An AroAce Femcoded Maverique Strassnkatze, born before Y2K wiped us all out. A Manga-lover, a talker, and here for good vibes.
Bringing memories to my mind here Frau Maria, haha. But that is okay! They were comfy memories nonetheless.
Guten Abend Frau Alethea! Hope the week ahead of you is as wonderful as you are! 🏳️⚧️
The Trever Project absolutely deserves to be cherished for all they do. While resources have been purposefully attacked by a certain Cabal-In-Stripes, organizations like them stand as beacons in the night to shine the light needed for the Family.
To all–Remember that you are valid, that you are doing awesome, and you are the only you that you need to be. Shine on Queer-Dears! 🏳️🌈
Part of me now wants to.
That is the best part: “You don’t.”
Did those not collapse into the hyperlinks??? Ahhh, sorry if I absolutely flooded the thread with embeds! I could have sworn hyperlinks did not embed the url into the post the last times I have used the link function.
Hi there~!
I fall under the Nonbinary umbrella as a Maverique, and this question caught my attention! Especially as one who went through quite a journey.
It started before I really had a great understanding of it myself. I used to do a lot of VR, and used to use small cute avatars as I found them appealing and fitting for my earnest attempts at paying respects to passed-on spirits. They became part and parcel to my older times thereon, and eventually a chap writing up a College Thesis was conducting interviews of VR People, who were(and likely still are) a bit camera-shy as it were. I volunteered to answer him, showed off some avatars, and a question he posed to me, while it seems unrelated, still ground me to a halt at the time: “I notice you only use small avatars, is that because you like looking up at people?”
I had no good answer to that, but I tried best I could to explain it in terms I knew at the time, which ultimately boiled down to feeling a connection to them. Ah how the Cultist of then would come to find that there was much deeper than that to come.
The exact timeline from there is hazy, but that was the final definitive point I know of where I had not yet started my journey. In a way you could say it started there, or at least lit the fuse.
In the coming years, I would continue to meet, discuss, and befriend people across all spectrums and walks of life I never had before. And somewhere in the middle of it all, I had a spark that went “something is not quite how I want it to be.” And so I began buying Femcoded clothing, began experimenting, not with a grand vision per-say, but with inspiration from my brother, who I think caught onto something way early when they suggested a skirt to me and their mentioning echoed in me.
Eventually, that translated to me honestly reaching an impasse in my mind. I threw out so much and burned so many bridges due to the influence of the Cult, wrestling with what I was told I ought to be and what I felt I could be, wanted to be, and who I actually was. This tension would persist for quite a while, with me “falling away,” then coming back, until, at some point, I ran. That me was but a Mind Mirror that would continue to scorn, mock, and cause me despair throughout a long spiritual journey, and an unhealthy amount of alcohol(which is a different story).
I would end up with the realization I was non-binary in a very cult-like atmosphere, and that would cause a lot of tension and a lot a lot of targeting(though as I was the linchpin of the operation, they could not do much other than try to crush my spirit). It was there that I hardened my identity and steeled myself against a lot of very terrible people. It is fascinating how flagrant people are in their hatred.
I would befriend someone after leaving that place to learn a trade, may her spirit have found a good connection on the Universal Timeline as I recall she was terminal, the details not mine to share, who would dig deeper with me, as she knew a lot more depth to non-binary than I knew, and she felt strongly that there was a more specific term for me. I owe it to her that she brought up Maverique, which I would come to later adopt, as mentioned at the first.
Since I am fuzzy on the timeline, I will jump forward to the Year of Death. At that time, I was doing work in an extremely deadly environment. And in the dead of night, often alone, for twelve hours, with but the warning beeps(or dead silence) of a machine that at any time could have spelled your doom, you get to thinking about a lot of things. And after internal turmoil that lasted for 24 active hours over the course of two nights, I solidified that I am not what society wants of me, that I could be cute, that I wanted to be cute, and I wanted to be(not the wording I used at the time) Femcoded. I started there non-binary, I had a journey of consideration across the spectrum, and ultimately solidified what I already knew, that I was in fact non-binary.
