I really feel like the world’s changed.
The last 20-30 has seen everything flip on it’s head it’s so weird.
Everything seemed more freeing and liberating, more open . But now everything’s gone to shit. Don’t even care if I sound like a boomer anymore. World is actually fucked up.
Everything seemed more freeing and liberating, more open
I mean… I’m sorry to say that this is just what aging feels like.
Choices narrow, freedoms restrict, responsibilities build. And all the while, we gain more personal power, more personal experience, and yet we bear witness to more and more things that we cannot change.
You don’t sound like a boomer, because boomers didn’t invent aging. You just sound like someone who is letting themself get old.
I’m saying from the 70’s to the 80’s things got less sexist, less conservative, more liberating, more free speech. Same thing happened from the 80’s to the 90’s. Possibly same from 90’s to 00’s (or maybe largely the same). Then 00’s to 10’s the trend reversed, then 10’s to 20’s that reversal continued.
Now here we are.
What I am saying is. Whenever I talked to people about university that were older than me it seemed better in their view and mine. Everyone I talked about university after seems it got worse in their view and mine.
Same for childhood and same for 20’s (2008 being an exception). I also noticed this about travelling to other countries.
Choices narrow, freedoms restrict, responsibilities build
I don’t think freedoms really restrict, I think we end up restricting ourselves because we prioritize those responsibilities over our own desires. I think it’s just our perception of what we can do changes, and we get more realistic about what we can achieve.
As you said, as we get older, we get more personal power and experience, and we have the option to try to pursue those, or to take the “easier” path and stick to our responsibilities. I find myself copping-out all the time (i.e. I have kids, so I don’t spend time protesting/lobbying for change), yet I totally could make the time for other things if I really prioritize it. In fact, I’ve been considering running for office because I hate my local reps, I just haven’t committed to it yet. But I could totally do it if I really wanted to.
I like the idea of circles of control vs influence (7 habits of highly effective people), or ILOC/ELOC (what my work uses). Basically, you have two groups of things:
- circle of influence - what you can control, impact directly
- circle of concern - things you care about, but cannot control or impact directly
Here’s an image w/ some examples. As you get older, both circles increase in size. You can take proactive steps to increase the circle of influence faster than the circle of concern, which generally involves goal setting and internal motivation. And that gets hard when responsibilities mount and we just want to relax, and I would be lying if I didn’t say the desire to relax beats my desire to grow my circle of influence most of the time.
All great points! I agree that most of it is self-imposed, and a lot of it is even subconscious (i.e. we often don’t even notice when we cop out of things - it’s just… a thing we did not or would not do)
I will say that some freedoms do legitimately restrict with age, even if they are self-imposed. It’s a metaphorical restriction that still effectively, literally, binds you in one way or another.
For example, it’s probably against your personal code to even consider walking away from your family. You might consider running for office, but you might not consider risking your life - because it’s not just your life you’re risking.
Most people are not really free to walk away or risk it all. Even if they logically acknowledge that the choice is technically available, it’s behind an invisible wall that they simply won’t cross without experiencing or causing some sort of crisis.
Others have the opposite problem - they can’t really choose not to risk their lives fighting for a cause, because they know it’s not just their life they’re fighting for. They can’t walk away from their people anymore than you can walk away from your children.
It’s not a bad thing, for the record. It’s just a thing. We build our lives, and in so doing, we build a structure that contains us. The same limits that we impose upon ourselves serve as the foundation from which we grow as people.
Right, I just think it’s important to acknowledge that these restrictions are due to our own priorities, and not imposed on us by someone else. There’s far too much victimhood, and I think a simple mental shift of acknowledging that any restrictions we see are self-imposed can really help with life satisfaction (i.e. grants some level of control).
For example, I have always wanted to start my own business, but chose not to because it’s too risky. I have obligations to my family, and I haven’t yet found a business idea that I can be reasonably confident will provide adequately for them. I’m still free to go pursue a business idea, I’m just deciding not to because stability is more important to me than the possibility of wealth.
