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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/Medical_Week_5979 on 2026-08-18 22:36:04+00:00.

There comes a time in every young adult’s life when they must strike out on their own, forge their own path. Leave behind old habits and routines, and the safety and comfort of their bubble. Change the world and have it change them. Or so they say. To my mind, there is nothing more base, more defiling, than change. The very concept is an affront to human control and dignity. No, I would not change. External circumstances may force action, but I intended to keep as much the same as I conceivably could.

I lay in bed, staring at my slowly rotating ceiling fan. Periodically it would wobble, and each time I hoped it would come loose and smash my skull. After a few more minutes of blinking and quiet prayers, I unfortunately had to get on with it. I peeled my shirt from my sweaty, moist body, and sat up to take inventory. A laundry basket filled to the brim, even more clothes strewn about. A half eaten pizza on my desk, flies buzzing and darting about hungrily. How long had that been there? Sniffing my armpits, I decided that question was best left unanswered.

The good news was, I cleaned up well. The bad news, it was the first day of my new job. The one thing everyone tells you about a liberal arts major is that barista positions are at least guaranteed employment. Well, after four years and a degree later, I can confirm that’s not the case.  Even though I applied to every coffee shop, fast food restaurant, and Walmart in a fifty mile vicinity, I hadn’t received so much as a call back. I was desperate, and to avoid being kicked out onto the street, I had to broaden my search.

“Come on, come on,” I said to myself, digging through a relatively cleaner looking pile of clothes near the foot of my bed.

“Get down here now!” A shrill scream came from downstairs.

“Jesus Christ Mom, I’m coming!”

Quickening the pace, I opened the dresser and thankfully scored. One last pair of underwear, still clean. Pulling together some khakis that passed the smell test, a wrinkled collared shirt, and my worn pair of shoes, I darted across the hall towards the bathroom. A shower of muffled crying later and I was downstairs.

“Look at the time!” My mom scolded, wagging her finger at me. Her appearance always reminded me of a sad bull dog with nasal congestion. “Late on your first day. Pathetic. No son of mine.”

“Still going to make it,” I said with a smile and a wink, before tearing out the front door.

“I sure hope so or you’re out first thing tomorrow!” She called after me.

The sun, just beginning to rise, cast long shadows across the yard. Fumbling with the keys in my pocket, I hurried to the street sign where my bike was locked. A white slip was stuck to the handlebar and in disbelief I examined it. A parking ticket? I swiveled my head up and down the street, the soft and wet early morning an illusion that would soon give way to blistering heat. A lone crow stared at me from the powerline.

“I don’t suppose you did this!” I shouted at it. It cocked its head in curiosity. If crows were smarter I could’ve sworn it was mocking me.

“Shut the hell up dumbass we’re trynna sleep!” A neighbor barked at me from one of the uniform, suburban houses across the street.

I smiled sheepishly, jammed the ticket in my pocket, and unlocked my bike. With a polite wave in the general direction of the voice, I was off. Pedaling like a madman, I blasted down the street, weaving past curbside trash cans rudely placed in the bike lane. I swerved to avoid another bin, and a car, blasting 2010’s music on the radio, probably too poor to afford an aux, slammed the horn. I raised my fist in anger, and he returned the sentiment by glaring daggers at me through the side mirror. Peculiar red blemishes encircled his eyes.  Promptly, I put my hand down and stared straight ahead like I didn’t see him. The old thing sped off with a cough and sputter of the engine. The smoke made my eyes sting.

Eventually, I arrived huffing and panting to my destination. Located atop a steep hill, a view gave way to the sprawling city in the distance. Suburbs and quiet residential neighborhoods transformed into densely packed skyscrapers. I took a deep breath in and enjoyed the sight for one last lingering moment.

The building to my left was at least eighty stories tall, and its width nearly took up the entire block. Each floor progressively became nicer and more well maintained. The bottom floors were old and in need of renovation, with cracks in the glass and peeling paint. Conversely, the higher ones were gleaming, a sleek finish and spotless windows. Some floors from the top, a massive balcony jutted out; from my position, I could only catch a glimpse of the tops of palm trees that, presumably, gathered around a pool. Above the entrance was a logo with an eagle holding curved swords in its talons and the acronym ‘ASIB’ in bold letters.