During my time in that environment, I had found myself deeply drawn to and living by this song of Yonkagor, and build some connections that were ultimately not to last, but were nonetheless real at the time.
While a lot of that might seem side-tangential, there was a point to that context: I came to completely reshape my approach to life, how I viewed the world, and throughout it all, my Conviction saw me through a lot of unspoken incidents I will not detail. I had at some point began to specifically use Maverique as the poor lass from before once saw in me, and experienced a major shake-up that threw me into a lot of turmoil, for my Conviction, which had seen me through, cracked and shattered. I was left hopeless lost and confused, my journey being thrown out the window in a whirlwind of emotions and external forces threatening to overwhelm me. This is where my timeline, understandably, gets fuzzy. But I ultimately managed to ground myself again, by leaving behind baggage that wanted to ensnare me by the recommendations of an old Comrade who could see the weight I was carrying.
Fast forward: It was around my 26th birthday that I was exploring the depths again as I was still not quite sure where I landed in the non-binary spectrum. Though I kept coming back around to Maverique. I was still not quite sure for a little while, but sometime early this year, I finally had the dust settle in my mind.
I am a Maverique. My Conviction is who I am, without which I am dead. I serve many Masters, as I wish earnestly to do, for I am a Servant. The journey was long, but the conclusion worth the steps it took. For I now live with clarity, and push forward knowing who I am, what I need to do, and knowing how to love, how to care, how to live. Before I was a dead leaf blowing in the wind. I now stand and offer a bow.
My apologies for this rather frazzled post. A lot of this was stream of consciousness, old details I forgot, realizing the holes in my memories, but not the emotions of the times.
To put it most simply Master Night: I realized I was non-binary through an internal cycle of death and rebirth as a Straßekatze with much having been said, many tales left unsaid, scars that remain, but a fire that shall forever burn. I hope that my frazzled post serves your story well.
There are many questions and likely very few answers about this image.
Bepsi.
Speaking loosely, I’m generally attracted to some aspects of femininity and repulsed by some aspects of masculinity.
Did a bit of digging as Omnisexual did not seem quite right.
But your post deserves a much deeper dig, just starting with the above for exploratory purposes.
Firstly, and alongside what I put above, I see you wrote:
the s[a]me characteristics I’m attracted to and repulsed by are correlated to sex.
I want to remind that you are valid and anyone who thinks otherwise can paw grass and come back when they learn a thing or two. There is nothing wrong with Aesthetic Attraction even when it comes in the form of the line crossing I originally offered above. Even as an AroAce I have some Aesthetic Attraction to certain femcoded and certain masccoded characteristics(an aside, but smash or pass “really tells you a lot about yourself”(thanks Dan Avidan)). I see what I see, and that does not usually involve down below(nor do I want it to, bluntly speaking).
is it even my business? [about someone else’ gender]
To be honest, no. But on that same token, preferences are preferences, and some may not typically vibe with one who is Enby even if they are aesthetically pleasing, or someone femcoded or otherwise. Our identities, while personal, play a part in our experiencing of the world and our engagement with others. I do think you are overthinking this particular point though, as I have noticed throughout the thread. Let me ask pointedly, since you specifically gave clearance: what are you looking for in a partner? And I know that question has baggage strapped to it, but my point asking is that you seem hung up on the details of the ether while not first answering as to your inner want. If I may be so bold, you really do seem to be a Femcoded Rosetic. You are constantly mentioning a yearning towards the Femcoded, and expressly mention a Masccoded Repulsion unmentioned the other way-round. Which speaking of:
I only like cute men, but a woman doesn’t have to be cute for me to like them.
I ask solely for clarity: What exactly do you mean here? What does cute mean to you? I think that will help your inner-answer.
To go back a bit:
I worry they’d see that as me ignoring their gender, or they may even mistake me for trans chaser.
