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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ebbandletgo on 2024-11-22 00:08:26+00:00.

Obligatory not today, but sometime last year. I had just started at a part-time job in my college town so I didn’t know the area that well, and as anyone who’s driven pizza can attest, there’s always at least one address where Google Maps just gives up.

So Google Maps says my order goes to a little white building on the main street. It looks like it used to be a house, all alone between a strip mall and a trailer park, and it has a State Farm sign in the window. I’ve never seen anyone around, but there’s always a car in the side lot. Maybe someone’s working late in there and wants a hot supper. I’m kind of curious to see what the deal is with this place anyway.

It’s late at night when I get there. All the lights are off, both inside and on the porch, and the blinds are closed. Maybe they just don’t want to be disturbed. I knock on the door and wait. Usually I try to wait a decent while before ringing or knocking again so I’m not annoying someone who might be taking a little longer to get to the door. But I can’t hear any movement from inside at all. I don’t remember if there was a car in the side lot. I’ll give it one more knock and then go back to my car and call the customer.

This isn’t a well-lit area of town, and nobody’s out this late. I’m feeling very aware that I weigh 105 pounds right about now. Is this a setup? Am I about to get jumped and either robbed of my cash bank or kidnapped for ransom? You get pretty vigilant as a pizza driver. I’m not even allowed to carry pepper spray.

Fuck it, I say to myself, and turn around to get out of the shadow of the porch and back to my car. But before I can take the first step, I see something out of the corner of my eye. I hadn’t noticed it when looking at it directly in the dark, but now I can just barely make it out. Only about five feet from me, in one of the big windows over the porch, there’s a man standing in front of the blinds with his arms folded over his chest.

I can see the whites of his eyes in the dark. He’s just staring at me. He hasn’t moved or made a sound the whole time.

Naturally I freak out a little. Definitely jump backwards, probably make a noise or two, I don’t remember now. I then start laughing and apologizing, though still shaken, because I feel bad reacting in terror to a customer and after a while the service worker instincts start overpowering the will to live. Luckily, as I discover to my simultaneous relief and embarrassment upon getting closer, this isn’t my customer. It’s a cardboard cutout of Jake from State Farm.

Turns out my delivery was meant for the trailer park next door. To this day I drive past that building with deliveries every shift and I still haven’t seen any signs of life. But at least the inhabitants of the trailer park have a good neighbor, because State Farm is there.

TL;DR: took a delivery to the wrong address and got scared by a cardboard cutout.