This post is in two parts, a vent about frustrations, and then some questions I have.

The Vent, with dysphoria and transphobia under an additional spoiler.

I am completely mystified and utterly intimidated by the whole process of going to a stylist and getting a haircut. I would like to try something different from the style that I’ve been wearing for the past three years since I got out of the closet but every time I go I just wind up with the same thing but cleaned up a little. I find that I lack the knowledge to accurately communicate what I want, and because of this I don’t feel comfortable attempting to micromanage someone who is doing something totally outside of my realm of expertise for me. Some of the online guides say that I can go to an experienced (translated: expensive) stylist and they can give me the guidance I’m looking for but that hasn’t been the case, primarily due to a lack of assertiveness on my part.

CW: dysphoria, internalized transphobia

The whole hair salon experience induces this greasy, dysphoric feeling from beginning to end. I’m feeling some of it right now, actually. The brainworms tell me that a real woman would already know all this stuff and that my discomfort and awkwardness just proves that my identity is somehow fake and my being in a traditionally feminine space is unwelcome and so on and so forth. I get it in my head that “This person is being nice enough to tolerate my presence and work on this part of my body, to be in any way demanding of this person would be asking for too much.” These thoughts make the already confusing process all the more draining.

These are my questions:

  • Is there some kind of guide that explains the lingo and maybe even theory behind women’s hairstyles?
  • Does anyone else get really intimidated by this whole thing?
  • How do I make going to the stylist fun?
  • Any tips on procuring good reference pictures and inspiration?

I hope this ramble was okay, I have 0 clue what I’m doing. Thank you for your time and attention.