Hi, I apologize if this isn’t exactly “on-topic” so to speak, but I am not sure where else to go and I want to get my thoughts out somewhere.
I find it difficult to make real life friends, not because I necessarily have social anxiety but because I feel so disconnected from the reality everyone around me seems to be a part of. I live in the US, and I imagine I don’t need to explain the current state of the country to a lemmy community. I’m a leftist progressive, who also happens to be very privacy/foss focused. I also have a couple mental disorders that make it more difficult to “properly” socialize. I find it hard to relate to people who use mainstream social media, as when I hear or see people talk about it, all I see is the abuse of the working class. I see data harvesting and propaganda. I find it hard not to bring this up when talking to others, as it’s a core belief. I see it as fundamentally wrong that we allow ourselves to be whored out to data brokers for a quick hit of dopamine. I see the US falling into fascism and into a country of slavery (again) if we dont start advocating for workers rights and for the removal of the current admin. I use Linux, CalyxOS, I self host. I protest, I vote in local elections, and primaries. I like playing video games when I can bring myself to it. I have been enjoying the new DELTARUNE chapters, and am hoping to find a switch 2 (to keep offline and wait for homebrew)
The reason I mention these things is I feel so different from other people, and don’t know if its possible to find people who will want to be friends with me now. I’m not in college anymore, I graduated and I live in a somewhat suburban area. I have an s/o, and they’re supportive of my beliefs, but they also find it hard to make friends. Where should I go from here? Is my only solution really just sucking it up and have my internal monologue scream at me while listening to ‘friends’ talk about subjects and situations that trigger my inner activist to go off? Or are there possibly other people out there like me who I just haven’t found yet? I know that friendships have to make compromises, but fuck if its hard to compromise on things you see as violating human rights.
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There are absolutely other people out there like you, I’m a lot like what you’ve described, slightly different details, but overall it sounds very familiar to me. For a while I felt disconnected from society in almost dissociative kind of way, but in recent years I think I’ve come to realize it’s not really me who is dissociated from reality. You mention people using corporate social media and propaganda, I think those two things have created such terrible disparity between those who use it and those who don’t (and amongst the ones who use one network, but not the other one, etc…) and the people who strive for facts and empathy become alienated from what appears to be “normal” social behavior.
So yes, there are (hopefully many) people out there with whom you should not have to compromise your core principles to be friends with, but I think these types of individuals are the quietest, the most thoughtful, and introspective. The one compromise we the quiet ones should be making these days is to be vocal.
I hope you can find some likeminded folks to be social with!
Thank you <3
All those beliefs you described are perfectly fine and reasonable. Finding someone else who feels the same as you about all that stuff is a long shot though. It’s a lot of boxes to tick. Plus they have to be in fairly close proximity to be IRL friends, so even lower odds. Then you have to meet by chance. Just on that math alone, you will almost certainly need to calm that inner monologue and accept people’s differences. Maybe you can meet some people you can be 50% friends with. Or just close enough on a few interests and activities. Know what I mean?
Yeah, I just find it hard to not make myself heard. not Something I’m used to unfortunately
I found people like me and you hanging out at nonprofit businesses, maker spaces, socialist organization chapter meetings, and Linux Users Groups.
This is almost my exact experience, but a few details are different. I’m a bipoc geek and all my closest friends are also bipoc geeks. But their world views are essentially centrist. I try my best to listen and understand things in what some folks might refer to as a more “balanced” manner, but my core sociopolitical and economic values are still there. And not only do they not share that, but my family mostly doesn’t either.
When you mentioned disassociation, I really felt that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve (what often feels like) lecturing them on the evils of institutional racism, why diversity matters in media or gender inequality. I often feel like I’m stepping on their toes or chewing their ears off. Because I didn’t have anyone in my inner circle to relate to.
But then I joined a local socialist org (super conveniently having meetings that are very local and attending many zoom events) which also opened the door for me to learn about a bunch of other leftist / socialist meetup groups, creative events and the like. I admittedly joined this socialist org for vastly different reasons than what we’re talking about, but it helped to solidify the idea that I was never alone. Even in the political ways I thought was impossible. I even made two other friends acquaintances / friends who are also bipoc and leftist and queer and people of faith. An intersectional combo that gave me so much hope… (so the user who mentioned joining different groups…that does help, if you can hopefully find something local or online progressive groups that have virtual meetups)
It felt like I was finally starting my activist journey, but the problem was that I was getting extreme social and physical burnout from all the meetups and meetings. I had to take a break. That said, with the coming new year, I’ll be back on it. Just, focusing on more things that help my vulnerable neighborhood. Like, not stretching myself thin. Or and more mutual aid / leftist creative stuff.
Sorry for the looong answer. I get a bit too excited when I could connect so closely to someone, because it happens so rarely. Anyway, we can be online buddies, if you want. Our political passions are not perfectly aligned, but I still care deeply about things like privacy and the like (it’s partially why I became a Linux user; currently using Peppermint Debian edition now).
