The more I think about it, it seems that long-term happiness is something many people spend their lives seeking OR they believe it’s something they used to have and lost.
That makes me wonder if we are truly ever happy? Or if it’s something that is always just out of reach (in the future or in the past).
Let’s not aspire to happiness. Your brain is not wired to be happy all the time. Everyone will always come back down to baseline it’s programmed into our biology/psychology. Maybe it’s better to be content and accept the things you already have
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.” But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
- The Prophet, Khalil Gibran
Thanks for this. Went and read the whole thing and it’s beautiful!
This is a really cool quote, thanks for sharing it!
This is a new found perspective I’ve been trying to act on and it keeps me “happy” in the sense of being content. SSRIs helped me come out of a dark place and find that baseline and appreciate that what I have is just fine. I’ve been off them for a good 4-5 months now and have been able to keep acting on this perspective. Reducing the amount I drink and smoke has also really helped me stay at baseline. I was not consuming these things with my best interest in mind. I am better off only having these things in my home for special events.
I’ve got my little place to live, my cat, my little hobbies, and I go on my daily little walk. That’s just fine and enough to be content. I’m comfortable and don’t need much more. I don’t really need to search for bliss all the time. I’ll save that for a concert, food festival, hanging out with good friends, playing a new game, etc.
Well then is it better to say that we should redefine what happiness means? Or is it that happiness means something different to each individual? Sometimes I feel like what I define as happy is really just being content to someone else. This is more of a philosophical question, or maybe more specifically a metaphysical question. What is happiness?
I think it’s easier without drugs and alcohol enforcing a chemical come down that’s very hard to avoid.
Does lasting mean perpetual and without breaks, or does it mean a default happy state that can of course be interrupted by life events but that will naturally revert to a default state of happiness?
Happiness simply requires you to be thankful for what you have. Not just physical objects but relationships, past times, opportunities, ideas and space to be yourself.
Most of us forget how short life is.
Exactly. I’m not a psychologist or biologist but from what I read, while we are alive, our bodies tend towards homeostasis, a chemically balanced state. Simply, you cannot be in a high-dopamine “happy” state all the time without going back to a neutral or down state afterwards. Even without drugs, highs are usually followed by lows. Not trying to be happy at all times but accepting that sometimes, there are hardships, will help you having a fullfilled and content life.
Anyway, that homeostasis does not mean that everyone is equally happy/unhappy on average. On the one side there are people with depression and on the other side people whose lives have many happy moments. What helps for me is connecting with friends and family, going into nature and seeing animals, doing exercise and having off-screen time, mindfullness and generally having some work-life balance. Which I admit not everyone can afford and I am privileged to have. Doing or having those things helps me having a happier and more fullfilled life, but sometimes life still sucks, there is no happy-all-the-time.
Great comment
I’m happy. Family healthy, relationships are great. I love my job, I make good money, enjoy the work and people. I’m buying my first house soon though so perhaps may add some stress but I tend not to worry about worrying.
Sometimes I feel like a golden retriever, just happy to be around.
God bless you dude. I’m happy for you. I’ll take some happiness from your post.
Same. But it took a long time. Once I realized we humans are hardwired with social and emotional connections being primary, my life got way better. There is no comparison to feeling connected — way better than chasing prestige, status, or knowledge.
Similar position. I also realize how lucky I’ve been in life in comparison to the less fortunate.
Same, sometimes (usually while driving for some reason) I just get overwhelmed with happiness at how well my life is going. Yeah it’s not perfect, and obviously I was incredibly lucky to get where I am, but it’s more than enough for me to be truly content.
- No, you don’t get to have everlasting happiness
- Yes, people can be truly happy
There are no final states in life. There’s no “ever after”. Real-life stories do not end.
You can be truly happy, but it will end.
Remind me of a South Park end of episode moral, said by Butters this time :
Goth Kid : I guess you can join up with us if you want.
Goth Kid 2 : Yeah. We’re gonna go to the graveyard and write poems about death and how pointless life is.
Butters : Uh, uhm no thanks. I love life.
Stan : Huh? But you just got dumped.
Butters : Well yeah, and I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin’ really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I’m feelin’ is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.
Goth Kid 2 : Yeah.
Stan : No. No, Butters, that doesn’t sound stupid at all.
Butters : Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I’d rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.
We have ups and downs and we need both if we seek happiness.
Happiness is a choice. You can choose to see only the negative or choose to find joy and contentment in the little things you have and what you have accomplished.
There are people who live in poverty that have true happiness. There are people who are terminally I’ll who are truly happy.
Most importantly, it’s ok to seek help if you are unhappy. It’s much easier to be happy when you don’t try to take everything on by yourself.
In many cases, I agree, but this comment definitely isn’t true for those with mental illness etc. I would argue it’s a matter of perspective, and not all aspects of perspective can be changed on a whim.
I 100% agree with you, that’s kind of what I was getting at by suggesting to seek help
“You cannot fetch happy. Happy happens.”
-Dog of Wisdom
Life is a tragedy when looked at a whole. All is given and taken away. Appreciate the little moments you get in a day. Attempt not to let the dread of reality weigh on you too much. I don’t remember being anxious or worried before being alive so I have concluded for myself that life after death won’t exactly be worrisome either. Don’t want to die but I sure as hell don’t want to spend my life worried about death as that steals my time from me.
Well. Western culture tends to be goal focused. For starters, that could be something to ditch and focus making the journey more pleasant.
I would say having a goal to look and work towards can give meaning and thereby “content”, not sure wether it can guarantee happiness, but waiting to be happy, or allowing oneself to be happy only once you reach the goal is a problem indeed.
That can be a double edged sword.
By nature it is not “possible” it is normal. If your question is whatever is it possible for humans to be happy in a society designed to make you unhappy then the answer is by definition, no.
I can’t imagine living a life where you are always happy. Would you even understand how happy you are without the contrast of unhappiness?
Happiness or contentment? The latter is likely possible. The former? There are too many ups and downs in life, too much stress, to be happy, long-term. My mother-in-law was the closest I’ve seen, but she still had worries over the well-being of family members, the state of the world, and then cancer. She was content, certainly – mostly stemming from her religious views and love for everyone – but that’s not the same as happy.
Anecdotal, but I think true happiness comes with acceptance, self reflection, and perspective. First you need to be happy with yourself, and if you aren’t you need to work to improve yourself to a point where you are. Once you are accepting of yourself you can be happy with and for others. People need to stop comparing their lives to someone else’s. If you truly know yourself and understand what you really want from life and what is really important to you it is much easier to be happy.
I’d look into Stoocism.
Eeeehhhhh Stoicism is more about not being sad than it is about being happy.
No.
Feeling “okay” is the lasting state. You cannot feel persistent goodness without any badness to compare. Constant goodness turns to “okay”.
