As a former travelling worker, I ate a significant portion of my meals alone at a restaurant, never thought it could be perceived as weird before these memes started floating around reddit
I usually just chalk those memes up to teenagers who overthink everything or socially immature people. I often decompress at lunch by leaving the office and grabbing a meal alone somewhere.
I’m kinda reminded of that Kurzgesagt video on loneliness. The video talked about how people who experience loneliness begin to pay more attention to other’s expressions but interpret them incorrectly as negative.
I never heard anything about it as a teenager but both get to hear people’s opinions and have them try to force themselves into joining me ‘so I won’t be alone’ as an adult.
Definitely extroverts projecting.
I have seen people express how weird they find people wanting to eat alone occasionally throughout my life, and even had some volunteer to eat with me “so I wouldn’t be alone”. When I say that I wanted to eat alone, they expressed genuine concern that it is weird to not want company. If I let them sit and talk then they feel good about themselves and leave me alone for a bit.
Honestly the pressure I got from being pestered about eating alone ended with me just eating lunch at my desk and I absolutely love work from home. Going out with coworkers once a month was plenty. They are fun and all, but most times I just want eating to be when I take a break from other people.
Depending on your situation, a big fuck off size pair of noise cancelling headphones (or if budget doesn’t allow, just headphones that looks noise cancelling), and being as absorbed into your screen as possible usually works. When I eat lunch on my own, I sometimes even furiously type out a long winded rambling and incomprehensible email to myself to make it look like I’m super busy. The people who see eating by yourself as a bad or concerning thing usually don’t see treating lunch as a work catch-up hour as a bad thing
I still do and prefer it. I also go to bars by myself on and off. A buddy of mine would decline going to lunch with anyone else so he could go decompress. About once a week he’d come back bitching because someone would go into an empty restaurant and sit as close to him as possible.
My favorite story of his complaining (rightfully so in my opinion) is where he went to a restaurant with benches around the perimeter and sat in the corner far from the only other customer there. He hadn’t been there two minutes before some woman came and sat on the bench seat closest to him and started asking him about the book he was reading and generally making small talk. He got so pissed that he ate in his truck for weeks instead of sitting down in a restaurant.
I think she was badly trying to flirt and didn’t have the situational awareness to understand that he was trying to get away. He thinks she didn’t want to look like she was eating alone and didn’t care that she was intruding on a stranger.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with offering to sit with somebody who’s eating by themselves (although I myself do prefer to be left alone while I eat, too), but Jesus Christ fucking ask first it’s not hard. “Hey, mind if I sit here?”. See? Done. That’s all it takes. 6 words. Just expect that you might get a no, and that that’s okay. Also, don’t ask after you’ve already sat down, or while you’re half sitting already
“Hey, mind if I sit here?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, rude.”
I once spent a week on a project with a colleague who’s, let’s say, kinda intense… You know smart guy and hard worker, but he always wanted to have the last word, whenever you explained something he never really believed you until he tried himself… Whatever, his work was ok, but as a person he was really exhausting. He left the customer’s before I did, the first evening I was alone I was so people-tired that I didn’t even go to the restaurant (it was in the hotel!), I stopped for groceries at a supermarket and ate in my room!
That just sounds super boring. I’d rather get it to go and watch tv or something.
Eating without distractions is actually good for you. It’s what doctors recommend for a variety of reasons.
Why?
There are also mental health benefits iirc.
That makes sense
Eating out every day is already unhealthy, if you limit yourself to take away places you’re really asking for trouble
Advice I’ve given my wife and my kids. Never make plans with anyone to do anything that you aren’t happy to do alone.
Dinner? I’ll eat alone
Movie? I’ll watch it alone
Wife isn’t in the mood? I’ll just lay in bed and beat it next to her.
Hiking trip? Alone in nature is great.
Worst case scenario you still get to go have fun. Middle case, next time that person asks about doing something you get to remind them about all the fun you had without them.
One of these things is not like the others
Yeah, hiking is the only one done out in nature.
But is it?
Secluded nature wank
Is the secluded bit a requirement???
For me it’s a preference.
When you nature wank alone, you wank with Hitler.
Some hikes shouldn’t be done alone.
Also this seems like it’s gearing you towards selfish thinking which can set you up to be more isolated and lonely as a person.
I gear towards joining in things that others I like the company of want to do. I get to hang out with them while doing some activity, and they get to enjoy that activity. Of course, if I’m going to invite someone to something, it’s most often going to be something I can enjoy myself. If it requires others I just check with my friends on who’s interested and do followups with them to reduce barriers and increase their chances of making it.
That sounds like gearing yourself towards needing the validation of others to enjoy anything.
