I’m not entirely sure what this post is for, I guess I’m just looking for some advice, maybe a little understanding?
The last few weeks I’ve been feeling incredibly overwhelmed, overworked and generally just burnt out.
For context I work a 50 hour week in a warehouse; it’s a pretty crap job that physically really takes it out of me. My weekends? Well my partner then goes to work for 2 days; which means I’m solo-parenting the five and two year old.
The eldest is full of sass, and the youngest is still yet to sleep through the night and appears to be dropping his one and only nap; meaning he’s super grumpy all the time.
Parenting is hard work at the best of time, but right now all I seem to do is work and then solo-parent. And it’s the solo part that I’m struggling with. There’s no time to share the load with Mum (and she’d say the same thing) , there’s no time to focus on housework whilst the other parent handles the kids, there’s not even any time to sit down as a family and enjoy an evening dinner.
Work. Parent. Work. Parent. It’s absolutely exhausting and there doesn’t appear to be any light at the end of the tunnel.
Update
Just wanted to say thank you for the kind messages. I vowed to have a good day yesterday and as much as the kids tried to stop that, I did end up having a pretty good time.
Parenting is hard, so I really value having a place to come talk about those issues in a safe space. Once again, thank you.
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Ive been here kinda. We only have the 1 child but my wifes job involves her bringing a lot of work home so my whole life was work and single parent a lot of the time because she had to get work done.
The only thing I can suggest is making the 5yo feel like they are contributing, asking them for their help and praising them when they do. My Daughter was only 4 but "Daddy need to cook dinner, so I need your help I cant cook dinner and pick up the toys so can you pick up the toys while I cook dinner please? If you can get the 5yo thinking they are your AMAZING LITTLE HELPER and gamify getting them to be helpful it might help.
I remember my Daughter giving up the naps, yeah thats a trying phase. Trying to get a big physical morning in so they would be more inclined to nap was one of my key strategies, especially if I knew they didnt sleep super well the night before or were up early.
Mate, that sounds absolutely exhausting. You’re an absolute champion for keeping that up. These days I’d crumple at 75% of that!
If you’re in a fortunate enough situation where there’s a grandparent/uncle/auntie/close friend or whatever that may be available to help out, now might be a good time to ask for a little help if you can.
My brother was in a similar patch a few years back, and me and my dad went over quite a few times, cleaned the house, fixed a bunch of broken stuff, went food shopping, made them lunch and dinners for a few days to go in the freezer and kept an eye on the kids for a while so they could get on with some other stuff. Now the kids are a bit older and my dad’s retired, he goes over several times a month for the same thing.
My Dad is fantastic, but he’s also 65, working a 6 day week (also warehouse) so I’m very aware that as much as he wants to help, he’s no spring chicken anymore.
My Mum has like, 7 grandkids and a load of other things aside. We don’t see nearly enough of her, but again…she’s so busy.
My partner’s Mum and Dad? Basically useless.
In 6 years we’ve had one night away from the kids, and that was a few weeks ago when we told our mum she was having them (at our house) and we went literally five miles down the road and got a hotel.
I love them deeply, but I wish they gave as much support to us as they received when I was a 5 year old.
Ouch. I feel that. I guess as others have said, it’s a tough phase that’s not permanent, but ouch, that’s not going to make it feel any better right now. You genuinely have my sympathies.
I don’t really have much to say that hasn’t been said already, so just know that I feel for you man. That’s a really tough rap; you can do it, though - you are doing it and it is so so worth it.
When you look back, you won’t remember the crap - but the few precious diamond moments you can snatch from it all will shine.
There’s sometimes a lot of benefit to be had with throwing caution to the wind and blowing the routine and rules out the window. So stick Bluey on all Saturday and cuddle up with the kids with a hot chocolate. Sundays are for worries, after all.
Hang in there bro.
It sucks. It all sucks. There’s no happy balance - everything’s a constant demand on your time and effort and sometimes even closing the door behind you to take a shit is a welcome relief for five minutes of peace
Nothing lasts forever though - I work shifts too rotating through the week, and the second the kids start childcare or nursery or school or whatever your location offers, the tide starts to change. At first, whenever my kid (and subsequently second) went for a morning or afternoon in nursery, I just set an alarm and slept. It was fuckin’ awesome - if a little weird having a house so quiet.
Next, came the ability to drop the kids off at school or nursery, and run the long way home. After that, the ability to head off and get a coffee in a local cafe with a book or a bit of self study.
It sure does suck right now my dude, but you’re doing your bit to provide for them, your partner, and yourself. It will get easier though, and bit by bit, the window will start opening back to your “normal” life - for better or for worse.
Hang in there though, it gets better.
The childcare thing is a big one. Once my partner can start working at the same time I do, it’ll mean we get our weekends together as a family. Suddenly we get to share the load, we can give each other a bit of free time if we need it, or run errands whilst the other parent holds down the fort.
I guess the only hope here is: Time is on your side. As with everything regarding kids it will be different over time, it will change. It’s also amazing that you are doing this at all, I don’t think many people would be able to manage this amount of work and stress and responsibility. Is there anyone, family or friends, who might help out from time to time?
It’s a phase to survive and get any enjoyment you can from. Even if nothing else change, they won’t stay that young. Your be able to really take them out and doing things in maybe two years. Every little bit older they get, the easier it is. Until they are teens, then it is other problems!
I find the key is sleep, everything is harder tired. Better paid work helps, but if you end up stressed out with responsibility that brings it’s own issues.
Chin up, it will improve.
Seems exhausting indeed, not much more I can say except it will get better soon
