deleted post because of personal info, but thank you to everyone who responded and gave advice, it means a lot

  • Doubledee [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Do you like the outdoors? Are you physically fit enough to work 8-12 hours moving things around? If so, and you live near almost any major American city I can almost guarantee you USPS is hiring any warm body that tries to get work. The process takes a long time sometimes but they’re desperate (where I am the rumor is that they’ve completely stopped drug testing to fill vacancies).

    It’s unionized, it’s got okay wages if you’re not in a HCOL area, the benefits are fine and you’re prettymuch guaranteed plenty of work on the carrier side. Clerks are more hit and miss, rural carriers are their own bag of worms, but once you make regular you get a 401k type thing and there is still a pension, even if it’s less good than it used to be. It also looks respectable to other organizations and (this is my perspective) feels like you’re actually doing something helpful for real people in your community. Only job I’ve had that I’ve been proud at all to tell people I do.

    That said, management is shit, will treat you carelessly, and you’ll be expected to learn how to protect yourself from contract violations because the work culture is insane. There’s a lot of maladjusted people and old people with extremely backwards ideas, and your experience depends pretty heavily on the office and people in it. With your background and training you might be able to make the jump into the computer/programming end too, I wouldn’t know how to help you there though.

    I’m not sure if this would be hope or Joker makeup. I think a lot of people who work for USPS alternate between the two. jokerfication

    • PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      6 months ago

      After a long work break (5+ years) my brother got a warehouse job with USPS. He’s doing fantastic and I’m glad I didn’t push him to find a shit job. I got to laugh at my family since he’s doing so well.

      Anxiety is a bitch.

  • bigboopballs [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    hey you sound just like me. except I don’t have a degree and it’s been 8 years since I last worked. and I just got on disability in February.

    • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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      6 months ago

      solidarity I think there’s a lot of people in a similar situation to mine and yours, probably a lot more than we realize because it’s embarrassing to even talk about

      dunno what your disability situation is but nice work getting that gubmint money, I’m sure it’s not nearly enough or what you deserve but it’s good to get something back from The Man

      • Gosplan14_the_Third [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        6 months ago

        I think there’s a lot of people in a similar situation to mine and yours, probably a lot more than we realize because it’s embarrassing to even talk about

        2 years for me, though I started an employment program funded by the Employment office recently. I get a basic subsidy of a couple hundred Euros and like 3/4 of the time there is wasted and/or mind-numbingly boring, but it’s an income and they’re helping me look for a job, write applications, etc. - even if it’s just to escape the boredom.

        I know you’re probably American and the state probably doesn’t care much about such stuff, but it might be worth looking into something like it, even if it’s just to force yourself to get used to the horrid rhythm of the 40 hour work week and have something recent on your resume that looks good to the bourgies you have to beg for work to.

      • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]@hexbear.net
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        6 months ago

        I feel like I’ve seen hundreds of people posting on this site about this kind of struggle, sparse employment and social connections plus being stuck in a HCOL area.

        Now if only there were a place that was affordable, accessible, and progressive, where you can support yourself with jobs that are widely available and it’s easy to meet people. Yes, indeed… lea-think

  • AFineWayToDie [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Have you considered volunteering? Show yourself as willing to work just for the sake of it, and you’ll probably find at least one person there who can provide a reference for you.

    Also, having your own job might not be enough for complete self-sufficiency, but don’t discount the feeling of being useful and worthwhile that having a job gives you. A job shouldn’t be a prerequisite for that, but as things currently are, it does help.

    The fact that you actually want to improve yourself and earn your own way means a lot. Don’t sell yourself short.

    • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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      6 months ago

      volunteer work could be a good start, doing something positive in the world might help with my confidence and people skills. though I’m in a suburban area so it might be hard to justify spending money on gas to work without pay

        • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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          6 months ago

          I probably wouldn’t ask, I think it’s enough that they let me live here and have me on their phone plan for free, so I don’t ask them for cash. they aren’t exactly wealthy, though they’ve got boomer privilege and own a home, they are retired working-class people

          • FungiDebord [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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            6 months ago

            okay. let me just convey, i mean to come to you with compassion:

            asking your parents to borrow a car, or for gas money, so you can start taking the steps to move on with your life and out of their house, wouldn’t be a imposition, it would be a gift. if you’re serious about making things easier on your parents (financially, psychically), then it’s time to take some responsibility and swallow your pride, and make some moves (easier said than done! surely! but it’s within your control and you’re stronger than you know).

            • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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              6 months ago

              I do have access to a car and still have some money of my own, so I don’t need to ask for cash just yet. It’s hard to justify spending it without any income, though tbh running out of funds might help light a fire under my ass lol. but yeah, I do need to start making some moves before it gets too dire

  • FungiDebord [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    good ideas from comrades RE particular job opportunities, but i’d just like to broaden the scope of advice: you’re facing a thorny problem that requires a holistic solution. if it were as easy as going down to the temp agency, or the union hall, you’d have done it by now. the fact is, you’ve made it this far on this path, because you’ve become incredible at avoiding and protecting yourself from psychic distress. but any move from here will be highly distressing; you need to build up the capacity to endure this.

    • you need to see a therapist. if you make excuses here, you’re frankly not ready to be serious (i have every confidence you can dig yourself out of this hole, but have little confidence you can do so without seeing someone). you need someone whom you can develop a relationship with; whom you can confide your pain and anxiety; who can help keep you accountable; who can teach you how to show yourself/your past self grace; who can provide you w/ healthy techniques for dealing with psychic pain /anxiety when it arises; who can put you in contact with a prescriber in case you’d benefit from pharmacological intervention.

    • walking is good. add more intense cardio or weight lifting: this will alleviate psychic pain; make you stronger; give you more confidence; provide a template by which you can see yourself struggle and then arrive at progress and improvement, which you can take into other facets of your life.

    • take some classes, online, or better, at a local community college, that are related to your interests and past education. this will strengthen these skills, which have atrophied, and will put you in contact with people related to your field and interest. and, importantly, it will give you something to say – if you’re not working or learning, every interaction is a potential site of humiliation, as you may be asked, what do you? but if you’re taking classes, you will be able to say that you are, and you can talk about your interests in those areas.

    • volunteer and/or take a low-commitment part time job. volunteering is as good as everyone has described it; you will feel useful and good. and a part time shit job is just fine – it’s part time, it’s not the totality of your identity-- and there’s a dignity in working and getting a paycheck, even for doing shit.

    • frankly, i really like the idea of going out for agricultural /seasonal work. it will get you out of the fucking house and get you some fresh air, you’ll meet people, and costs will be low, you can bring interesting books for the evening and will have the opportunity to see and develop different aspects of yourself.

    • journal, or do mindful practices, or meditate. too much scrolling, too many screens, you need to practice sitting only with yourself, if only starting at a little a day.

    as you engage in the above, you can develop goals /ambitions, about what larger projects you want to pursue. you surely have a lot to give, but you need to put yourself in a position where you can give it. rooting for you bro.

    ~~

    I’ll still be miserable with a job, just a different kind of miserable

    there’s truth in this, as when Morrissey sings, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now. and yet, i can assure you, as someone who once felt very much like you do now, you’ll feel so much better and stronger on the other side.

    • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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      6 months ago

      thanks for taking the time to write all this out, I very much appreciate you for caring and it’s all good advice

      community college is something I definitely plan to do - specifically IRL classes because I need to regularly be around people who are not my immediate family members. I love learning but most of the learning I’ve done in the past decade has been solitary. this might be a good next step because I genuinely want to do it

      I actually was lifting weights for a while until late last year when I stopped because of a stupid health problem which is still kinda recurring but I think I can get back to it, might have to start slow and focus mostly on form and proper breathing techniques. cardio for sure, my weight is good but my stamina is shit and I could use those endorphins

      therapy - that’s the most difficult truth here but you’re right

      • alp@lemmy.zip
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        6 months ago

        I have read every single comment in this thread and this guy definitely makes the most sense. Therapy should be the highest priority, everything else will follow.

