Hi,
I am coming here seeking advice. I am 21, studying and am currently doing an internship. But it’s not going well. I am struggling so much with getting disctracted and watching youtube. Even though i often do want to do someting, i often don’t do anything except watch youtube. When i do actually do something it’s often not what i need to do. It’s getting really tiring and i just want to be able to do the shit i want and need to do. I often watch youtube to have some sound, but i can’t turn it off after, it is also often the same with listening to podcasts. Often when i try to improve it only works for about a week and then i fall back into my same habbits. Do many of you struggle with this, and what do you do about it?
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I’ve found my ADHD is more difficult to deal with later in life. It is not because my symptoms are worse, it’s more because my responsibilities have grown. More and more of my goals are longer term issues that require constant attention over long periods of time and following through with plans in a timely manner.
I also feel that medication has exacerbated my hyperfocus on things unrelated to my true goals. I get by just dealing with the high stress times that occur when things have been procrastinated long enough to become urgent.
yeah me too, and the big problem is that i pass all my tests so i have no incentive to do it differently
If you pass all your tests, then that’s great! It speaks for a high IQ paired with ADD. ADD is by no means a superpower, it’s still a disability, but you can partially compensate for it with a high IQ. What you lack in perseverance in learning, you probably make up for by learning to use what little knowledge you have effectively to derive solutions or with transfers from other areas. Believe me when I tell you that in many professional fields this can be a useful skill that many lack.
Due to this I am able to work as an IT Automation Engineer, despite not having any kind of degree.
wow that really cool!! I never thought about it in that way
I don’t think that ADHD “gets better” when people grow up. I think that life and circumstances change, and change affects ADHD. But this is a problem with neurodevelopment and brain chemistry, it doesn’t magically go away.
That being said, it sounds to me like you might not be medicated. That’s ok, if that’s your choice, but know that medication is the single most effective treatment for ADHD that exists right now. On its own, it’s not enough, but without it, shit gets real. Dr. Barkley has some great informative videos that really help to explain how ADHD works in our brains, and the role of medication. So. In that regard, I suggest you reach out to your doctor.
Smaller things that might help though, I always find that if I really need to concentrate, or if I really need to get something done, voices distract me (podcasts, videos, anything where someone is talking). So, I will listen to music instead, particularly music without lyrics. Lo-fi works well for this for me, or piano music, or whatever. I just try to keep the lyrics (voices) to a minimum, and it seems to help.
Something else that helps when I really need to focus is a fidget toy in one hand (give your mind monkey a banana) while I read/learn/concentrate. It’s such a small thing, but it helps SO MUCH!
Good luck, hopefully these work for you!
thank you. I will look into dr Barkley and I think the idea of using like a fidget toy is a great idea as I often find myself playing with little pieces of metal or other things when I try to work. and I can also completely find myself in getting distracted by voices. but I often can’t turn them off once I start because it feels nice to constantly have voices around me haha
You sound over worked. Try:
- isolating yourself in a library with no internet (turn your phone off)
- do this for an hour or two
- then go on a walk or go get lunch. Something fun and easy but not technology related
And finally (this is the most important step) observe how you naturally react to this pattern and adjust accordingly. You have to learn to outsmart yourself which is the hardest thing you’ll ever do
isolating yourself in a library with no internet (turn your phone off)
Have you ever stared at a wall instead of your work for an hour?
Yes. My mom’s old partner would put us in the corner as a form of punishment for hours on end.
That said if you think I’m suggesting OP stares at a wall then you’re missing the point. Obviously the hope is that they would A) do their hw or B) read a book. Boredom is a powerful motivator
Edit: I realize you might have meant this in the opposite direction I initially interpreted it. If that’s the case then the key thing is that I originally suggested they observe how they naturally engage with the loop and adjust accordingly. No two people are the same. So any advice I give will need to be adjusted to OP’s unique way of living and thinking
No, what they’re saying is that that’s something that just happens sometimes with people with adhd. Not intentionally, sometimes even while we internally scream to stop. It’s basically a complete breakdown of executive functioning
YYeah, ur prob right. It’s been long enough since I’ve been that burnt that I’ve forgotten what’s like. I think in that case the best you can do is try and focus on self care and circle back around to things on your own terms
I used to go to the library a lot to force more focus with less distractions. I never reached the level of productivity I aimed for, no matter how hard I tried. Sitting still and focusing for an hour straight? Might as well ask me to solve world peace.
