CW: Mental health, depression
My life is getting worse because I keep flipping between here and :reddit:, refreshing and reading things instead of doing stuff. It’s some form of deep depression I don’t wish on anybody.
Sometimes I wish I was an NPC and could just tune all thus out and care about the local sports ball team or something. IDK, I’ve had a tough year and I’m just so out of it at this point.
IDK what to do
I noticed it’s your “cake day”. Says you’ve been here for 2 years. Shortly after October 7th.
There’s something called second-hand or secondary PTSD. Happens to first responders, doctors and nurses, and social/care workers. You see enough fucked up stuff happening to other people and it traumatizes you just the same.
At the same time, this is about humanity. How can we see the slaughter and not be moved to action? Who are we if we simply choose to look away?
And yet, still, your brain is melting and your heart is singed every day by gazing upon the horrors in the cyber chaos feeds.
You simply can’t keep looking. You’re gazing into the abyss and it is looking back at you. Stop.
You gotta process all this and integrate it. Then you can figure out what to do about it. I believe this is what Matt Christman was saying when he spoke of the “grillpill”. It sounds silly but it is actually very necessary. Constantly re-traumatizing yourself just wears you down and then you can’t even do anything.
If you want to fight for the love of humanity, then you’ve got to also live your life and bring that love into it. Hold onto every single precious beautiful thing that you can in these dark times. I want to find a quote but I can’t remember who it was, there was some woman who was doing revolutionary work during a very very dark time and she said that’s when we danced the hardest, laughed the loudest, loved the most, because life is beautiful and that’s why they do it all.
It took me a while to understand this because I kept getting stuck on “you’re privileged in the imperial core!!!” guilt like, ohh how nice for you, of course you can just turn off the computer and ignore the horrors and go take a walk in the sunshine, you piece of shit. Scrolling infinitely at the horrors is sort of like punishing yourself, it’s self harm. But ultimately this is part of the PTSD too, it’s similar to survivor’s guilt.