      • FungiDebord [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        6 months ago

        sure thing. people love to help people who are trying to help themselves.

        therapy - that’s the most difficult truth here but you’re right

        yes. honestly, this should be the next step. there are many things that can go wrong with the community college classes – classes won’t start for a while: you might get ill, your car may break down, the class may be cancelled, it may be too expensive, etc etc. it feels nice to intend to start taking classes, as this gives you a plan and a horizon, but, in the meantime, it would behoove you to start with a therapist. i would make it a goal for this week to find one (i assume if you’re in the states you qualify for medicaid, which will cover costs) and set up an intake appointment for next week. this could be agonizing, but after you set up the appointment, you will feel a rush of relief.

        again, i’ve been in similar shoes; feel free to contact to me if that would be helpful.

  • Feinsteins_Ghost [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Trade school. Union if its in your area. Electric/HVAC/Plumbing/Welding (and others, those are just what come to mind right now) are always needed. We need electricity, water, air conditioning, and welders to build shit. None require a lumberjack’s physique, and i know plenty of AC techs and electricians that work in shorts and running shoes. I work with plenty of other plumbers who don’t adhere to the traditional manly man stereotype. Same with the welders i know.

    Im not sure what your natural inclinations are, so i dont think i can give more than generalized advice, but trade schools usually have a network of employers that they can use a little good old fashioned nepotism with to get you onboard somewhere while you school so you can earn some dough while you learn your trade.

    • PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      6 months ago

      Small machine shop might work, too. Plus, the 3D and technical skills have a bit of usefulness. My friend got a job after I told him to show the hiring manager his sketchbook because of how similar his character designs were to 3D models.

  • buh [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    If you’re not interested in the “tech industry” you might still be able to leverage your skills into IT (technically still “tech” but more about business operations than building spyware or BS apps). Look into getting some entry level certifications like the CompTIA A+ and go for help desk or IT support technician jobs.

    I could probably find another shit job like the last one I had, maybe I could flip burgers or clean up puke at a movie theater but it wouldn’t pay enough to even live on my own so what’s the fucking point. I’d be eating shit just to go back to my same sad empty life anyway.

    This isn’t a completely bad option and might even be a necessary stepping stone since you’ve been out of work for so long, and employers sadly get to be picky these days due to the job market being very competitive for employees. Worst case scenario, you still live with your parents but have a bit more pocket money than you’ve had in the past few years.

    • Dr. Jenkem@lemmy.blugatch.tube
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      6 months ago

      Yeah good point. CCNA might be a decent choice too. Networking might be even preferable over tech support as it should be less time talking to strangers.

    • quarrk [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      If you’re not interested in the “tech industry” you might still be able to leverage your skills into IT

      Exactly what I was thinking. Computer Science/Engineering are fundamental fields of study now, like learning math, because computers are everywhere. You don’t strictly need to build apps for a living just like a math degree doesn’t limit you to being a mathematician. There are many companies that need someone who can help the boomers manage some computer shit that might not even be difficult for anyone born after 1990.

  • StalinStan [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    My recommendation will vary with where you live. If you live in a reasonably dense area just go to a trade program get a Ambulance drivers license and work for that for a while. It is on the higher end of low end jobs. Easy to get, easy to do, better pay than you are getting. Looks good on a resume. Watching people die might get you thinking about stuff. Any resume gaps are explained by you werre working with a family landscaping business. Easy, no one cares enough about lawns to grill you on trade info you don’t know.

    • itappearsthat@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      This isn’t a bad idea, my little brother also kind of fucked around staying at home with parents staring at screens until age 25 and now he is a EMT. However he might quit that soon. EMTs have a surprisingly short average career length. It takes a toll on you mentally to see that much suffering and trauma.

