I’m gay.

My dad is not pleased with this fact. Completely homophobic.

Half the time his homophobia doesn’t even make sense.

>Fishing show on TV in the living room
>Watching it with mom and dad
>Mom: "I don’t have the patience for that kind of stuff
>Me: “It doesn’t feel like too long when you’re out there”
>Dad: “Time flies when you’re a removed.”
>Go to my room

It’s getting ridiculous. He goes out of his way to respond to everything I do by calling me a removed.

  • AnneBoleynTudor@startrek.website
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    187
    ·
    1 year ago

    Exactly why I never came out to my parents. I think they knew, since my stepfather would semi regularly tell me that if I came out as gay he would kick me out of the house.

    Jokes on him, he’s dead now and I’m still bisexual.

      • AnneBoleynTudor@startrek.website
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        55
        ·
        1 year ago

        I was given a very specific (but non-inclusive) list of people I was not allowed to bring home. That included any and all women, naturally, but also included any and all men of any colour darker than germanic-european-white, and indeed any men of a religion other than young-earth-creationists.

        Breaking any of these rules while still living in the house would have meant my expulsion from the house. I’d like to say my mom wouldn’t have allowed him to kick me out but I really don’t know.

        • technologicalcaveman@kbin.social
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          24
          ·
          edit-2
          1 year ago

          Always found it offputting how often I hear about people’s step parents being somehow worse than their biological parent, and their biological parent being totally cool with it.

          Not saying that’s your situation. Just something I thought about. Like my friend growing up had a cool mom and dad, but his step dad was the biggest asshole ever. And his mom was totally cool with it. Guy tried to break my ps3 cause we were playing COD and he had an unspoken rule of no M rated games in the house. And all the times he called me homophobic slurs, even though I’m not gay. His mom was great though, so it made no sense.

          • AnneBoleynTudor@startrek.website
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            9
            ·
            1 year ago

            Well the man is the head of the house, you see. So what he says goes. Even if what he says involves lifetime psychological damage!

            To be somewhat fair to my mother, most of the worst stuff he ever said to me was when she wasn’t around. To this day I don’t know if she knew a lot of it. At the time he assured me that was he said came from both of them, and since I’d never seen her stand up to him for us, I had no reason to doubt it.

          • WalrusDragonOnABike@kbin.social
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            9
            ·
            1 year ago

            Kinda surprised by my stepmom being more trans-friendly than my mom. Like my stepmom is more overtly racist. Both of them are lesbians so no issues with homophobia at least.

    • BOMBS@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      36
      ·
      1 year ago

      I’m straight, but I’m pretty sure my uncle and sister think I’m gay since I argue against their homophobia, got close to my openly gay cousin, and value “feminine” traits. I never try to insist I’m straight to them either. They can think what they want, regardless of the consequences. I’m not going to be a prisoner of their self-righteous, narcissistic stupidity.

      • Fruitball@monyet.cc
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        19
        ·
        1 year ago

        Once saw something saying that all of the Christian “it’s fine if you want to choose to be gay, just don’t do it in my face” rhetoric is code for:

        “you should be ashamed of being gay, because bring gay is a sin. You should commit sin hidden behind closed doors just like we do, when our priests grope children and husbands cheat on their wives.”

      • radix@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        12
        ·
        1 year ago

        Turn it off, like a light switch

        There, it’s gone

        My hetero side just won

        I’m all better now

        Boys should be with girls, that’s Heavenly Father’s plan

        So if you ever feel you’d rather be with a man,

        Turn it off!

        “Well, I think it’s okay that you’re having gay thoughts, just so long as you never act on them”

        No, 'cause then you’re just keeping it down

        Like a dimmer switch on low, thinking nobody needs to know

        But that’s not true!

        Being gay is bad but lying is worse

        So just realize you have a curable curse,

        And turn it off!

  • MuhammadJesusGaySex@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    113
    ·
    edit-2
    1 year ago

    Story about my southern grandparents, but grandad in particular.

    So my grandparents born in the 19 teens in rural Alabama. They said the n-word with a hard r until the day they died. But grandma had a friend named Loraine. Loraine’s husband worked at the same steel mill as grandpa. They also had a kid same age and school as my uncle named Wayne.

