My wife and I just watched I Saw the TV Glow last week. It definitely hits hard but I feel like it would’ve absolutely wrecked me if I was still closeted lol

Got my letters updated, and pre-op blood work and forms done. Blood work was good so hopefully that means everything is set for surgery in December. Last step is getting insurance to clear it so fingers crossed for that. Got cat-called on my way back from my appointment #ewphoria, and got a bunch of extra attention from men in general all weekend. I had a voice therapy appointment also and my therapist told me that I might be the fastest study she’s ever had. At this point, we just shoot the shit for an hour and she picks out moments when my voice drops back into masc tendencies so I can correct it.

Even still, I’ve been battling confidence issues and dysphorias more recently. I had my period this past week which usually nukes my confidence so I know it’ll come back. It also causes my voice to get awfulll. We had a big get together yesterday with a bunch of friends and I really wish that I would’ve been feeling better and sounding better for it. But I’m feeling cute today so I think I’m on the other side of it.

I’ve also been feeling more and more isolated. I have one other trans girlfriend but we’re very different people and I think she gets more jealous of my transition and sees me more like a competitor than a friend. I don’t really know what to do with that. I wish I had an irl girlfriend who we could help each other navigate our transitions. It saddens me that I’ll eventually get to a point where I don’t really have any milestones left to celebrate with someone who really gets it.

Haiiii Mika and congratulations!! I also joined the community here pretty recently after lurking for a while. So many of the things you wrote about resonated very deeply with me, especially when you were accidentally gendered correctly, even if you didn’t realize it at the time. I had a similar experience waiting in line at the DMV and it was extremely euphoric, years before I came out or even began transitioning. My unsolicited advice would be that it’s easy to look back and see everything in hindsight after your egg cracks and feel like yourl were stupid for missing it. Please be kind to your past self, she didn’t know any better and did her best.

Looking forward to being a small, and hopefully positive, part of your journey! :)

There’s a youtuber named Sofia Love who made makeup tutorials years ago and I love her voice. She hasn’t put out a video in years though. The girls from the Doll Deranged podcast are also a good example of how trans voices don’t need to be hyper feminized to still be feminine and passing and beautiful.

My breakthrough came when I stopped overanalyzing every little mannerism and getting overwhelmed at the thought of needing to relearn how to pronounce every word in my vocabulary. Until that point, I had thought that I needed to learn how to act feminine and that induced a lot of imposter syndrome. I then realized that the only acting I was doing was pre-transition when I presenting masculine because I am just a naturally feminine person. Once I realized that, I kind of just let myself express how I naturally would and its mostly all fallen into place. Hopefully that makes sense. Its 3 am and I can’t sleep.

I have a friend that knew me way before I transitioned and we were always really touchy with each other. One day a few months after I began transitioning we were joking around with each other and he pokes me right on the boob (which wasn’t really there yet) and just freezes, says “waaaiiitttt” really slowly, then we just look at each other like 😯.

I just started laughing and was like “yeaaa so that’s different now, huh?” Establishing new boundaries is a very interesting experience especially when they’re inadvertently crossed.

Brooke Autumn gives me such incredibly cozy vibes, I love that one the most.

Hi! Just going to address a couple points since I’m honestly not too familiar with the intracancies of sexual orientation and gender identities and the crossover in between. What I can speak to, as a trans woman, is my interpretation of trans invalidation. My first point is to be careful in using trans as an adjective instead of a noun. You typed “transwoman” and “transman” several times and that is incorrect. I am a woman who is trans and I am also tall. You wouldn’t call me a “tallwoman”, since tall is a descriptor. It’s a minor distinction grammar wise but i think most trans people are sensitive to it.

Second, you mentioned being afraid of accidentally invalidating trans people by using gender neutral terms as a default. I think this is something that is highly variable person to person. I would personally rather get referred to with gender neutral pronouns than the wrong ones, but it does make me upset that my gender expression is ambiguous enough that it makes folks question. I would much rather be gendered correctly from the get go, but that is asking for a lot of guess work from strangers. On the other hand, if someone has made you aware of their preferred pronouns, still using gender neutral ones is very invalidating in my opinion.

Hope this helps!

Hi Penny! Days like that are always a bummer but I’m glad that you’re still feeling good! I LOVE heels :)

It’s definitely not stupid. It’s a nice hope to have. And no one knows what comes after so why not hold onto that if it’s something that helps you navigate this life in a positive manner. It’s literally not hurting anyone.