      • StalinStan [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        It does. The odds of your getting ptsd and dying are not zero. I have known a handful that died from the job and stuff in it. However in the most boomer sense I think it is good for some people to get some dirt in them. I know I am one of them. I don’t think I would ever reach my potential if I hadn’t. I haven’t yet, but the old ways weren’t gonna do it you know. It has most the moral benefits of military service without the drawbacks of aiding empire.

        It is what radicalized me into being a communist seeing thre US Healthcare system up close. Appart from the life long injuries and the pstsd it set me up to find direction and move forward onto other things. It isn’t a job anyone should do for too long really. It is a good place to start over. I worked with people from all diffrent walks of life and that was really valuable to me in finding myself.

  • spacecadet [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    This is so similar to my situation. I’m deeply anxious and have avoided life for…a long time. Gonna need to find an income soon, so really I’m looking for advice in this thread as well, lol. It’s difficult to find motivation to get a job when you’re already not finding much satisfaction in life. I suppose the hope is that any change or shake-up at this point can lead to at least something different and possibly even better. But I really do sympathize with the anxious fears you listed, just reading them caused me some symptoms

    Just want to let you know that I sympathize and wish you luck!

    Also, how did you manage to be life avoidant and not like videogames? Impressive

    • Barabas [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      I still play video games but decided to cut down heavily on it after feeling like shit reflecting on what the fuck I’m doing with my life after most gaming sessions. Used to be able to just get up, boot up a game and just go for 12 hours straight without eating or drinking. They were a great way to ignore problems, I’ll give it that.

      First step of becoming less life avoidant for me was kicking that habit.

    • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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      It’s difficult to find motivation to get a job when you’re already not finding much satisfaction in life

      totally, I often get into the negative-thought cycle of “well what’s the point in trying, I’ll still be miserable with a job, just a different kind of miserable” which is probably true but like, something’s gotta change and the way I’m living now is just not sustainable. I know where this lifestyle leads and it’s not good or healthy

      Also, how did you manage to be life avoidant and not like videogames? Impressive

      lmao well, I used to play video games. though I always disliked most game genres there were a few specific games I would sink a lot of time into, probably too much time… and that’s a big part of why I’ve become gaming-averse. also seeing how gamers act really turned me off to the whole thing. now it just doesn’t appeal to me at all, although lately I just waste time on other unhealthy activities tbh

  • Commiejones [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Have you tried agricultural labor? Picking fruit is pretty good because you can live in a tent all summer to keep cost of living down while making a bit of money. Depending what wages are like where you live it may even pay better than flipping burgers. Plus once you’ve done it you can use it to pad your resume really easily. Cherry season is probably just starting in the northern hemisphere and they really are the best thing to start on because they are light and pay well.

  • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Living on your own is overrated American nonsense, just get a job and keep all of that money you’d be pissing away to a landlord. The only reason to live alone is if your parents are absolute wastes of space, theres no room, or if your job is far away.

    • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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      It’s a fair point, my parents are not awful or abusive so I’m lucky there. they’re kinda dull boomer libs who watch CNN and Shark Tank so they’re not exactly epic either but it could be a lot worse

      but truly I would like to live apart from them and have my own place for a number of reasons, especially social ones. I’m lucky to live here for free but I don’t want to invite anyone over, and I mostly live in my bedroom.

      they also at one point had planned to move to a fucking exurburan white enclave in the desert where my chud family lives, and I would have been forced to move with them. luckily that never happened because moving there would be the death of me. while I wouldn’t mind getting to see my 4yo cousin grow up, her dad would probably shoot me in the face if I tried to turn her into a commie

      • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        Its nonsense propaganda that its ‘lame’ for friends to meet your parents or hang out at their place. Its all a cultural trick to get you to pay your life savings to a landlord. Learn to have fun with it, I always found it highly amusing to bring a ton of queers over to my parent’s place. If they don’t want you to do that, its another matter.

        • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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          I do very much hate the idea of giving money to a landlord, I guess one good thing about my situation is that no landleeches have ever leeched off me

          but yeah I still just don’t want to have people over at my parents house. it’s not a big house and they’re home all the time, so is my brother. this place was built in the 50s and it was built cheap, these walls are thin. I like to stay up late and listen to music and watch movies with surround sound and none of that would really fly I’m afraid

          edit: this is kinda a moot point cause I don’t have any friends here at the moment anyway, although I do have hope that will change

        • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]@hexbear.net
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          6 months ago

          I disagree.

          My parents are not the absolute worst by any means, but leaving their house was the best thing for me. It meant that I had a place with my own agency over, I didn’t feel the constant need to justify myself, it seemed like my social life began in earnest, I wasn’t incapable of taking care of myself, I even was doing well in school.

          Having to share access to domestic factors with people outside my immediate family was huge in my socialization. Before long, 3 unrelated people in a 3-bedroom apartment or house was the norm for me.

  • happybadger [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Does your city have a workforce development centre? Here there are specialist counselors at the county-level who help with career planning, accessing retraining grants, resume building/practice interviews, and non-predatory job placement using statewide databases and connections with the city/county.

  • Mokey [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    There arent any good jobs they all suck, theyre all exploitative wastes of time. The line of thinking you have is largely irrelevant for most people and they even have to do two jobs or more.

    You use a shitty job to leverage into a better one until you eventually you can stomach staying. Only good jobs are for ppl with connections or theyre insanely lucky.

    The rest of us work and I think it’s best to either realize that you either need to get over it and just try to apply to things to get a foothold, or just not work and stop feeling bad about it.

  • HamManBad [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    It sounds like your parents are ok with the arrangement, assuming that’s true you don’t need to start right by jumping into the job market. I have a job and a house and I fucking hate it, if I had the time there are so many things I’d rather be doing. If you just spend time out in the community, being helpful and generally pleasant, you can make connections and there’s a good chance one of those people will know of a good job opening for you, they might even end up being the owner if you’re lucky. I’m not sure if that’s viable for your situation or not, but don’t assume you have to go straight to the exploitation machine

    • itappearsthat@hexbear.net
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      6 months ago

      Yeah this isn’t a bad idea. If you can pass a background check you can volunteer to drop in and TA in your local high school for example if you’re up for it. When you’re out in the world like that bumping into people it increases the likelihood of someone dropping you a line on a job like infinity % compared to staying inside staring at a screen.

  • EndOfHerstory [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    Assuming you’re in the US because I don’t know about elsewhere, you could check if there are any union trade schools in your area?

    Sometimes they’ll pay for your schooling and you’ll have a paying job as an apprentice right off the bat. In my area, depending on the trade, they don’t care too much about resumes or work history.

    As long as you’re able to do a short interview, perform the job, pass a drug test, and pass your classes, you’re set. It can be hard work, but definitely something to look into.

    • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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      it’s a possibility but I’ve kinda resisted the idea of doing traditionally masculine jobs if that makes sense? like I’m a skinny sensitive artist type and the idea of being around a bunch of certified Dudes™ all day really doesn’t appeal to me. so I’m definitely not gonna become a plumber or construction worker any time soon. maybe not all trades are like that, idk but that’s my perception

      I do like the idea of doing something in the real world and not behind a computer screen though. but probably nothing where I have to enter people’s homes

      • itappearsthat@hexbear.net
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        6 months ago

        If you live in cities with a film industry there is a lot of trades work to be done for those. LA and Atlanta are two big ones.

        • AlicePraxis [any]@hexbear.netOP
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          working on movie/TV sets sounds pretty interesting, but I’ve heard those workers can be treated like shit because they’re expected to just be happy to be there. well I don’t think there’s much of a film industry where I live, it’s more of a tech-industry nightmare here

      • EndOfHerstory [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        I understand that. Could still check out which trade schools are available; look up the gender ratio for that trade to see how Dudes™ the vibe is likely to be, and avoid any trade that has a residential service aspect.