Maybe it’s because a lot of them are girls, but they’re like this with guys too. They are very touchy with each other, but it seems awkward if it’s with me.

I’ve asked for permission and they said they don’t like physical contact, so I obviously don’t.

My friends overall seem closer with each other than with me, but I just find it kind of interesting that they make physical contact a lot but not with me (ex: hugging, holding hands, grabbing arm, etc.)

If someone could help me out, that’d be greatly appreciated! I’m not trying to judge, I genuinely don’t understand, which is why I’m asking here. I do understand some cases such as: “Sorry, I only really allow my boyfriend to do that stuff with me”.

  • Jo Miran@lemmy.mlEnglish
    4·
    23 hours ago

    Obviously you cannot force or expect anyone to be comfortable with what they are not comfortable with. That’s their comfort zone, and it is valid. That said, I know what that feels like, and it sucks.

    I am an older bi man that’s been out to most people since the 1980s. Reaction from straight guys was very binary. Either they didn’t care, or they avoided me altogether. Cut and dry. Girls was a completely different thing. With one or two exceptions, they never really threw hate my way but almost all of them treated me like “other”. Even those that were friendly never hugged me, etc. Most of the ones that did touch me just wanted to have sex. Now that I am older I know that is called fetishising. Still, no hugs, etc.

    Many people need things to be cut and dry in order to be able to let their guard down. I don’t know if it is the same for you but, I found myself being shunned in varying degrees by both genders, including homosexuals and heterosexuals. Eventually I understood that I could not change how people felt so I focused on people that were fine with who I was and let go of those that were not fully OK with me. No hard feelings.

    Your friends probably like you well enough, they just can’t get past some things. That is their problem, let them sort it out. In the meantime, get yourself a crew that is ok treating you like they treat everyone else.

    My 2¢

      • sabreW4K3@lazysoci.alEnglish
        2·
        23 hours ago

        It could just be that your friends are uncomfortable as a matter of ignorance. Have you explained to them what it means and how it works to be around you?

        • voytek709@lemmy.caOPEnglish
          2·
          23 hours ago

          I think they know, they’re just weird with the physical touch thing. Maybe it’s a matter of being closer with these people/them being regularly touchy but me, not

          • sabreW4K3@lazysoci.alEnglish
            2·
            12 hours ago

            The way I read it, they’re tactile with everyone except you. If that is the case, maybe these aren’t your forever people.

            • voytek709@lemmy.caOPEnglish
              1·
              10 hours ago

              Thanks so much!! I think it’s because I’m neurodivergent, but I can’t say for sure