“Now you see, my boss allows the knives because he’s not a woke. The reason your office doesn’t want you to have the knives is because the knives give off natural ALPHA digital testosterone signals, especially colloidal silver knives made from gold. These ALPHA signals interrupt the 5G signal in the office chairs at your work. The chairs use the 5G to send wireless vaccines directly into your genitals and that can make you all trans DEI CRTS! This is why my boss, who’s also the local county republican chapter president, has to hand inspect all of our genitals (and out children’s) when we enter or leave the office each day. To make sure that rogue signals didn’t get us. Careful out there snowflake.”