I’m not saying always do things alone, I’m saying make plans with the knowledge that the other participants might not show up. I’m not going to plan something that is reliant on others to happen, others could be there or might not, I’ll still go on the activity
So you never make plans you aren’t happy to do alone just to make your loved one’s day? Like I’m not crazy about X band, but my husband loves them, so getting tickets and taking him is something I do for him. But I’d never go to that alone.
I don’t go places with people for social validation. I do it because doing those things by myself is incredibly boring.
She said on the internet, asking others to normalize it rather than just doing it herself without seeking validation.
i upvote therefore i validate
“Normalize dining alone.”
“No you’re wrong, you should normalize dining alone.”
One of my first jobs was at a movie theater, back when you had to physically splice film reels together. Doing so meant you had to watch the whole thing for quality assurance…so I saw every new film at 0300 in an empty theater and it was fantastic. Going to a movie with other people around feels weird and cramped
How I saw all the lotr films
The sentiment in question is a response to someone else being weirded out and posting it online… No one is seeking validation lol they’re asserting that it’s normal.
People who act creepy and take videos or pictures of someone out doing something alone and posting it online are the weird ones.
This context should be obvious
Context doesn’t matter when lonely people are seeking a dopamine hit through a false sense of moral / intellectual superiority.
Bad takes drive engagement and the dopamine hits from engagement makes life under hyper atomized late stage capitalism slightly less depressing.
Sir. This is a Wendy’s.
It’s not that I can’t do these things alone. It’s that I’d rather have someone there with me.
Very clearly not the point op is making at all
Like, the point they’re making and your comment are completely unrelated
As OP, I am blown away at how many commenters are missing the point.
I would go even further. I enjoy things much more, when I can share the experience with others. I could go out alone, yes, but why should I?
I hear you and definitely agree that many activities are more fun with company, but if I only did things when I had someone to do those things with, I’d never get to do anything, definitely never anything new. Why should I let the lack of companions prevent me from having the experience?
For example, I wanted to go crabbing, but none of my friends wanted to go, so I decided to go on my own, and got to share the experience with the other people out crabbing on the pier, and even exchanged phone numbers with one of them, so now I have someone to go with next time. I used to go out alone to bars, concerts, festivals, etc., all the time and always made new friends, in fact for a while I preferred doing some of those solo so that I could just totally get lost in the moment.
I go to restaurants alone when I’m out and about by myself, because a man’s gotta eat. But why would I choose to go to a movie theater by myself? I can just stay home and watch a movie for free, while being more comfortable. I go to the movies specifically for the event which is shared with the person/people I go with. Do some people go to the movies just to see the movie? Is the bigger screen that important?
On the opposite, I don’t really get movie theatre as a social activity.
Watching a movie is a passive, solitary activity that you do in the same place and time as other people. It feels to me like it has the same social significance as meeting and then everyone checking their phone for two hours. Sure there is a shared experience at the end of it, but there are a thousand things you could do instead in order to experience things together, most of which more interactive and more “social”.
For me the only benefit of going with a friend is pushing each other to actually go and see the movie. But for myself, I have watched movies alone and didn’t find it significantly better or worse than going with company.
For those of us without 100" 4K HDR TVs and perfect speaker setups, yes it is worth it. Not for every movie but there are movies I am very glad to have gone to the theater for because watching it at home on a 24 inch monitor and headphones is far less immersive and exciting an experience. Yes, even with popcorn crunching.
Ah yeah, I would definitely go to the theater more if that was my only setup at home. It’s amazing what you can put together from the thrift store though.
Sometimes the people I enjoy movies didn’t want to see the same movies, so I have gone alone to see something on the big screen. Not often since large flatscreens made most movies more enjoyable at home, but I would go slone if the situation came up again.
Honestly being alone or with people isn’t that much different when I’m watchijg a movie, unless they are distracting. The only thing I get out of going with others is talking about the movie sfter.
Is the bigger screen that important?
Depends on the movie. If it’s some drama or something a normal sized screen isn’t much different experience but like a huge action movie with large scale stuff happening the bigger screen adds to the experience. I went and saw Godzilla Minus One in the theater and it was amazing. Maybe if I had a nice home theater set up it would be different but if I’m not watching a movie at the theater it’s usually on my PC monitor at home or my small TV.
I have a 65" OLED, hooked up to a 5.1 surround sound system with floorstanding speakers, and a reclining couch, so I really only notice a big difference if it’s IMAX or if it’s 3D.
Yes, I enjoy movies with striking visuals or music much more on the big screen. I also go to the cinema alone from time to time. I’m rather introverted, so I don’t mind the solitary experience. I do like to later talk about the movie with someone who saw it too, though.
Movie theaters always seemed like such weird places to go to in general. I mean I get it if you go with a large friend group or to see a movie that has a lot of large scale scenes but for pretty much everything else it has literally zero advantages to make up for its major downsides.