It’s okay to get distracted. Long periods of focus is like lifting weights or being fast on your feet. Some people are naturally better at it than others. And there’s a whole world outside of it besides. You’ll find your place :)
the problem is that i do almost nothing in a day so i don’t understand how i could be overworked
Life isn’t about “doing things” or being “productive.” But about learning yourself and coming to terms with who you are. If you can do that then you’ll be better equipped to navigate the unique challenges of your mind
Sometimes the stress of responsibility is enough to cause executive fatigue and make you want to isolate into addicting habits. The important thing to try here is to try something small and reward yourself for it. While also putting in measures to prevent yourself from easily slipping back into those distracting habits (and I mean real physical measures not fake mental promises and dreams about being better)
But it depresses me that I feel too overwhelmed by just the basic requirements of life to really focus on things I actually care about. I want to develop my hobbies deeper and learn new skills, not just manage to tread water forever, and I’m not even really even doing that. I do a decent job at work but my home is often a disaster. Keeping myself interested in any one hobby is a barrier too but not as a big as the pitifully low limit to my capacity to do things…
I second the seclusion idea. We cannot be trusted with distractions. Remove them and you won’t have to resist or use will power. Speaking of will power, we don’t have as much as others. I’ve found routines are my lifeline. Each task or step has to complete near the beginning of the next one. The closer the better, so there is as little time for a distraction to interfere with the flow. One last thing, it doesn’t get better or worse. You ability to cope gets better or worse. We have ADHD, you don’t grow out of it any more than a person with a missing hand (an an extreme example) grows out of it. They work around it. They can’t use both hands, because they don’t have two hands. We have our personal ADHD symptoms that won’t go away. Our only way forward is to identify them, accept them, and then work on ways to mitigate them. You wouldn’t fault a one handed man for not being able to clap like everyone else, so don’t beet yourself up over your “failings”. Help yourself of tomorrow by finding how to cope with your symptoms today.
YMMV, but seclusion doesn’t seem to work for me… I can’t be trusted with distractions, but it seems I can’t be trusted not to seek the situations where I’m exposed to said distractions either. Taking the aforementioned example of going to the library and closing my phone, I’d probably leave early after convincing myself I could do the same from home, or pull my phone out of my bag and boot it up later “just to check something”, and bam, back to square one.
Routines are absolutely key, though.
We are our worst enemy. There was an interesting piece on NPR (might be a TED Talk) about how our brains see our future selves the same as a stranger. Meaning we have the same amount of goodwill and empathy as for a random stranger on the street. Like, if you see someone in the rain without an umbrella, then think “sucks to be them” well, that is you tomorrow. Weird
Something that was suggested to me, by my therapist, is a book called Scattered Minds by Dr. Gabor Máte. It is well researched, and ultimately it provides long term solutions. Getting through a book in your current state, may not be ideal. But you may find an audio book version easier.
For now, you need to do things that will help you now. Firstly, make sure you are doing things you enjoy, and getting time to rest, and relax. If not, you will default to instant gratification. I know, because I am the same. When I am tired, overworked and overwhelmed, my ADHD gets very bad. A week ago, I was in a terrible state. I made so many mistakes at work, I was worried it was going to cause me to lose my job. After this week finished, taking time to recover really helped me.
Also, maybe try doing some exercise. For now, just start small. Maybe limit the time you spend doing the activity, to avoid overdoing it. For any new habit, starting small is very important.
