Hello dads,

I’ll be a dad myself shortly, and it’s entirely planned, we discussed the idea and then worked towards making it happen. My wife is over the moon and loving the whole process and I’m struggling to see it as a positive change. All I’m seeing is more bills and tasks.

I want to be excited and enthusiastic during the pregnancy (and of course afterwards) but I’m struggling to see this as a positive change for our next - at least - 5 years.

It’s causing some stress between my wife and I, when really I’d much prefer we were bonding now in preparation for the stress our relationship is going to need to endure after the baby arrives.

I guess this is partly just venting, I feel like anyone I know that I might say this to, would think I’m a bad person considering it was entirely planned and now I’m not feeling it after its too late to undo, but if anyone has some ideas on how I can focus more on the positives (I do see them… watching their personality growing, seeing the world from their fresh perspective, a sense of investment in the future, etc. I just struggle to focus on them) of this and less on the incoming bills and sleepless night and relationship stress, so my wife and I can bond, it’d mean a lot to me.

I’m also concerned that I’m seeing the baby as a problem instead of a… Source of joy? and that this might mean I don’t really have a natural parental instinct, so I won’t love it like I should, but instead see it as a series of chores and costs and problems.

  • philthi@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    2·
    11 days ago

    Thanks very much for the reply. My son is here now and very healthy. I wouldn’t personally say I felt anything profound the first or 50th time that I held him, but I am used to him being around now. And in general it’s all been a lot less stressful than I had expected, which is great, we’re both getting plenty of sleep so far, and he seems generally quite chilled out.

    I love him, but more in a “I am responsible for you” sort of way at the moment. I’m assuming the real deep bonded love comes later, when we can interact more meaningfully.

    I am looking forward to watching cartoons, reading books and playing games together, but obviously that all comes a lot later on.