The world is fucked up, has been depending on perspective, but more so now.
Its your inability to adept that triggers your melancholy. Which is a seemingly natural coping mechanism but you could also, like, try and/or change. Nothing is stopping you to actually live. But you need to take risks, go out your comfortzone and confront your current self. Else your actually are a grumpy “boomer”, not sound like one.
If you can’t handle the change get help and get tested, for autism/depression/ADHD and always get into shape (no excuses, mandatory) Some people adapt better than others, but if you stagnate, well, you stagnate. Everywhere,everything,everyone will adapt to zeitgeist and changes. Accept and adept or rot away. Your choice.
I just spent two years living and working in Australia and New Zealand. Not sure any of that applies to me.
When I came to university and meeting girls/ having fun everything that came before me seemed better, everything that came after me seemed worse.
Its been on the downward for a while. Same applies to being a kid, though I did get somewhat a good foot in both worlds as a kid. Now seems worse than my time though.
Every generation says that lol.
8 months? the misery!
anon dodged a bullet
Could be bone-headedness, could even be autism considering the source.
This is really my competition. Man I’m just real unlucky
Why does this type of greentext feel so manipulative
All of them are the product of mental illness or severe immaturity. Or both. To believe that a greentext is not the expression of, or desire to proliferate, negative character qualities is naive. Which is to say, this isn’t unusually manipulative. Also asking people out is ok
It’s ok but it’s like this idea that they should be ashamed for not thinking to do it, like it’s their obligation as a man or something
Most every person has that moment where they realize that someone was flirting with them, but they were unaware. It’s your obligation as a sexual being to recognize it, not to accept their advances. The implication that they didn’t understand the woman’s meaning is the joke. They’re free to reject it, but they didn’t. They just didn’t notice. So we poke fun.
It’s your obligation as a
sexualhuman being torecognize itclarify intent and not just drop hints and hope the other person catches onFTFY
til i’m not fulfilling my obligations as a sexual being…?
What do you do when you notice some hints but aren’t interested in them romantically, but instead genuinely want to be friends with them?
Reject their advances but state that you’d like to remain friends. I cannot offer specifics beyond that, as people are complex and relationships are hard. Results oriented phrasing. State it in the way that you believe they’d like to hear it, and will allow you to remain their friend.
Or just ignore their advances and stay friends. Acting on something is also voluntary.
It’s someone I met recently. My brain noticed they’re interst and went “seems like a great potential friend”. But I’m worried about leading her on if I reach out.
That’s a hard situation, but breaking it down into incremental pieces might make it simpler. In order to answer your question completely, I’d have to do quite a bit more personal development and many probing questions.
Specific and beneficial internet advice about relationships and friendships is rare for a reason. I wouldn’t ask anyone here anything more than their broad social philosophy, and even that might be poisonous. Hit up the most socially cognizant person you know, as they will have infinitely more context than I do.
I’d argue ignoring their advances while being aware isn’t a very friendly thing to do. Not that you’re obligated to act on their advances, just don’t pretend to be a friend.
As with all things interpersonal, there is a vast grey area. You can offer your continued friendship and they can offer subtle hints as to their romantic desire as long as they like. Things can also come to a head at any time either party desires. No one is hostage to the situation.
It depends on not just what one defines as friendship, but also on one’s capacity to be a friend to others, whether this is cruel or kind on either end. I understand what result I’d like out of our continued association, and producing that result is usually mutually beneficial. If they intend more than that, is on them to bring about.
Inertia is natural. Leading someone on is active and offensive. Not reciprocating or acknowledging unwanted advances is usually not.
They’re free to reject it
When I was young, insecure about my sexual inexperience, convinced I was worth less than others, and on 4chan all the time, there were some levels on which I really did not understand that, which led to some uncomfortable situations, and could easily have led to worse ones. Flirting isn’t really something you analyze and make decisions about anyway, if someone isn’t responding to it, maybe that says something about how they are feeling and should be respected regardless of if they understand on a conscious level what is going on.
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Your point?