Other people being noisy, no ability to pause, shitty audio quality due to bad placement, expensive tickets and food, having to go there and having to be there at a specific time, usually not being able to watch the movie in the original audio even when you do speak the language, pre-movie ads,…
People always talk about it as this great experience but I feel there is a reason they have to put the movies in there first because otherwise very few people would be willing to suffer through it all.
Did you forget that within living memory options for watching movies at home were limited to tiny televisions with poor sound, and what was either broadcast (possibly with commercials) or what you could rent at a store?
“Always seemed like such a weird place to go” if “always” is limited to like “after 2010” maybe.
Well, more like after the mid 90s or so. Movie theaters were pretty much shit from the moment when home audio started to allow you to use more than just stereo.
Do some people go to the movies just to see the movie? Is the bigger screen that important?
Maybe they want to see it as soon as it’s released instead of waiting for it to be available to stream. Also yes, some movies are definitely better and more immersive on the big screen with the big sound systems, like space or adventure-type ones with special effects.
That and the sound I think? Maybe people enjoy being in a crowd while being entertained? I don’t know: it’s not for me.
The only thing the theater has that I don’t have is Atmos. I have a pretty awesome surround sound system at home. I know most people haven’t spent the time and money to set their house up the way I have though. I’ve thought about adding Atmos, but my ceiling is slanted, so it would be a challenge.
Come to Japan. Here, they have all sorts of seating at places specifically for people to be alone.
You’re making me want to book that plane ticket even more. The main thing I’m struggling with is deciding where I would go. If you don’t mind me asking, any favorite locations or cities?
Sure! I’ll go with what my friends recommended as well, since I haven’t travelled to all of the locations I want to go yet. Tōkyō is of course pretty bustling, and has a lot. Kyōto, Ōsaka, and Nara (i.e. the Kansai region) are all close to one another, so it’s a good area to visit and sightsee. Although, it can get incredibly crowded with tourists. Other places people mention they like are Sapporo in Hokkaidō, and maybe Fukuoka in Kyūshū. Also, what the other commenter mentioned is good advice. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.
Tokyo obviously, but the dotonburi (spelling?) market of Osaka is a must see. I’d also recommend Nintendo land at universal studios if you grew up in the 90s with those games, it’s incredible. And in terms of “plan before you buy the tickets” the Miyazaki museum is sold out months in advance, so many people will try to a reservation there before getting flights and hotels if they’re fans.
Aside from that, the deer in Nara are pretty special and it’s just a day trip from Osaka. And if you’re in the mood for something somber but incredible, Hiroshima is beautiful and the museum is incredible.
I used to go to restaurants alone and I the last time I did it the waitress/owner started asking what I do and gave me the impression that she felt sorry for me.
Now it has been a while that I didn’t go. It wasn’t because of her but it I feel like it.
Unless I’m traveling for work I don’t really want to go to the movies or restaurants alone. Living room and takeout is better.
Disagree on all of this y’all sound mad tone deaf.
Some people had bad parents, some had none, some hit the age of 21 with no actual adult to learn from.
People need information and affirmation and support. Stop being the judgey fucks you’re preaching don’t exist out there. If nobody is that judgemental then let them ask on the safety and confidential internet you fuckin goblins
But this is in support of those people. The tweet is responding to people who believe these behaviors are something that is considered worthy of judgement, and are advocating that they should be exempted. This tweet is instead saying they already are and have been. So no validation has ever been needed, and if you felt otherwise, you were wrong. So you can feel free to do this and likely other things you felt self-conscious about because nobody cares.
let them ask on the safety and confidential internet
Can’t tell if you’re being facetious or not.
I found it deeply uncomfortable that there’s people who take the direction of an online community and base their real life actions upon it. making choices about their relationships, marriages, csaeeere, health and so on.
For every grain of truth or solid perspective given there are 10 which are pointless or unproductive and ar least a couple which were wrong or dangerous.
None of this is real, its tiny snapshots in a moment of time, stripped of all context but preserved.
I know it’s the wrong take, but I read this as “Spend money you lonely bastard. Don’t address your problems, consume.”
Yep, you’re right it is the wrong take. I would suggest a little inward thought as this seems like a pretty toxic thought pattern.
Going to restaurants and movies gets expensive fast. If it’s just me, there’s no way I’m burning through my disposable income on that stuff.
I think people are sleeping on the power of “The Shrug”™️
Whenever someone is asking why are you not following the societal norm, just 🤷 Don’t explain yourself, let them try to rationalize to you why the norm is good actually. Then you can finish them with “Okay?” followed by another shrug.
Works every time.
I always see movies alone. Preferably early in the day in a deserted theatre if possible. Movies are very much a ‘me time’ activity. I go at least twice a week with my unlimited movie pass.
It’s just not needed to drag someone else along, especially if they aren’t as interested in the movie to begin with.
