If it’s doing this right at boot up even after a reset / clean install of the OS then it’s likely a hardware failure. You can run diagnostics also, see: https://support.apple.com/en-us/102550.

Take it back and get a different one.

Even when I know what I want I cringe with the 90% scammy apps in the search results.

Option 3: No MacRumor, 9to5apple, and other spam blogs. No conflict of interests and the forum will have higher SNR.

Doubtful, they probably only have it because they can share the cpu chip package with the next iPad pro if it doesn’t sell well or vice versa.

Well the biggest update seems to be finally having modern GPU features, that is DirextX 12 Ultimate features. They had to make room somewhere for that hardware. Too bad they didn’t give any actual benchmarks for the new shaders or raytracing acceleration performance.