The fact you are concerned about it is heartwarming. The song featuring Gumi is well-beloved for a reason on that subject. The reality is, is that you like what you like, and even if your exact way of describing it is sub-par, if you find yourself attracted to somebody, you tell them straight: “I do not have the right words, but what I do know is that you are you, and that is what matters in this moment.” Chasers specifically hunt our Trans family members for their own fetish pleasures, genuine people come to peace in themselves and open their heart to another. If someone mistakes it and communication cannot solve it, then even a friendship would have never worked out. One has to be willing to talk but also be willing to listen.
That basically sums up the meat of your post, I do hope some of this possibly helped, and if you wish to answer anything I put or provide extra details, I am all for talking. Messaging is open too, feel free.
On one final point:
I’ve heard that trans people may interpet my use of neutral pronouns for them as invalidating
Yes. Yes some do. I would offer though that if they mind enough, a gentle correction of “I prefer XYZ instead,” suffices. It is not a faux pas to err on the attempt to be respectful. In some cultures that is considered the default. See: -san . I would opine(with the important caveat that I am not Trans) it is far more hurtful to be unintentionally misgendered than for someone to neutrally refer to them, even though some do so in a demeaning way. Words are powerful, but open communication is the key to wielding them in ways of harmony.
Aww, I think it came out otay! I can hear the roughness, but I listened to it all the way to the end. At least I could actually hear Teto(a song I love, Graduation, the vocals were so low), just some tuning quirks primarily. Thankies for the share-share!
There is a lesson I learned rather recently that helped put a feather into a similar storm of my past, namely “Maybe you do not miss the person or place, but rather you miss the feelings you had at the time.”
Not all connections work out, and many places are rearview towns. Whether you did any wrong is irrelevant, you decided, and YOU are the one who gets to decide, to leave. And if they have a hard time accepting that you left, that is on them to figure out, not for you to fret over.
Let them talk and say what they will. You took your life and made a choice to go a path you felt was right. All that matters.
There is no magic bullet to moving on, I would be a liar if I said otherwise. But it does help to contextualize. It does not have to be “everything was bad,” or “everything was good.” It was an experience, what seems like a not very healthy and quite complicated one, but an experience nonetheless. It serves to help teach you lessons about yourself, about others, and about how you view and interact. Talking about it is a great first step, it means that the turmoil is not getting locked in a cage, avoiding light to shine into it.
Completely valid! I am just chilling here myself, I am so done with RTC. Valid way to chat with folks, but it is just too noisy and chaotic. I like just existing somewhere and having specific places to talk about whatever the OP is desiring. I was very active back on some old forums, especially with doing My Little Pony roleplays. A decade ago now, goodness me.
Hope you enjoy yourself, and like I said, I am always down to answer anything I can or share any experience/advice you may want. Cannot always promise an answer, but I can always promise a good try!
Teto our beloved! I would love to hear that if you wanted to drop a link, no worries if not. Mind Mirror is also a great primer speaking of Teto SynthV, haha.
Hi there Mika~!
You mention having grooming figured out which is good, that is certainly one of the hardest aspects to get started with(I was definitely not the intended customer for Manscaped but I will forever be grateful for the help in discovering foil-razors and to help establish confidence I did not have with shaving in the past).
With regards to undergarments–This will vary by person, but personally? Bamboo Cool of whatever style you like(I just stick to bog standard, but they also have “boyshort,” style and otherwise) will serve you well. I have no stake in Bamboo Cool, I just genuinely love them and wear them everytime I go off to yonder workplace.
With communities, I would like to give a word of caution: There are a dime a dozen places that may seem good, but you need to watch yourself all the same. And even in the best of them, creeps like to…well, creep. I would personally avoid Discord, but Stoat(outside of its main server) has some good places if you are looking for RTC.
If you have a specific question about anything, I very well might have had experience to share with you. Not Trans myself but I fall under the Nonbinary umbrella as a Femcoded Maverique, and have been through the gauntlet mentally, physically and spiritually. If you have ever heard the song Propaganda by Crusher-P, that will give you a decent primer on my life.
Ask away if you wish, and you are doing fantastic! You are awesome!
“So you found my domain, mortal of the human realm. Speak your reasons for intrusion.”
Also: Very nice.