I left the field, as did most of my smarter friends, and my salary continued to rise a reasonable rate and sustainably as I learned the wisdom of our ancient forebearers. You can hear it too, on freezing nights under the pale moon, when the fire burns low and the trees loom like hands of sinister ghosts all around you - when the wind cuts through the howling of what you hope is a wolf and hair stands on end, you can strain your ears and barely make out: “Just Use Postgres, You Nerd. You Dweeb.”

How do I hire this person, this is something I’d like embroiled in gold letters over my desk. And on the tombstone.