Hi, I am an early twenties woman just moved to London almost a month ago and was walking home after having picked up a parcel from my local Tesco. I live in the Bethnal Green/Cambridge Heath area, so not the best but I don’t think it’s the worst either(?).
Anyways, a homeless person just approached me and for some reason I didn’t walk away like I would usually do, as I was a bit spaced out. He asked me if I could come close by to help pay for his monthly shelter at the church which would have ended up being like 17 gbp.
I considered it, especially knowing there are homeless shelters in the area (and he was following me so it was a bit awkward), but told me it’s cash and I don’t do cash and was not going to follow a random person to somewhere unknown even though he said it was “just around the corner” so I finally told him off and he simply left, complaining about how he is used to being ignored.
I have very mixed feelings about the encounter and wish it didn’t happen. Checked the map, there does seem to be a shelter in the direction he pointed me towards but it was not “just around the corner” as he put it.
This happened on a1209, between the McDonald’s and Bethnal Green tube station.
Did I just dodge a huge bullet? I feel bad - I wish I could help people in need but I feel like I would have risked too much for no reason. The entire encounter felt off somehow. I guess I’m just shocked at the possibility of someone literally picking me off the street and trying to trick me so he could hurt me, and looking believable. I must have been very lucky in my life to have never felt this, and I hate having to become cold/heartless/etc to make sure I stay safe.
Thanks for reading, I just needed to tell this to someone I guess.
A good rule of thumb when someone approaches you in the street is to not let them dictate your location. That can include them stopping you in the street, so keep walking and talking - if they were working to a plan, you are already disrupting it.
Don’t feel bad, you were in a vulnerable position and even if it was a genuine request you shouldn’t feel pressured to place yourself in danger.
If you really want to help the homeless, or ease your conscience, donate to Shelter. At least there you know the money won’t be going towards someone’s drug habit.
What makes me feel so bad is feeling like I was singled out and persuaded. It was also really weird that he seemed to try to convince me to go with him - he could have asked for the money itself, right? I didn’t think to ask if he’d just accept the sum without having me go with him. If he’d refused, that would have been a clear red flag that he was trying to get me to some shady spot and hurt me.
But then again, if I were in that position, I could imagine asking people to come with me to do the payment for them so they see that I’m not swindling them and taking the money to buy drugs instead.
😅
It felt wrong to you and you backed out. It’s good to trust your instincts when they tell you you might be at risk. I think you did the only sensible thing you could.
What makes me feel so bad is feeling like I was singled out and persuaded.
I wouldn’t worry about that too much, if it was a scam, they will likely try it on with dozens of people (you have to throw a lot of hooks into the water to find someone that’ll bite), or if it wasn’t, then you look kind (possibly rich and generous), which is no bad thing.
A homeless guy came up to me on Liverpool Street station last week asking for money. Same thing happened, I don’t carry cash. He said there was an ATM round the corner, but I firmly said no, and he went away.
If I had had cash, I wouldn’t mind giving it, but I’m not going to expose access to a card or get in a dodgy situation for anyone desperate for money.
Most people asking for money are just hustling though. We’ve all seen the dude asking for a fiver because that’s only what he needs to get the train ticket back home. Doesn’t matter how many fivers he gets, he’s also missing just five again tomorrow. A lot of them who ask for money for food gets real angry if you bring them food.
It does not matter if there’s a shelter or whatever the story is, or even if it’s true. Fact is that they’re in a situation that either requires them to beg or hustle for money.
If you want to be able to help someone that way, it’s probably better to carry a small amount of cash.
Yes, I had the same same thing happen with the ATM being very close and all that. I even offered to get him anything he wanted from a nearby place but he insisted on the shelter (understandably so if it did truly help him have a roof over his head for a while). thanks for your reply, I think I just need someone to talk to, i am scared at the possibility of me actually going through with it and having something bad happen to me. Not used to being this guarded.
