I really wish my friends and family would understand this. This is something that I have to worry about, all of the time. It causes me constant and immense stress.

“I would not be welcome here if they knew.” - this is what I have to be aware of, all of the time. I do volunteer work and often drive out to rural areas - stopping at gas stations where they’d leer at me if I wore a mask inside 2 years ago… - am I safe if I get pulled over?

I’ve sat at workplace trainings and heard the things that they think about people like me - debating on if there’s a way that I can say something that won’t call attention to myself. I turn on the news or scroll through Facebook and see an endless stream of debates on whether or not I should exist.

All I want is to inject myself with testosterone (which my insurance does not pay for). I want my drivers license to say M. I wanted, and paid for, a mastectomy. Testosterone makes me strong enough to carry folding tables for homeless shelters. It helps me turn my anger into energy. It helps me exist.

I don’t understand why that bothers people so much. No one gave a shit ten years ago. My Pentecostal family were happy to call me their son. Trans people are just a convenient boogey man as part of a long term backlash strategy against gay and women’s rights.