During the pandemic I came out as non-binary due to my personal feelings on how I perceived myself and the way I am.
Lately over this past year I’ve been asking myself how do I feel. Many thought have been going through my head like I’d be happier if I was born a girl and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a vagina.
I’m also under immense stress in my personal life that may be exasperating these feelings but they existed before the stress.
My face is scraggly, my legs are a hairy mess. Thankfully I have a safe space with my wife who knows what I’m going through and a friend who listens and offers support. My biggest fear is addressing my family. My mom is still misgendering me and my trans BIL who has fully transitioned. She still lives us and I think she loves him but has fucked up ideas. My dad who has been divorced from my mom for nearly my whole life is full blood republican who believes in personal freedoms from his time in the military but I also don’t know his feelings on trans rights.
I know I’m ranting but I decided I need to crack this shell and figure things out.
I don’t know the first thing about makeup also clothes shopping is overwhelming.
On my side, I prevent myself on thinking if I “feel like a man” or “feel like a woman” because this only spirals in endless self-doubt. I just pick gender-affirming acts and think which ones made me happy, and which ones made me anxious. It began as I thought of myself as a kind of tomboy, and shopped for masculine clothes and got an androgynous haircut. I looked in the glass of a store as I was passing by and noticed I looked kinda masculine, and the thought of someone thinking I was a teen boy made me really happy. If I stopped to think “am I MAN or WOMAN or ELSE” I would never have begun that journey. Just do what makes you happy, and you’ll find yourself alongside the way.