Personally, I don’t believe that anything comes after this life and that our consciousness is nothing more than an evolutionary trait that hominids developed to gain an advantage for survival. Therefore I have to keep my momentum going to make this life and whatever time so have left in it something that is worth enduring and enjoying. Grieving the life we didnt get to have when its appropriate, but recognizing that no one gets to have exactly the life that they want. At the same time, transitioning gives us an incredible opportunity to right some of those wrongs, perhaps more so than most cis-people get. In that way, I view transitioning, with all of its peaks and pitfalls, as an incredible gift. But I’ve also had an incredibly priveledged transition so I understand if other folks don’t view it that way.

Thank you!!! I just want more IRL trans fransssss lol

But fuck that. I want it and I want it now, that’s what it is. I’ve been fantasizing about this for years, way before I realized I’m trans.

For real. It may seem like I’m rushing through my transition and, from the outside perspective, that I’m being rash and not thinking things through. But in reality, these feelings have just been at critical mass for a long time, I just didnt say anything about it until now. So it sucks to be at the point where I need things to happen now but also need to wait for loved ones and the medical process to catch up.

Can’t even say I’m 100% certain it’s the right call, but I definitely don’t want to spent the rest of my life wondering.

Inaction is still action. I know what that life is like and it doesn’t work, so why sit stagnant in it when I could do something to maybe make life better.

Can’t say I’m super excited about having to dilate for the rest of my life or the infection risks, but I just hope it’ll be worth it.

Same. I just couldn’t close off the possibility without experiencing it first. I don’t want to disappoint myself later on because I cannot satisfy cravings that I could have because my anatomy doesn’t allow for it. And to have that due to a choice I made would probably induce a different type of dysphoria.

Wow, it brought the wait down ~2 years for you? Now I want a mental breakdown x).

Yea super fun, highly recommend… Lmao I am thankful that transitioning unlocked this sassy, spicy, bitchy side of me that helps propel my self advocacy. Not getting surgery this winter was not going ti be an option with the plans my wife and I have made moving forward. So I’m so psyched that I was able to find an alternative who is reputable, experienced, and comfortable.

Which means, the break me and my boyfriend are having is over.

Yea absolutely fuck that guy. My mom wished me a happy 1 year since coming out to her on that day. It makes me so happy that I now occupy at least a small part of my mom’s brain on that asshole’s special day lol

I don’t call myself a bitch without reason lmao

Congratulations! I consider telling my mother to be the kickoff of my transition. I did it on my shitty brother’s birthday so I now have a reason to celebrate that day lol happy to hear it went well :)

Interesting indeed, that’s a bit how I feel about my facial hair since I started laser. Still hate it of course, but knowing it’ll be gone soon surely calmed me down a lot. Though, I read even post-op may need some time for it all to actually settle in, surely a very subjective experience. Feel free to keep us posted :3

Yea at least with my facial hair, I feel better each time I have an electrolysis session. I’ve definitely grown addicted to the results, even if it is slow going. I can only do 2 hours a month since my electrologist is only around for a week at a time each month. I’ll definitely keep y’all updated, I’d like to do a total review of my overall experience at some point.

Well, I’ll need a time machine for that, so not the best odds :3. Took me about 6 months to kinda finalize the decision that I want SRS, if I could have it my way I would’ve done it the next day.

Girl truuuu lol a time machine would do wonders! I had a viewpoint before I actually started transitioning where I was like “I know that if I ever do transition, I am absolutely getting bottom surgery”. So it helped that the decision was pretty much already made. What did surprise me is that I was about 98% sure that I just wanted a minimal-depth procedure. But I was never able to feel 100% in that decision and because of that, I forced myself to reconsider my rationale and I realized that I was leaning more toward convenience rather than what I actually wanted. So I’m now getting PIV and I’m at 100% with it. In that way, I’m kinda thankful for my mental breakdown when I was looking at a 3 year wait since it forced me to think about alternatives.

Glad you’re back. I sent you a message on your other account. I hope you find what you’re looking for in these communities. I liked your video and I also listened to your music a little bit. I admire anytime someone shares something they create, especially if its something they’re passionate about.

Thank you!!! 💜

Thank you Domi!!!

Yeaaaaah I can’t stay still very long lol really though, I’ve been researching bottom surgery for years, even before I knew I was going to transition. So after I got my fertility preservation and hormone therapy figured out, I knew that getting the ball (heh) rolling on it was going to be one of my big goals, along with finishing electrolysis and voice therapy. I’m going to be getting it like almost exactly on my 1st birHRTday but its just because I’ve already done so much legwork already.

It’s been interesting how I’ve been feeling now that I have a date. I thought that maybe the dysphoria would alleviate knowing that there’s an end to it, but that wasn’t really the case. I’m a little worried that it’ll actually just continue getting worse in the lead up. However, I feel much more settled in my identity and I’m actually pretty proud of myself for continuing to pursue it and advocate for myself. Like the imposter syndrome has almost disappeared.

I hope your appointment goes well and that your timeline works out!