You may also benefit from this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH7N9YRxMYc
Go for walks, take breaks from your study, when you have time, and just take a walk around your neighbourhood. If you need stimulation, you could listen to music, or a podcast you enjoy. Personally, I sometimes find it very helpful to take myself away from anything that will trigger an instant gratification loop. But ultimately, going cold turkey isn’t the answer.
Right now, don’t focus on huge strides, like not watching YouTube, or not listening to podcasts. Focus on taking time out in small amounts to just be present with yourself, how you feel and just trying to be aware. Honestly, even doing this for 2-3 minutes is really good for you. If you need something to guide you through doing something like this, you could try Medito. It’s a meditation app by a nonprofit. The daily meditations can be done in whatever time period suits. I think the lowest is 3 minutes. But 3 minutes is still a good effort. You need to reward yourself for every small win. Going for a new habit that is monumental, and will only discourage you, and take away what motivation you have.
I can suggest more, but I am hesitant to do so, because too many things at once, when you’re already struggling might overwhelm you. I hope you get something from my suggestions, and that you feel better soon. I know how hard and difficult it can be sometimes. You can do this. : )
thank you so much for all the suggestions. I will definitely try out some of your tips, and watch that video!!
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=fH7N9YRxMYc
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
There’s a theory that it doesn’t get better with age for anyone but many learn coping and masking mechanisms.
But yeah unfortunately what you’re describing is not rare. What you’re describing sounds an awful lot like you might be burning yourself out by the end of the day using all of your energy focusing on school and your internship.
If you aren’t medicated that would likely be the first place to start. I know everyone hates hearing diet and exercise, and they absolutely aren’t the cure some claim, but for myself at least they are a vital component of a holistic treatment. I need a combination of stimulant medication, healthy diet, regular exercise, sufficient social interaction, decent sleep, consistent habits, and the proper rest in order to be my best. Some of these can be trimmed with minor losses, but meds are bare minimum to function, and diet, exercise, and socialization are the difference between “can work then break down at home” and “actually function in my home life”.
I know it can be daunting and I just flat out couldn’t do it at times in college. My senior design project wasn’t going to sit around for me to go on a bike ride. But when my brain got fuzzy walked a lap around campus. Put on a podcast and move your body. And most importantly this isn’t all or nothing, this is every bit helps, and you can use that help to get another bit. Healthier food (like peanut butter on whole wheat for lunch instead of take out or ramen) may give you the energy to take a walk. Regular walks might give you the energy to go out with friends for an evening. These are habits and it took me most of my 20s to figure out and implement this.
thank you for your advice. I do try to exercise once a week, I also live in the Netherlands so I bike every day. I try to eat healthier but that also often happens in bursts. and sometimes fall back onto chips and barely any cooking :)
Are you getting treatment? That’s your first step, it can be very difficult to keep on track if you’re flying solo.
i do have medication. its quite old and like 2 years past its expiry date because i stopped taking it years ago and now sometimes try it. I also have planned a appointment with a therapist they are however not specialised in adhd
I’m not a doctor, but those meds can’t be safe. Some can last a while, but those are sealed. If yours are in a bottle, they can go bad, absorb moisture, and go stale. That’s what I’ve been told by others.
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Yeah, this. Some meds genuinely “go bad” in the sense we use it for perishable produce - epinephrine, insulin, nitroglycerin and some antibiotics come to mind. But the overwhelming majority just lose potency.
But less potent meds can be risky in their own right. Some meds are very dosage dependent. Too low a dose of antibiotics taken over time can lead to building antibiotic resistance and lower their efficiency in the future, for example.
You’re probably addicted to YouTube. It’s easy dopamine. ADHD brains seem to crave it. Sounds like you need treatment if the medicine isn’t cutting it. I find physical activity helps me the most. I get addicted to that too but at least I’m not on YouTube all day (I’ll save it for downtime at night as a reward).
yeah that’s probably it. because I fall in the same traps with TikTok and insta. every day I say to myself, today I won’t watch YouTube, but 15 minutes after the day begins I keep saying to myself: 1 video won’t hurt and the cycle repeats
You should not jump to any conclusions, procrastination does not directly mean that you have ADHD or ADD. The diagnosis should be made professionally through tests by a psychotherapist.
