oh shit that’s terrifying, thank you for the info! I’ll try to find the steps to avoid in order to not accidentally end up buying and growing spores

right, this is true. i was operating under the assumption that all the proper identification and relevant safety precautions were taken beforehand.

UPDATE: Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate all of it. With that being said, we’re out of the woods comrades :)

Firstly, I was wrong about them having to watch you piss. It turns out that I got that info from a panicked google search and I later called up the hospital to clarify this, they said that they would only need to watch me if I refused to provide a sample, or if it looks like the sample I provided had been contaminated. This was my first good news, as I saw this as a good opportunity to revisit Operation Pissjar™ where I bring in a jar of my clean friend’s piss.

After that though, I found out that they’re actually using the XCup 4 panel 4045 test, which, as it turns out, does not actually test for cannabis. It instead tests for amphetamines, cocaine, opiates, and PCP. If it were a 5 panel test, I would have needed to worry about cannabis, but it’s not, so I’m fine. I am a little bit peeved, though, as the offer letter my job sent specifically said they’d be testing for weed, and every cursory google search I made said that 4 panel tests look for weed, but the specific one that they’re using apparently doesn’t.

So apologies for the panic, but thank you all again for the advice. Fuck drug tests, fuck sobriety as a hiring requirement, fuck America.

yeah no lmao they’re just unhinged

The only reason it says that is because i changed their contact name to “lmao wafe”

It was just a “Hey, ******* it’s ******** with the Communist party, another member forwarded me your application and wanted me to reach out since there’s no official party presence in *******. Let me know if you want to get in touch with other members in *******!”

That would dox me