I would probably explain my financial bind and need and ask if it’s ok. Both my parents were a little… mean… but one thing they retained from both sets of grands and greats was, once you give a gift, it’s not yours anymore, and you have zero right to dictate how the recipient utilizes it.
To me, this is just a weird take, like means-testing, and if you make too much or sell food benefits to buy Ziploc or bus fare to work, they penalize you.
Not all of us are graced with parents who teach (and maybe even know) basic etiquette. And some people are stuck in survival mode, it’s easy to get there. I speak from experience. I get you 100%. And I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m simply musing that none of us are omniscient, and as an old saying goes, “but for the grace of the Creator, there go I.” I guess in modern times it would be more palatably universally phrased, “but for the grace of good upbringing and daily working on myself, there go I.” And like I fail plenty too. So I’m not pointing fingers. I’m still doing my shadow work.
I hear ya! I think we pretty much agree on this. I would be hard pressed to know exactly how I would act in this same situation, I don’t think I would snatch the shoes back, but it’s good to remember that every one of us have hidden struggles.
They would have said something more like “oh, maybe I can sell these and get two pairs of <shoe> to last longer.” or “wow, I can sell these and buy some groceries and a pair of <cheaper shoes>.”
Maybe the parent wanted to sell the shoes to buy their kid a new, better fitting pair even if they were less expensive?
It would still be rude to say “I’m going to make money off of this” to the gifter’s face.
There’s such a thing as being gracious.
I would probably explain my financial bind and need and ask if it’s ok. Both my parents were a little… mean… but one thing they retained from both sets of grands and greats was, once you give a gift, it’s not yours anymore, and you have zero right to dictate how the recipient utilizes it.
To me, this is just a weird take, like means-testing, and if you make too much or sell food benefits to buy Ziploc or bus fare to work, they penalize you.
See, I would view this as a gracious way of accepting the gift.
Yes but even so, a gift once given is none of my business. But I’m well aware I think differently than most people.
Eta: because a lot of people are shamed into hiding genuine need.
The scenario is during the act of giving the gift. I think the way it was phrased was rude, not the actual act of reselling the shoes.
Edit:
I absolutely agree with you.
Not all of us are graced with parents who teach (and maybe even know) basic etiquette. And some people are stuck in survival mode, it’s easy to get there. I speak from experience. I get you 100%. And I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m simply musing that none of us are omniscient, and as an old saying goes, “but for the grace of the Creator, there go I.” I guess in modern times it would be more palatably universally phrased, “but for the grace of good upbringing and daily working on myself, there go I.” And like I fail plenty too. So I’m not pointing fingers. I’m still doing my shadow work.
I hear ya! I think we pretty much agree on this. I would be hard pressed to know exactly how I would act in this same situation, I don’t think I would snatch the shoes back, but it’s good to remember that every one of us have hidden struggles.
Thanks for your viewpoint here!
They would have said something more like “oh, maybe I can sell these and get two pairs of <shoe> to last longer.” or “wow, I can sell these and buy some groceries and a pair of <cheaper shoes>.”
Or groceries. Or a birthday gift for the kid.