Of course, these spaces are only meant for adults. They’ll say as much, and they’ll drop the hammer on anyone who admits to being underage. But the key word there is “admits.” It’s trivially easy for a kid to lie about their age to get into such places - and even if they require some form of verification (such as a scan of an ID), it’s not much less trivial for a kid to use a fake ID, someone else’s ID, or a photoshop of their own ID. And they’re going to do it in huge numbers, because teens are horny and impulsive and don’t know what they’re getting into. There is no way to keep them out that is absolutely guaranteed to work in all circumstances - at least, not one that I can think of.
And now these kids are in an NSFW space, interacting with grown adults in a sexual context. Even if no one knows they’re a kid, even if no one deliberately targets them, the adults in those spaces are having inappropriate sexual interactions with the kids by being in conversations with them about things like kinks, porn preferences, &c. that adults should not be talking with kids about - and thus those adults become complicit in something terrible without realizing it or intending to.
It’s the anonymous and depersonalized nature of these online spaces in particular that makes this such a problem, which sucks, because there are many people who have a legitimate need for such spaces - LGBT people in reactionary environments, people with embarrassing but harmless kinks who might face ostracism or loss of their jobs if those around them found out, etc. But the anonymous nature that offers so many benefits is inextricable from its inherent awful risk to children.
I’m not really sure where I was going with this. It just sucks and it’s a bad situation and I wondered if anyone else had thoughts to share.
CW: Hey its me I (was) kid in the post
It was the same thing for me with omegle/chat roulette. I was 13 or 14 interacting with people twice my age sometimes. It wasn’t until several months ago (late 20s) that I realized how fucked up it was. Especially considering they knew my age.
After a while I decided normal porn was much more efficient and went back to that. These minor/adult interactions didn’t seem meaningful to me at the time. However, I was highly suggestible and had little, if any, capacity for meaningful introspection back then. I don’t know if it gave me any trauma, but I know I was unable to consent. It makes me feel deep unease to remember this, I might be disassociating a bit, I can’t tell. I have no idea how I’d go about understanding if/how this affected me and my sexual development back then.
CW: more detail, and an epiphany
Actually, I’m quite certain that experiencing video sex with adult strangers before gentle intimacy with peers did fuck me up. I’ve still never been held or anything. Maybe this is part of why it’s so hard for me to create real intimacy with people I’m attracted to. Sexual intimacy doesn’t make me feel vulnerable at all, while non-sexual intimacy with someone I’m attracted to is terrifying. Maybe this is why I get so nervous when I try to connect with people I’m attracted to. I think I haven’t taken that nervousness seriously enough until now.
It sorta makes sense now why everyone thinks I’m about to pounce on them and always waits for me to initiate everything. Why people basically see horny as one of my personality traits. I’m only capable of embodying one kind of desire, and people interpret that as conscious when it’s not.
Well, I might cry later but thats ok. Thanks for making this post and showing concern to people like me.
Edit: lmao I’m nauseas now
I was a really young nerdy kid, and coming from the Soviet Union like the only thing I cared about was computer. I was obsessed with computer since playing Doom as a kid in a cyber cafe. I got my first computer at the age of 8-9 after we had immigrated. I was about 10 years old when I was trolling AOL chat rooms by myself… and I had a lovely 640x480 web cam… and yeah. A lot of this brings up uneasy memories.
I think the horny categorization does fit me. I’m not like a gooner or anything but my partner would agree 100% with the statement: “thinks I’m about to pounce on them and always waits for me to initiate everything. Why people basically see horny as one of my personality traits.”
I don’t experience issues with non-sexual intimacy, but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone!
Thanks for sharing. Realizing this in itself indicates that you are your path to recovery.
Sorting this might be too much to do by yourself and good therapy from someone who understands can lighten your load. So, don’t hesitate to get professional help.
Please take rest and try to relax for now. No need to reply.