The Sunday school teacher is out. Good thing a substitute is available: Satan! SATAN'S GUIDE TO THE BIBLE is an animated documentary. Join Satan as he shares Bible secrets, secrets the students' pastor learned at Christian seminary but is afraid to share. Thankfully, Satan's not afraid of losing his job. Satan has amassed an impressive list of biblical scholars ready to reveal the "standard stuff" taught in Christian seminaries: Bart Ehrman (UNC Chapel Hill), John J. Collins (Yale), Dale Allison (Princeton Seminary), Susan Niditch (Amherst), Ron Hendel (UC Berkeley), and Hector Avalos (Iowa State). This is established seminary curriculum about biblical history, biblical morals, authorship claims, and early Christianity — a curriculum never shared with the congregation. Darkly comedic, but thoroughly researched, SATAN'S GUIDE TO THE BIBLE is a fascinating journey into the secrets of the world's best-selling book. Directed by documentary filmmaker Zeke Piestrup (APOCALYPSE LATER: HAROLD CAMPING VS THE END OF THE WORLD) and produced by animation filmmaker Tim Johnson (ANTZ, OVER THE HEDGE, HOME) SATANSGUIDE.com **** We are currently expanding the languages available for CC. Please tithe if you're able: https://www.patreon.com/satansguide/membership **** INDEX: 00:00 SUBSTITUTE SATAN’S GOT BIBLE SECRETS 02:45 PASTORS KNOW THE BIBLE SECRETS 03:59 WHAT’S LEARNED AT SEMINARY STAYS AT SEMINARY 05:23 WHY CAN'T PASTORS JUST TELL US THE TRUTH? 06:30 I. THE BIBLE + HISTORY 06:38 THE EXODUS FROM EGYPT 08:49 ISRAELITES NEVER LIVED IN EGYPT 09:54 INERRANT MEANS WITHOUT ERROR 10:45 GOD’S GOT SCHOLARS TOO 12:40 THE PROMISE OF THE ALREADY-PROMISED PROMISED LAND 15:07 EVANGELICALS SAY CANAANITES WERE TOTALLY CRAPPY 16:16 ISRAELITES ARE CANAANITES? 17:21 EL 17:55 YES, ISRAELITES ARE CANAANITES 18:54 COMPETITIVE HISTORIOGRAPHY 19:09 THE STORY MAKES THE PEOPLE INTO THE PEOPLE 20:06 THE BELATED ISRAELITES ENTER THE WORLD STAGE 20:42 THE CRITICAL SCHOLARS ARE CHRISTIAN 22:41 WHY ARE CHRISTIANS ATTACKING THE BIBLE? 24:36 THE PROBLEM WITH BIBLICAL INERRANCY 26:50 WANNA HEAR ME SAY I NEVER KNEW YOU? 27:56 II. THE BIBLE + MORALS 28:34 HAPPY BABY SMASHING 30:52 CANAAN RECAP 31:18 JOSHUA WILL LEAVE NOTHING UNDONE 32:59 JOSHUA OBLITERATES JERICHO 34:45 KILLING KIDS IS FINE FEATURING WLC 36:41 JOSHUA SLAUGHTERS MORE CANAANITES 38:49 DID GOD REALLY SLAUGHTER THE CANAANITES? 40:42 GENOCIDE IS WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE 41:14 MORE GENOCIDE COMMANDED BY GOD 41:37 THE GOLDEN RULE 42:58 OLD TIME RELIGION RECAP 43:33 CHILD SACRIFICE IN ANCIENT ISRAEL 46:05 OLD TESTAMENT MEAN GOD VS NEW TESTAMENT LOVING GOD 47:27 SATAN’S 2 COMMANDMENTS 47:49 #1 AVALOS ADVISES EMPATHY INSTEAD OF AUTHORITY 48:08 #2 THE HUMANISTIC GOLDEN RULE 48:54 III. THE BIBLE + AUTHORSHIP 49:15 CHRISTIANS ON YOUTUBE VS BART DENTON EHRMAN 50:46 BELIEVERS & NONBELIEVERS AGREE: STANDARD STUFF 51:39 STANDARD STUFF ABOUT THE BOOK OF DANIEL 55:24 AUTHORSHIP OF SATAN’S BOOKS 55:58 BOOKS HAVE VOICES / PAULINE AUTHORSHIP 57:25 ILLITERATE FISHERMEN AUTHORS 59:18 SPEERCHULL WARFARE Y’ALL 1:03:24 IV. THE BIBLE + JESUS 1:04:04 THE CEMETERIES SAY JESUS WAS WRONG 1:04:40 FAILED END TIMES PREDICTIONS, ROLL CALL 1:05:58 SEMINARY’S BIGGEST SECRET 1:06:49 PAUL’S MISSING TOMB 1:09:03 RESURRECTION TO RESURRECTIONS / FIRSTFRUITS 1:11:03 MOM GETS LEFT BEHIND 1:13:03 BATHED & BAPTIZED IN APOCALYPTICISM 1:14:29 TWO WRONGS MAKING JESUS AN APOCALYPTICIST 1:15:25 THE BIBLE’S APOCALYPTIC JESUS 1:16:27 THE KINGDOM OF GOD ON EARTH 1:18:31 BILLIONS OF CITIES IN ISRAEL 1:19:03 NOBODY RODE A CARPET OF CLOUDS 1:19:45 THAT GENERATION DID PASS 1:22:10 JESUS’ FINAL STAND 1:24:24 IF THE GOOD BOOK IS BAD, HOW DO WE BE GOOD?