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operacion_ogro [he/him]@hexbear.net to chapotraphouse@hexbear.netEnglish · 11 months ago

Exciting things are happening in the Caliphate of Deseret

ksltv.com

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Exciting things are happening in the Caliphate of Deseret

ksltv.com

operacion_ogro [he/him]@hexbear.net to chapotraphouse@hexbear.netEnglish · 11 months ago
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Armed guardians coming soon to every Utah school
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Summary: A new law requires armed guardians at every Utah school, every day. Schools are struggling to meet the requirements and to find volunteers willing to respond with lethal force.
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  • Wheaties [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    For taking on this most serious responsibility, guardians will be compensated with a one-time $500 stipend. That is what state lawmakers allocated for this position.

    …

    • LanyrdSkynrd [comrade/them, any]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      $500 for one day seems like a good deal. They can’t force you to keep showing up, right?

      • regul [any]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        The smart guys and the people this program was designed to just give taxpayer money to will 100% duck out after that check clears. The real problem is the sickos who stick around to play Fallujah against teenagers for free.

      • RyanGosling [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        The Nashville school shooting had an armed staff member, but no one knew who it was. And it was revealed that the armed staff member stayed home the day it got shot up lol

    • Frank [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      That’s not even enough for a decent gun, spare mags, and a gun belt. To say nothing of like a first aid kit and whatever other crap.

      • operacion_ogro [he/him]@hexbear.netOP
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        11 months ago

        Should be plenty as long as you buy second-hand from a private seller’s trunk in the parking lot of your closest Walmart

      • Evilsandwichman [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        To be fair it’s not often a school gets more than one shooter in its history; all the school really needs is one gun and a handful of bullets in case the first misses or doesn’t kill the child, and thankfully children die pretty easy.

        (you know I racked my brain for like five minutes and couldn’t think of a single way to say this that didn’t sound ghoulish; that last bit at the end there was just me throwing my hands up and saying ‘let’s embrace the inner ghoul’)

        • Des [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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          11 months ago

          holden-bloodfeast yesss yesss let it flow through you… yesss

        • Scarry [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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          11 months ago

          To be fair it’s not often a school gets more than one shooter in its history

          so-far

      • RyanGosling [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        Lol you know these fucking losers are gonna gucci out their deagle clones while wearing an empty plate carrier

  • came_apart_at_Kmart [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    “If you attack a school here in Utah, you’re going to be confronted,” said [Matt] Pennington. “it’s not a soft target anymore.”

    just one of those cool things people with regular brains says right before tactically deploying themselves to affect a kinetic response after a family court ruling.

    • UlyssesT@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      deleted by creator

      • came_apart_at_Kmart [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        lol, thankfully no. I’ve just heard so much of that mil-speak in media and observed it’s infiltration into business lingo that I can code switch to it at will by simply decreasing the amount of oxygen going to my brain.

        • UlyssesT@hexbear.net
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          deleted by creator

    • RyanGosling [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      Paying cops to patrol schools and stop shootings won’t work because they just hide in fhe closet. Paying Paul Blart to show up in non-standardized gear will surely save the children.

  • Frank [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Idk if there’s even anything worth saying about this, it’s so monumentally silly. Aside from making cynical jokes about how long before one of these dorks guns down a kid, this is just… joker-amerikkklap

  • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    A know a fella who would help.

  • Infamousblt [any]@hexbear.netM
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    11 months ago

    Yeah there’s no way getting a bunch of low or non paid ex soldiers to come hang out at schools with guns can possibly go wrong. I definitely can’t think of dozens of ways this is going to get people hurt or killed. Such a foolproof idea

  • asg101 [none/use name, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Just in case the “schools as delivery systems for slave plantations” (for-profit prisons) wasn’t clear enough to anyone yet.

  • Infamousblt [any]@hexbear.netM
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    Also holy shit what

    “When you envision what the school secretary looks like, do you really envision that the person is the person who would run toward an issue?” Haney said.

    What the fuck lol. The layers of fucked up in this statement is unreal. Utah delenda est

  • FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    “The good news is that we can save money on background checks! Anyone willing to volunteer for this for a one-time $500 stipend? Fails”

  • take_five_seconds [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    this shit is a volunteer position? wild.

    • VHS [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      there are going to some real unhinged far-right gun nuts champing at the bit to do this

      • UlyssesT@hexbear.net
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        8 months ago

        deleted by creator

        • Frank [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.net
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          11 months ago

          Right. The venn diagram of people in utah who have this much free time and would volunteer is actually a street plan of Dis, capital and fifth circle of hell.

  • Crikeste@lemm.ee
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    11 months ago

    Seeing my state mentioned in Chapo: 😳😳😳😳😳😳

    I’ll go ahead and put my prediction here: Somebody volunteers for access, then does a mass shooting.

    • Gay_Tomato [they/them, it/its]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      amerikkka-clap

  • RyanGosling [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    My name is Robert McDichael and I heard you were hiring for the Armed Genital Inspector position?

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