This is depression, alcoholism; it’s getting pretty late-stage. All of this is wrong, and everything I’ve gone through insists they’re fucking Reifenstahl.

Yes, I have mentioned her twice this week. It’s because it’s germane. I’m using that word a lot more, too. It holds a certain connotation.

But that aside, I do not want 988. I want a solution, not some attempt to make me believe rich people shall be my saviors.

  • kruffa@beehaw.orgEnglish
    7·
    26 days ago

    Well, I’d say that “not this” is quite useful and also hopeful.

    From personal experience I think the biggest holes I’ve climbed out of didn’t even give that much direction. Knowing and/or wanting anything (even if it’s “not this”) is a decent start.

    If you keep trying to find ways to express yourself I think that you can slowly start to raise the floor of whatever hole you’re in.

      • kruffa@beehaw.orgEnglish
        3·
        25 days ago

        Since you have a good sense of “not this” I’m inclined to throw some shit at you and maybe something might stick and work out well to function as a a rebar net to get that concrete floor started so you don’t have to start all the way down every fucking time.

        Before I do though I wonder if you’d like to get a small list of stuffs to check out? <– this is the actual question!

          • kruffa@beehaw.orgEnglish
            3·
            24 days ago

            So, here we go…

            My short list of things that seem to have turned things around for me:

            • Finding 1 thing to have as a foundation for every day. 1 habit to get going. For me it works like a very basic routine (that I can anchor other stuff on) and also thermometer for how I’m doing. Somehow I decided to teach myself to make my bed every day. Roughly 6 years in I still have to think about doing it almost every time. And if I realise around noon that I haven’t made my bed it makes me realise that I’m having, at least, a bad day!
            • Caring for something that is alive. I stumbled onto a cheatcode: I became a parent. But what really made the biggest difference was being able to keep houseplants alive! A child is somehow too obvious. I guess pets fill the same place. Or a neighbour that needs stuff from the store, whatever, just something that is alive that you care for in some way.
            • This self-compassion workbook is what finally tipped the scale for me. While it seems to be easy for me to fall into depression at any point in my life, being aware of the idea of self-compassion makes it solo much easier to climb out.
            • Going and moving around outside as often as possible. Walking, biking, swimming, skipping.
            • Intermittent fasting has helped me a lot (I do the “easiest” 16/8), not to loose weight or whatever health benefits people ascribe to it, but to notice time and to make it harder to keep my food addictions going as hard (like stuffing myself at night after a whole day of not being able to get up from the sofa to eat).

            And by “turned things around” I mean that I’ve managed to raise the floor of my personal hole enough so that my every day life actually kind of works. My economy is not wrecked. I have friends that call/text me to socialise and not only to keep tabs on me or check that I’m still around. I’m making plans for the future-future (so like 1-3 years not only for today or this week), stuff like that.

            I’m not “cured”, I still get depressed for months some times, but it’s months and not years. And I let myself be depressed, for whatever reason there is this time, rather than bash myself for being depressed.

            Sorry, this turned out more bloggy and preachy than intended. I hope you find something useful anyway :)

              • kruffa@beehaw.orgEnglish
                1·
                3 days ago

                Hello,

                Since I decided to get involved in your life I would like to ask how you’re doing and if there is anything related to this topic you’d like to continue talking about (either here or in private - I assume there are some kind of PMs on beehaw).