If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.
This one was a whirlwind of things. I might have a heart condition. I would have set a new personal best in a race I ran, except that the possible heart condition and/or the side effects of spironolactone made me take walk breaks because I red-zoned a dozen times. I mustered up the courage to wear a full face of makeup and some femme-leaning clothing out to a doctor appointment and therapy for the first time. I even made an unexpected detour to buy a snack. That was an unnerving thing to do on a whim. I guess I’m not as timid as I thought. I also spent the whole weekend with the only two people who I am out with, but at the request of one of them we had “just a normal time doing normal things”. Which means I spent the whole weekend in boymode and not speaking up much. And then I find out that one of them couldn’t stop herself from outing me. Thankfully everyone involved is immediate family, but that kind of breach of trust hurts. On a good note, that outing went extremely well and I now have a third person in my support network who is a strong ally. So a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, altogether.
we got gendered correctly in public for the first time ever today! i thought i was boymoding effectively, but i guess not.
last week really sucked, and my mood is all over the place, but this week we’re starting strong >:3
This feels like the worst week or two I’m ever going to have. I broke up with someone I love so much, after the worst date I’ve ever had, every decision feels like a mistake and I don’t feel in control; I feel insane, like I’m waking up forced to live with decisions someone else made.
I’m pretty sure I’ve burnt that bridge completely, but the worst pain is knowing I could unblock him and ask to try again. I just keep telling myself there’s no point to a fourth try, right after he begged for another chance and refused to do anything more substantial than vaguely promising to not be an ass. Broken promises, weeks of cold loneliness, and now this.
I know it’ll get easier, but it’s hard to find the will to keep going when something good happened for once, and then collapsed over something so stupid.
Anyway I’m going back on the radio in a couple of days to talk about trans people having bad mental health lol
Pain can be a teacher, and it sounds like your lesson was received. You have self-worth and deserve to be loved, and have learned that at some point you stop giving chances to those who aren’t willing to be a source of that love. Try to find some joy in growing as a person, and hold on to the memories while you go forward instead of letting them drag you back. I think it’s worth saying again: you deserve to be loved!
Alternating personal joy and absolute terror at the US government.
I got a GPU! (9070 XT), holy crap stable 4k 60+ FPS WITH raytracing 😱
Extremely nervous about my future. Applied for DRP (deferred resignation plan, google it), waiting to find out if its approved so i can move on with my life and have time to skill up and find a new job. I’m willing to dip into retirement (hah! Like that was ever going to happen anyway) to take the penalty for breaking my lease to GTFO at this point, feels like I’m trapped where i am and i hate it.
Wow, that’s a beast of a card! And here was me still feeling pleased with my 6600 XT I got a few years ago… 😶
Hope the employment situation works out OK.
I had an open box 2080 TI i bought about 5 years ago; its lasted me well but it is VERY loud and runs hotter than i would like (nearly 80c at load). Plus I’ve been aiming to get a new GPU while i still can because… US 🫤
Shittiest week in a long time. I am super sick. I had an argument with a coworker about how to clear up some stuff. He told me I had to go drive to an office; I called the office and they told me they can’t do anything for me. But he insisted. So I went. On my way I got a speeding ticket (my first ever ticket). When I got to the office they told me “you shouldn’t be here, you need to go do blah blah blah”. Just like I said to my coworker. He was annoyed at me for not arguing with them even though I was just following instructions.
Then my mother-in-law had a mini-stroke (a couple of days ago). So that sucks for a variety of reasons. Luckily she’s doing quite well. Only a bit of confusion and aphasia.
Overall, it’s just been a brutal week. I know it’ll get better though. When it rains…