If you are diagnosed with ADD you will need a very individual treatment. This usually consists of behavioural therapy that should be supported by medication. With the help of medication you build up routines (like brushing your teeth, which you have probably already established and do not forget, despite ADD) that ADD does not prevent you from doing because they have become a habit. This is very individual and has to be repeated every now and then when life circumstances change.
In addition, depth psychological treatment is useful to deal with depth psychological problems that may have arisen due to the untreated and undiagnosed ADD (depression, anxiety disorder, eating disorders, etc.).
And even then, ADD may prevent you from doing certain things. For me, for example, studying just didn’t work out, that’s something you can accept and be OK with. Someone with an IQ of 80 can’t study, just like a wheelchair user can’t run a marathon, no matter how much they want to. So it may also be that ADD means that studying doesn’t work for you either. This is not meant to sound demotivating but sometimes it is better to focus on your strengths instead of trying to compensate for your weaknesses.
And to answer your question: You never grow out of ADD. It is a congenital predisposition that can occur in various degrees of severity. To be precise, it is an adaptation disorder that makes it difficult for you to adapt to new life circumstances because it affects your sense of time, your perception of time, your reward centre and your ability to filter and prioritise external impressions.
I agree that a professional diagnostic is important in order to confirm that one has ADD/ADHD and that - amongst other things - one should avoid to self medicate.
Otoh it can also be quite a hard diagnostic to get depending on your age, gender, and which symptoms you get. A lot of people fall through the cracks and struggle to get an official medical diagnosis and we shouldn’t completely invalidate patient knowledge of themselves.
thank you for your insight. but I am actually diagnosed :)
At university, I medicated heavily with “the hard stuff” - stimulant medications. These took a heavy toll on my body; I had nervous tics and twitches galore. The meds gave me enough focus to develop good study habits and after 2-3 years I ceased them.
Once I joined the workforce, I focused on doing things that I was passionate about. For me, ADHD doesn’t always mean lack of focus; I can hyper focus when I’m motivated by something. Having a job that I liked to do turned me into a low grade workaholic (too much hyper focus!) but I became successful in my career.
For the past few years, I’ve been medicating with a non stimulant that I tolerate very well. I still do what I love, at work, and Strattera helps me stay focused on doing the things that are most important to my employer and myself, but my days of being a workaholic are over.
If you are like me, then doing what you love is essential, and finding the right medication is a big help, though not strictly essential.
In this scenario, I adjust or change my medication.
You can, and should, implement changes to your life to make it more structured and easier. But doing that often requires that you’re already in a good space. That’s where the meds come in.
so you mean using the medication, not as an end goal but to use its benefits to make my life easier without medication?
Don’t fall into the “the goal of medication is to stop needing it” trap. It’s a tool, get over any shame about it. Yes use it to implement good habits, but not in a “so you stop needing it” way, but in a “so you have good habits and so your adhd is even more effectively under control” way
I hear what you say and I agree with you that that shouldn’t be a Taboo. I however like myself more when unmedicated and don’t like to be dependent on them. so I think it’s better for me to try to get more into medication in the coming time but not see it as an end goal :)
I can relate to the “I like myself [way] more when unmedicated”. In my case, I realized that I am already dependant on them. Trying to get by without them is doing harm to myself in various ways.
That energy was in my case better spend on finding ways to cope with the medication. For example: if I’m going outside to see people, I might not take them. It makes it harder the next day, but slightly enough that it’s worth it.
Yep! You can’t fix a broken process with a broken process. The meds get you to a place where you can start to sort yourself out. Then you can reduce or remove the meds.
I was on the 50 of my meds for a while, sorted myself out a lot, and now I’m on 10. I occasionally bounce to 20 when I’m struggling.
thank you, I will go talk with my doctor again about renewing my medication
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