Incredibly enough, I’ve been working for seven years and I’m still capable of translating this somehow. I knew that following Lessons in Meme History would come handy. Anyway:

when im reading my ethical queer medias

Self-explanatory, hopefully - OP is reading media with non-heterosexual content and no problematic associations…

and the darkwoke rape malegaze core media chuddys

…and the sleazy suckers that are into the progressive media for the wrong reasons, especially their desire to view media as a way to satisfy their misogynist, abusive tendencies…

infest my woke fandom with tourist hetslop incel behaviour

…screw with OP’s progressive group of media aficionados by behaving in a way not proper of an actual established fan, including their acting like an “involuntary celibate” (who believes he’s owed love and sex, but is blocked by social circumstances outside of his control) and “heterosexual slop” (pointless fan content that tries to detract the queer fandom’s established relationship head-canons a.k.a. shipping)…

so i begin age regressing into a different species

…and this is where the sarcasm starts to show, as OP claims to start mentally turning into a trans-species baby…

and beg my mediatok polycule to comfort me

…and asks OP’s group of polyamorous lovers from the media-appreciation parts of TikTok to give some comfort…

(my yumeshipper PTSD kicked in)

…as OP’s past trauma from having self-shipped (that is, considered oneself as being in a relationship with a specific fictional character) starts to rear its head again.