I miss those magazines. I love absurdity, and I’d beg my mom to buy them for me. She wouldn’t and said they were trash, and not real.
I know. Thats why I want them. I don’t want real news. I never asked her to buy a newspaper. I want to read how Bigfoot was caught bathing in a bird bath in northern Canada. Yes, I was 7, and knew the difference between this and reality. But I love absurd fake shit.
I spent the 90s watching pro wrestling where an undead wizard faught his own long lost brother, who was thought to be dead decades ago after the undead wizard burned his whole family alive inside the family owned funeral home. Turns out his brother was kept locked in a basement to hide his scars, and now wears a mask to hide his disfigured face. And somehow, because he was burned alive as a child, he now is able to summon fire, which is just as plausible as his brother being able to summon lightning.
I know most of you don’t watch pro wrestling. I get that it’s not for everyone. BUT! After reading that summery of an actual decades long storyline, if you EVER ask a fan of pro wrestling if they know it’s “fake”, you’re even dumber than you think we are.
Point is, I love these magazines, but at some point they gave up. They couldn’t be more absurd than real life.
I understand the appreciation of the…“theatre” of wrestling, but I can’t get past how much it destroys their bodies. I don’t watch football either. I could watch fiction about both.
That’s fair. Rowdy Roddy Piper did an interview in the late 90s where he talked about how in the 80s Jesse Ventura tried to organize a union, but it failed to materialize. He then said he has no medical coverage, no retirement fund, nothing. When the interviewer asked why he didn’t self fund a retirement fund, Piper said “Look at me. I’m a broken down old man. Do you really think I’m going to make it 65, when they’d allow me to cash out a policy like that? I don’t. I’ll be dead before I reach 65, and not by my own choice with what I’ve done to my body.”
And he was right. He died at age 63.
If you try to watch any wrestling program from the 1980s, every wrestling fan inevitably plays the saddest game ever. It’s called “How many of the people on this show are still alive?” And the answer ALWAYS vastly is outweighed by the ones who have died. There is a scary amount of wrestlers who die before age 40. It surpasses football, basketball, hockey, soccer, baseball, and rugby COMBINED by a very large margin.
So I absolutely get your point. Personally I cannot watch any match with Chris Beniot. Every match he does a flying headbutt. He gets on the top turnbuckle, which means his feet are 6 feet off the ground. His head is around 10 feet off the ground, and then he dives forward, with his face being the first thing that connects with his opponents head, and Beniot actually did that shit legit. He had a concussion every single night of his life for over 15 years.
And people want to say that he was in control of himself when he did those murders. He had the brain consistency of a 93 year old woman with dementia. Thats not me being outlandish. Those are the medical reports. So every time I see him doing the flying headbutt, I think “That right there is 0.02% of what contributed to the murders.” And I can no longer watch his matches.
How Ric Flair is still alive, I’ll never know. He may actually be living proof that the devil not only exists, but also grants deals with the devil.
I miss those magazines. I love absurdity, and I’d beg my mom to buy them for me. She wouldn’t and said they were trash, and not real.
I know. Thats why I want them. I don’t want real news. I never asked her to buy a newspaper. I want to read how Bigfoot was caught bathing in a bird bath in northern Canada. Yes, I was 7, and knew the difference between this and reality. But I love absurd fake shit.
I spent the 90s watching pro wrestling where an undead wizard faught his own long lost brother, who was thought to be dead decades ago after the undead wizard burned his whole family alive inside the family owned funeral home. Turns out his brother was kept locked in a basement to hide his scars, and now wears a mask to hide his disfigured face. And somehow, because he was burned alive as a child, he now is able to summon fire, which is just as plausible as his brother being able to summon lightning.
I know most of you don’t watch pro wrestling. I get that it’s not for everyone. BUT! After reading that summery of an actual decades long storyline, if you EVER ask a fan of pro wrestling if they know it’s “fake”, you’re even dumber than you think we are.
Point is, I love these magazines, but at some point they gave up. They couldn’t be more absurd than real life.
Absurdity is dead.
I understand the appreciation of the…“theatre” of wrestling, but I can’t get past how much it destroys their bodies. I don’t watch football either. I could watch fiction about both.
That’s fair. Rowdy Roddy Piper did an interview in the late 90s where he talked about how in the 80s Jesse Ventura tried to organize a union, but it failed to materialize. He then said he has no medical coverage, no retirement fund, nothing. When the interviewer asked why he didn’t self fund a retirement fund, Piper said “Look at me. I’m a broken down old man. Do you really think I’m going to make it 65, when they’d allow me to cash out a policy like that? I don’t. I’ll be dead before I reach 65, and not by my own choice with what I’ve done to my body.”
And he was right. He died at age 63.
If you try to watch any wrestling program from the 1980s, every wrestling fan inevitably plays the saddest game ever. It’s called “How many of the people on this show are still alive?” And the answer ALWAYS vastly is outweighed by the ones who have died. There is a scary amount of wrestlers who die before age 40. It surpasses football, basketball, hockey, soccer, baseball, and rugby COMBINED by a very large margin.
So I absolutely get your point. Personally I cannot watch any match with Chris Beniot. Every match he does a flying headbutt. He gets on the top turnbuckle, which means his feet are 6 feet off the ground. His head is around 10 feet off the ground, and then he dives forward, with his face being the first thing that connects with his opponents head, and Beniot actually did that shit legit. He had a concussion every single night of his life for over 15 years.
And people want to say that he was in control of himself when he did those murders. He had the brain consistency of a 93 year old woman with dementia. Thats not me being outlandish. Those are the medical reports. So every time I see him doing the flying headbutt, I think “That right there is 0.02% of what contributed to the murders.” And I can no longer watch his matches.
How Ric Flair is still alive, I’ll never know. He may actually be living proof that the devil not only exists, but also grants deals with the devil.