Steeling my nerves, I parked my bike and strode confidently inside. At the reception desk, an old woman typed absent mindedly at a keyboard. Her saucer sized glasses reflected the dull glow of the computer screen.

“Hi.” I greeted. “I’m a new employee, part of the investigation and processing department.”

She didn’t respond. I swear I even saw a bit of drool escape her lips and pool on the table. I got closer, cleared my throat, and tried again.

“Hello? It’s my first day on the job and I was wondering if you could point me in the right direction?”

Without peeling her eyes from the computer, she raised a frail, shaking hand and pointed to my right towards the elevator. Thanking her, I proceeded. When I was about halfway across the room she mumbled, “Seventh one this month, poor things. Won’t make it. Won’t make it.”

I spun around, only to be greeted by a yellow smile that contained a hint of sadness, before once more she became absorbed with the screen.

I hurriedly mashed the elevator button, and as I was waiting, a long list of names next to it caught my attention. They correspond to floor numbers and had all sorts of self-important titles. What even is a Director of the Partial Operations Committee? Nice job Mark Wallace, doing good work there!* *I rolled my eyes.

When the elevator arrived, it didn’t take long to find my department. Located on the seventh floor, and down a hallway, I was met with an open floor office. Desks pressed against each other, creating a claustrophobic maze, and people darted to and fro. A young woman, a bit older than me, stood waiting as I entered. She was dressed in business casual, pleated black pants, leather belt, collared white shirt with stripes, and a black tie. Her dark hair hung in a helmet bob and her gray eyes sparkled with friendliness.

“Hi I’m–”

“Yes, you must be the new recruit! Stevie, right?” She said cheerfully, looking down at her watch. “And timely too.”

“I try my best.” I rubbed the back of my head, trying to forget the mad rush of the morning.

We made our way to the center of the room, where I sat down across from her at a cluttered desk. Hurried people rushed past us, juggling stacks of paper and cups of coffee. The general noise and chatter faded into the background as she pulled out an envelope.

“My name is Emma, and I’ll be your performance supervisor," she said with a smile. “Before we can send you on your first field mission, there are some final questions I have to ask.”

“Shoot."

“Okay! First, and this is purely customary, are you an organ donor?” She questioned, her eyes glancing up from a notepad.

“Organ donor?” My gaze drifted to the ceiling and I wracked my brain. “You know, is there a maybe option? I can’t really remember.”

“I’ll put: open to the possibility on his deathbed. Next, any phobias, mental health disorders, prone to panic in high stress environments?”

“Am I a pussy? No.” I shook my head vehemently.

“Ok that’s that!” She shut the notebook and got up.“Time for your first assignment. One last thing. You watched the training videos sent to your house, correct?”

“Yes I did." Of course I would never admit I spent the previous afternoons avoiding them in favor of videogames, movies, and masturbation. What, you want me to get fired on my first day?

A few hours later we found ourselves parked in front of an unassuming family home. The newest addition to our crew was Frank, my mentor. Apparently, each new recruit is assigned both a supervisor and a mentor. The supervisor, Emma, to make sure everything goes smoothly on the first few assignments and to file a new employee report to the bureau. The mentor to show you the ropes long term.

Needless to say Frank was a lot less glad to be there. Sat in the front seat, he had a half-finished cigarette in his mouth and his hair was fighting a losing battle with his forehead. Emma in the passenger seat left me feeling like I was babysat in the back.

We got out and stood in front of the car. The swingset in the yard creaked back and forth to a light breeze, the chains clinking together.

“Hey kid, grab the gear in the back.” Frank commanded in a gravelly voice. He flicked his cigarette to the ground and twisted his shoe over it. His trenchcoat was soaked in sweat, particularly around his armpits; evidently worth the cool factor on this increasingly hot day.

Walking around back I opened the trunk and my eyes widened at the sight. Wires, coils, and odd looking machinery lay in a heap. “Uh, which one do you want?” I called.

“Lord in heaven,” He huffed, raising his hands …

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