    Wayne always came to holidays at our house. He was flamboyant to say the least, but a super nice guy. When Wayne wasn’t around I’d hear grandma talk about him occasionally. She’d say things like “being gay isn’t a choice, because you could tell Wayne was different when he was too little to know what gay was”.

    Fast forward and grandpa dies. After the service the family is standing around with grandma. Wayne walks up and tells grandma. “I wish grandpa had been my dad. My dad hated me for being gay, but grandpa always treated me like all the other kids”.

    Wayne sent my grandma flowers every excuse he got till the day she died.

    I’ve always felt like if those 2 old school bigots could figure out that gay isn’t a choice. Why can’t the rest of the world?

    • Fraylor@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      18
      ·
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      Well fortunately for your grandparents it wasn’t yet time for ones bigotry and ignorance to be worn like a badge of honor as is tradition today so they weren’t vilified for trying to think of Wayne as a human.

        • Pons_Aelius@kbin.social
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          68
          ·
          1 year ago

          But this comment is not going to be seen by them.

          I see this type of comment on almost every post like this. It suggests the idea that gay people are the cause of their own persecution. Because if only repressed gay people hate gays who are out and public about it then no straight people are responsible for homophobia.

          • The Octonaut@mander.xyz
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            15
            ·
            edit-2
            1 year ago

            Thanks.

            I think a big thing that is missed is that when it’s a case of “homophobic politician turns out to be banging dudes nightly” you need to compartmentalise the two problems - stupid homophobia, and the much more specific “this politician and their political party are very obviously not trying to govern in good faith and instead will say literally anything for power”. Both are bad. The first one is a thing that will take a century or two to die away mostly and even then will pop up sometimes if we get complacent.

            The second one is the thing that we might be able to fix, like, on a four year cycle.

            • Pons_Aelius@kbin.social
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              6
              ·
              1 year ago

              The second one is the thing that we might be able to fix, like, on a four year cycle.

              You are assuming that everyone here is from the USA, they are not.

              • The Octonaut@mander.xyz
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                9
                ·
                1 year ago

                I am not from the USA.

                Then again in my country “Senator Buttkis ® arrested for soliciting young men” isn’t a thing. So I’m giving a specific example from specific place. And saying “like” that.

          • prorester@kbin.social
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            12
            ·
            1 year ago

            You’re interpreting too much into it. It’s just a “NO U!” response.

            And I would interpret it differently: society is so bad that it makes people hate themselves for who they are.

      • WalrusDragonOnABike@kbin.social
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        1 year ago

        The most vocal homophobes probably aren’t mostly a 0 on the Kinsey scale even if they’re heterosexual given 0s probably are not the majority. Especially the kind who act like it’s something that’s okay if you hide it or think you can just turn it off, as described in OP’s case.

        Calling a 1 “gay” is obviously misleading, but from the perspective of many homophobes those occasional thoughts are problematic.

  • I dunno about anyone else, but this greentext has always been one of my favorites. It perfectly describes my family’s childish, belligerent dialogue on homosexuality, so I feel for anon. Hopefully he managed to get out.

    • iheartneopets@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      1 year ago

      I know, this is a horrible thing to go through but at the same time my eyes are watering from laughing so hard.

    • Heavybell@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      1 year ago

      Just drop that line as your catchphrase before tapdancing out of the room. It’d be incredible. :)

  • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    16
    ·
    1 year ago

    Posts like this make me glad I’m already at the stage in my life where I can afford living separately from my family so I just don’t give a shit about what they think

  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    1 year ago

    See, this is actually one of the rare times when violence is the answer.

    One good kick to the nuts, and a “you ever fuck with me again, you’ll sing soprano”, and it’s going to back the guy down. It doesn’t have to even be super aggro, just casually roll up and do it, then say it calmly, and walk away.

      • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        1 year ago

        No, but in very narrow circumstances, controlled violence to back down continued abuse does work wonders.

        People will only bully and abuse people they think they can get away with it towards. I’m those cases, controlled violence is an effective tool because it draws a firm boundary and expresses the consequences for crossing it.

        Someone behaving like the “dad” in the story posted is only doing it because they think they can get away with it. That kind of person is very likely to back the fuck off when the son backs them the fuck off. Remember, they’re already using the threat of violence in the posted scenario. The only realistic response to a threat of violence, when outside assistance via legal recourse isn’t available, is shutting them the fuck down hard and fast.