ive been through a lot in life, but by most metrics ive made it out and have a relatively good life. but for some reason, its like this cloud always seems to follow me… and now it really feels like its engulfing me. i feel like im becoming so detached from reality. my friends don’t care enough / dont wan’t to listen when i need someone to talk to (and i can hardly blame them, who would want to hear the ramblings of some depressed person). i just feel so horrible all the time, thinking about how meaningless this existence can be, feeling like i shouldn’t even bother going on, and i hate these thoughts so much. sorry for how unstructured this is or how unorganised my thoughts are, i just can’t bear to hold it in any longer, i feel like im going to snap if i keep bottling it up.
Your brain chemistry is fucking with you because 200k years of evolution did not prepare you to sit in small boxes all day. We were meant to hunt and run and build and play and fight and live.
Because you are not fulfilling this once standard behavior, your brain withholds the feel good juice until you feel drained and tired and broken and dirty.
I know you don’t want to hear it but the answer is to hunt and run and build and play and fight and live.
Some of us can achieve that through pure force of will, some (no shame) need some medical help, and some may never leave it for long periods of time no matter what kind of therapy or drugs.
As always we really are the only ones that can make a clear path through the dark forest, and I guarantee if you just be patient, that path will open.
Do not make a permanent decision for a temporary agony. See if you can make it through the nigh through some kind of distraction, give yourself a day to see how things change and/or get better.
Our brains fuck with us, want to shut us down for a permanent winter that never occurs because all of humanity are one-shot experiments in ridiculously complex DNA interactions and environment.
Just give it a day. Maybe eat a little and try to hydrate. If you can, go take a short walk, only a few mins. You aren’t alone.