I caught my mailman trying to teach my dogs how to take packages to my porch. He was holding a small package out to them over the fence and was like, “Take this to your mama!”

And my dogs were just losing their minds because the mailman was talking to them. I said hi and he got all embarrassed when he realized I was there and waved at me like he totally wasn’t trying to teach my dogs a trick.

I get tattoos because I wanna look dope af in life AND death. I plan on donating my body to a medical school and I want all the people who are dissecting me to think I was rad as hell

Got laughed at when I asked for a raise. That’s when I knew I had to start looking for a better job. Haven’t been able to find one, though

Lol, lmao even

Maybe this could be the best timeline after all.

Pumpkin Earth Theory

I’ve already started looking. I’ve asked for a raise twice and I got laughed at.

Me rn and I hate it

I have one like that. It’s a pain in the ass to grab socks from the bottom because I’m super short.

None of us have apple devices.

Is it user-friendly?

Is tidal user friendly? The people I share Spotify with aren’t tech savvy.

Is there another service that has anything comparable to Spotify’s family plan? I have like 4 other people on the family plan I pay for and I really don’t wanna fuck them over by switching lol

She’d probably be very offended that I ate her snack lol.

Shout-out to the time I said an NPC was a bugbear but I forgot that he was actually a half orc and when the players found him at the next session, they took it in stride and pretended none of their character knew what a bugbear actually is and were like “Is bugbear a slur for half orcs?” In character and the consensus was that it is.

Omg people can eat these??? My horse goes absolutely crazy for these things

Now I gotta try some and see what all the fuss is about

Right?? Like this neighbor seemed pretty damn cool until he pulled that shit. He lost a bunch of weight and he suddenly became the biggest dickhead on the planet…🙄

It really was. I had to pay my usual grass guy the price of a full cut to finish it, too. Apparently making the drive to my place for less isn’t worth it for him, which I totally understand. I could not afford a full cut on my own, so I had to borrow money from my mom. My usual grass guy is really great and he uses my yard to teach his kids yard work, so my mom didn’t mind helping me out.

Still super bummed about the wildlife needing food though. It’s super illegal to actively feed the wildlife where I live, so I can’t really provide for them.

I was purposefully allowing my grass to grow because my area is in a severe drought and the herbivorous wildlife (groundhogs, rabbits, and deer) have slim pickings right now and they started coming onto my property to eat. I even leave the gates open to the fenced part when I’m not home so the critters can get in easier.

The other day my neighbor mowed half my yard without my consent because he saw a garter snake cross the road and go into my yard. I was, and still am, so pissed. He cut the grass down to the dirt. He didn’t even tell me after the fact. I had to go door to door asking my neighbors if they knew who tf touched my yard while I was out and about. My neighbor admitted to it when I got to his place to ask and had the audacity to get shitty with me about letting my grass grow.

You gotta eat them on principle alone. Just suffering through a single bite is enough.