- cross-posted to:
- technology@lemmit.online
- cross-posted to:
- technology@lemmit.online
The depiction of strangulation in pornography will be banned in a move to protect women from violence, the Government has announced.
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Good. Too many people are getting into breathplay nowadays without knowing the risks. We need better education around it as well but not exposing it to so many people will help.
I’m sorry, but I stopped taking the UK seriously on banning porn acts when it banned squirting and spanking. I just don’t believe that prohibition of art is what will meaningfully impact instances of domestic violence.
That’s been overturned as long as it’s consensual. Strangulation is a known red flag for the danger a domestic abuse perp poses. It’s also in line with the UK legislation about non fatal strangulation and banning the “rough sex” defence in murders cases.
Tbf, every time I’ve choked a girl during sex it’s because they directly asked me using their words of their own volition (I never brought it up like asking her can I do it or anything), and I asked “are you sure” and they double down on the consent, and typically they’ll use their hand to press my hand harder into their neck because I’m scared to go too hard. And also I’ve never domestically abused anyone (been the victim of emotional abuse though, not physical, unless you count using emotional abuse to force me to have sex physical then I guess I have been but idk.)
Point is: there are women who are into that. Seemingly a lot, actually. It’s not necessarily a red flag against me that I’m willing to please my partner (so long as there’s some mutual trust, I have said no before too when it was a first time with a hook up, for instance.)
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings I could share about this, but before I write out that veritable essay, I wanted to check in that we can have a good faith discussion about this, while respecting each other’s difference of opinion, and whether you’re up for having that discussion.
Go on
So, it’s really good to hear that the UK has walked back those prohibitions as long as things are consensual, but, that’s essentially where the law was beforehand. If someone posted a video of non-consensual spanking, or face-sitting, or similar then it surely would have been prosecuted under existing assault & battery laws.
That leads me into the crux of my opinion here, which is that I don’t believe this law is going to make a material difference. For anyone that was going to commit these sorts of acts of intimate partner violence, I don’t think this will prevent that. I don’t think you need to be educated on how to strangle someone, the concept is just deeply ingrained in the cultural zeitgeist. For example, I was just watching an Extra History video that mentioned hanging. I understand the fact that this pornography may normalise the act, but I don’t think it’s doing that so much for people that would commit intimate partner violence, but for those that would do it consensually.
I do know of the statistics that show that instances of violent intimate partner strangulation are a strong indicator of future homicidal acts. I think the way those statistics are presented is the best way they should be, in terms of protecting victims and convincing them to leave. However, the way they are then discussed in terms of these sorts of laws can be quite disingenuous. By their nature, they look at victims of intimate partner violence and only survey that group. They don’t survey a wider sample size that includes consensual strangulation, but the statistics are often still generalised to sound like they include that group as well.
As a quick aside, an issue I see here as well is that, whether you believe in this law or not, it only covers strangulation and not other forms of breath play. I can think of a couple dozen various forms of breath play I’ve seen depicted in pornography. All breath play should fall under RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) methodologies.
So what do I think a better solution to this problem is? Most obviously, I think education is what would materially make a difference. I think we need to be doing much better at educating teenagers on not just basic consent, but the intricacies of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK methodologies. I can recall, as a young adult that was queer and kinky, bumbling through learning how to do more dangerous acts safely. Then, later on, when I wanted to teach SSC to 18, 19 and 20 year olds in a local queer group, being denied because “it would be inappropriate” to do so. However, we should also be teaching this to older adults as well, perhaps through prominent consent disclaimers and links to resources that are developed and funded by government. I personally think that would work better than prohibition and censorship. As well, I find these sorts of laws to be, overall, anti-sex worker. Whereas, I think most sex workers would more readily support, and be able, to educate with their work.
Anyway, thank you if you made it to the end of my ramble. I’m coming at this from the side of being fairly involved in my local kink community, so I’m interested in hearing your take as someone that works with victims of intimate partner violence.
Yes it would have been illegal for the person to commit the assault but AFAIK filming and distributing the film is legal. Of course if the artist didn’t consent to the assault during sex, then it’s sexual assault. I appreciate your viewpoint and agree with a lot of what you say… sorry for the long commenf
I’ve worked in the field for around 20 years, and I’ve studied it at post grad level. A key issue with DA perps is unrealistic expectations, they expect their partner to anticipate their every need, be multi skilled, madonna and whore etc. Research shows that DA perps are heavy users of porn (including as minors), and have strange/problematic sexual practices. Link this with their unrealistic expectations and you get abusers expecting extreme sex and getting angry that their partner isn’t behaving like in porn.
I’m sure you know that DA perps use coercive control to trap their partner and make them traumatically bonded. They use strangulation to control and cause fear then reconciliation to keep their partner trapped. What people often don’t know is after the blow out, the perp demands sex. Victims acquiesce and IME don’t see that as rape.
Which brings me to the point. Strangulation, violences and strange practices in sex have become more normalised due to porn. Anecdotally I’m seeing a lot of women doing it because they think that’s what sex is, it’s obliged… and far more perps demanding it because he’s seen it in porn. They don’t do it safely or with true consent. When he attacks them then demands sex afterwards he’ll often be more extreme because he knows she’ll acquiesce. That’s often when the most violent and dangerous rapes are occurring… and also abusers murdering their partner and claiming it was rough sex.
Then there’s all the issues with the porn industry being poorly controlled, performers not giving true consent, lack of safe words etc. Which I’m sure you agree really isn’t ok. Also just fyi, absolutely never tell a victim they should leave. Leaving is the most dangerous time in DA, plus victims get told what to do enough by their spouse. Instead look at developing a safety plan
…dangerous online material is perpetuating the growing epidemic of violence against women and girls…
Serious question because I actually don’t know the answer, but is there a proven link between this kind of content and real violence? I would hope a person would know that strangling people is not okay and there’s such things as safe words/actions, but I’ve expected too much of society in the past.
There’s a few research papers showing a link. I’m a domestic abuse outreach worker and lots of perps are heavy porn users and have strange sexual practices… obviously it’s not as simple as “watch porn, become violent”