I once offered to buy food for a woman who was looking rather rough outside a fairly upmarket supermarket like Marks and Spencer or something. She said it was a waste of money to get expensive for her and there was an Aldi or something just round the corner.
Just around the corner turned out to be a ten minute walk through parts of the city I didn’t know. I hated the loss of control and the fact that I didn’t know exactly where I was. It made me uncomfortable the whole time. I’m a big, fairly strong man who wasn’t in real risk of being overpowered by one woman (assuming she really was alone), and even I was concerned for my safety. He could have overpowered you.
Anyway, I recognised where we were when we re-emerged from some side street, and I got her some food, then she suggested something else I wasn’t happy with like giving her cash or something or buying her something else in another shop, can’t remember which.
I said no and it was all fine, but I will absolutely never do that again. It was unpleasant.
I strongly recommend not following someone you just met who wants you to go to a location you don’t know. Been there, done that, it ended fine, but I won’t ever do it again. You chose well. He might have been honest and no danger to you, but you can’t know that and your instincts told you to be cautious - don’t ignore those instincts; you might be picking up on clues you simply can’t put into words about his behaviour and your surroundings.
I had the same same thing happen with the ATM being very close and all that.
Yeah, the ATM is a tricky location, they can either grab your purse or, while you are focused on the keypad, they can step up behind you, show you a knife or screwdriver and suggest you might want to consider increasing your charitable donation.
I mean last year I had a guy come up to me at the bus stop as I got off to get home at the high street ask me to buy him some food cause he was hungry, me having recently had a pay rise and genuinely being in a really good mood was like sure I’ll get you something there’s a chicken shop right next to us let’s go there I’ll grab you a meal.
His instant reply was no he’d rather get Mcdonalds so I was like urgh whatever fine let’s go to Mcdonalds, then it turned into I want Mcdonalds but not now please give me the cash for later.
I just said no I’ve tried to help you and just walked off, some people who genuinely need help are getting such a bad name from people like that.
There probably wasn’t any huge bullet for you to dodge, but you did the right thing regardless. It’s not worth risking your own safety, particularly when you’re gut feelings tell you something isn’t quite right.
If you still feel guilty and want to help people, make a donation to one of the many good homeless charities. £17 donated today will give someone in need a bed for the night, even if it’s not the stranger who approached you.
Unfortunately, you did what was right. You have no idea if the guy was genuine or not, and you will most likely never find out. The risk just to find out is not a good one to take.
We had someone come on the local city reddit sub about a year ago. They had the most intense sob story about lack of food and unable to resolve anything. I literally filled a bag with shopping from my cupboards at 12 midnight and asked where I could deliver it to. I got zero response from what seemed a reasonable request to help. When I looked on the sub again there were people offering to help in many forms. There was one lady who ran the local food banks made a request that all offers of help should stop. She gave out a phone number for the person to call with instructions on where to get some emergency help. It took me this long to realise that it was a scam. It was gut wrenching and took me a while to put the shopping back.
There are some people that are suffering badly in the UK atm, but there are also some shits out there who are abusing the situation. Stick to the safest option and support the local help groups over individual requests.
I skate there most weekends and theres a lot of crazies in bethnal green, i think theres a few half way homes for a psych hospital in the area. You dont know if he was actually homeless or trying to get you onto a quiet road to rob you or maybe worse. You were right not to. Dont lose sleep over it. Ive never had a homeless person ask me that in the lifetime that ive lived in the city.
I saw that there are plenty of weird people as well. How do you stay safe in the area?
Avoid eye contact. Dont use the shortcut through the green at night if you are alone. Usual London protocols 😆
Through the green? Like through parks?
You did right. Always listen to your gut. It’s your subconscious trying to communicate missed warning signs to your conscious. Recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker for lots of situations and examples.
Good to trust your gut, don’t feel bad for doing so. If you want to help people then there are much more effective ways than giving money to a person.
And… you should help other people, not least because it’s actually very good for you.
