Looks great, I’ll take it.

You owe me $14.50 for reading that.

At $14.50 per hour, he’s going to take the shortest route.

Getting a tattoo is too much of a commitment for me.

Oh yeah, she’s just as bad as she ever was, it’s just that she finally admitted Trump was a whack job, probably because she thinks she can get MAGA to follow her instead.

Don’t worry about it mom, I’m just…a horny slut.

Nice psy-op. Now Putin will have to order everyone to be there, and they’ll all be watching the skies instead of his dumb parade.

Soon they’ll be trillionaires, and there will be no stopping them.

The difference between a million dollars and a billion dollars is about a billion dollars. To a billionaire, a mere millionaire might as well be someone on welfare.

She’ll definitely remember that one.

She’ll remember that he prefers to be with his work family than her.

Best parenting advice: Love what your kids love, and your kids will love you.

I once saw a guy in a suit, having lunch with his teenage skater-kid son in Chipotle. The line wound past them, so I could hear the kid telling his dad all about the latest episode of Dragonball Z in excruciating detail, as the Dad nodded absently, and looked like he wanted to die.

I went home and told my son my “Love What Your Kids Love” philosophy, and said that when he was young, if he had wanted to talk to me in excruciating detail about some dumb anime thing, I would have…had to cut him loose. Sorry, I just couldn’t do it.

He thought that was hilarious. He hates anime.

They know that.