To be fair I still do these things but only when I’m alone.
Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.
Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb.
Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.
I do whatever the fuck I want, unless it is unpolite or could hurt somebody’s freedom.
I learnt that, as I don’t give a shit about what people are doing, they must also don’t give a shit either. People just care about themselves most of the time. The day I realized that, I had a strong freedom feeling.
Having kids multiplied this attitude by 1000 and actually, I see people smiling and interacting with us while we’re fooling around.
GO PLAY WITH FUCKING PUDDLES WEARING PINK PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD MY DUDE ! I might join you.
Ideally yes. But as a guy I have been insulted in public for small things like wearing nail polish, and that’s in a liberal German city. Most people don’t care, some don’t like it, some compliment it and some make me feel unsafe.
And that of course has an effect in other areas too: what if my boss or my coworkers don’t like me wearing nail polish? They would never be open about it (our company would not allow it), but it might lead to some bias against me. And as they wouldn’t be open about it, I couldn’t react to it (by calling them out or changing jobs). Instead I might just advance more slowly and wonder why that is. It really fucks with your mind, when you know there is bias against you (or something you do) but you never know in which situations it actually comes into play.
I still wear nail polish most of the time, because fuck the haters and we need to make progress somehow, but it’s not as easy as “I don’t care about them so they don’t care about me”.
I got you. Of course it’s easier said than done. But you got to be nuanced and able to read the room. Maybe think ahead to avoid being in trouble (work, edgy neighborhoods).
But in the end, you must not care. Even insults. Insults have the value only you give to them.
Take care ♥️
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Because when I do what I want, I get called a “retard” or asked “what the fuck are you doing?” by the people around me. I make a point to try to do things quietly (stopping to observe a cool bug, making chalk drawings on the sidewalk, saying “wheee!” on the swings, etc.), but it really doesn’t matter.
I’ve caught glimpses of people filming me before, so I now only do what I want in privacy.
Also doesn’t help that I’ve been accused of “doing it for attention.” Nah, my dude, pretty sure I’m just fckin’ autistic.
I only want people to leave me alone now. I don’t like having to justify my actions when I’m just trying to enjoy myself.
People who love you should be happy that something’s bringing you joy.
I would gently suggest surrounding yourself with kinder people. You should be able to stop and look at an insect in fascination or swing on a swing without being abused.
You’ll find those people :)
Thank you. Maybe one day.
I mean, they mentioned people filming them. I don’t know if they can surround themselves with kinder people to avoid that situation. That sounds like a general public issue if people are just filming someone like that.
Think of those shitty videos you see people upload. Like that lady on the airplane who was having a fucking mental breakdown. And people were just filming it for their own amusement.
hate to say it but people in general really do suck.
I hate this so much. People should be free to act like they want (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone), because why the hell not? What’s so objectively better about acting in the ‘normal’ way? But everything outside the very narrow idea of normal is treated like a problem by default.
I have some tics that come out when I’m alone that I’ve filtered out around others as long as I can remember, and honestly I think that’s part of why I feel so claustrophobic in social situations. I don’t even know how to act like ‘myself’ in public if I want to.
Seeing people being themselves regardless of how it looks to the current typical sensibilities is the only thing that lets me feel like I might be able to do the same. So fwiw, every little bit of rule breaking you have done or will do makes the world a little better for me, and anyone else who doesn’t feel welcome. Thanks.
The difference between weird reactions and no reaction when observing cool bugs is holding a camera
I’ve always been such a child at heart and my soul is bursting with whimsical energy when I see kids playing pretend at the playground next to where I walk my dogs. I’d love to play pretend with them, encourage the children to really let their imaginations run wild and free. I was often lost in my own world as child. I know what it’s like to be so consumed by it. I want to fight the robot king, too!
I’m an adult male however. I would definitely look like a child predator, so I must go on my way.
To all of you guys who enjoy playing pretend, I want to suggest to try playing improv theater. There are often beginner courses and its a kind of slightly guided cooperative make believe. My personal recommendation: try long form Impro and not just short form (which I learned to be the goofier of the two). For me it was very freeing to find an outlet for this stuff where it’s suddenly even cool.
Join a local theatre group
maybe look into LARPing too.
In my past I used to take on janitorial or maintenance jobs, but the grossness of the job combined with the attitude of the general public just made it unbearable. People would ask me if I was a citizen and when I said yes, they’d tell me that it’s a job for immigrants. They’d also say that it’s a job for slaves and ask if I felt like a slave doing that kind of work.
Some people are so horrible…
Go get a job pumping septic tanks. Customer disrespects you? Walk off the job leaving them with backed up poo. Generally people are glad to see you. Good money if you can get to the point of running your own truck. Some dudes making good money posting about septic pumping on YouTube too. Get out the auger and whip up a poop smoothie. Mmmm! Smells like money!
Holy shit. Those are horrible people.
Shitty people, amirite.
Sorry, I really couldn’t stop myself.
I used to do Janitorial work, And I got respect for it.
And you deserve respect for it to.
because decent people understand you are the fulcrum upon which their nice world balances on.
People like you deal with have less value than the effluence from an overflowing toilet.
Sorry you deal with such shitty people man.
Wow! That is surprising to hear.
Wear a mask wherever I go. Not so much because for health reasons, but because I like to hide my face. I feel more comfortable that way, but at the same time people stare at you like you’re some kind of terrorist.
I prefer to wear scarves or other items that hide my face below my eyes.Sounds like you’re still a kid at heart. I’ve got a 2yr old and I immensely enjoy playing these sorts of games with him. My wife always jokes that I’m using the sandbox more than him, she even snapped a couple of pics of me playing alone in there.
What kind of clothes are you talking about? A skirt on a man is still pretty courageous, but if you’re talking about a pink shirt just go for it. You’ll not be judged.
What kind of clothes are you talking about?
Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …
I’m perfectly aware that it’s not that others care that’s holding me back but the fact that I care. Doesn’t make it any easier though.
Ayy, speedos gang! May others avert their eyes if they can’t handle me and all my sexiness, and may the rest of you, girls or guys, enjoy the eye candy.
Regarding the original question, while I’m already running around in speedos, I absolutely wouldn’t mind some more colorful clothes, or perhaps some final fantasy/guild wars inspired clothing. Like those outer coats that go all the way to your shoes, but with decorations and stuff. But I feel that the included judging is a commitment I’m not ready for yet.
Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …
There’s quite a few guys who dress like this where I live and I find they are often not single.
not much these days. ever since I realised people will judge you even if you don’t do anything. e.g. I used to be shy because i was worried about what they’d think of me when i spoke. this caused them to think I’m shy. so I made a decision that I’d rather have people judge me for who I am rather than for someone I’m not.
Breaking my very long period of unplanned celibacy.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
You’d be surprised how many people are totally willing to work with you on something like that.
Not at my age.
are you really old or really young? Either way, I know I was always willing to work with whoever I was seeing even if they couldn’t perform like they want to.
That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.
If she’d done what you do — acknowledge and help tackle the problem — it could have been awesome. But she just refused to acknowledge anything was wrong.
Your approach says “You’re not there but you can get there”.
Her approach said “You’re hopeless”.
Before that relationship my confidence was fine and I was fine too. It really did a number on my head to have her lie to me about something so important.
That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.
That’s terrible and I know what you mean. I have had two different guys cheat on me cause they never really liked me to begin with.
And yeah, its so hard to trust anyone now because so many people come off as liars. Especially after being lied to about something so personal.
One little bit at a time. Godspeed in healing your trust!
thanks!
Hookers and blow
Wear a fanny pack/carry a non-backpack bag as a man.
It’s so convenient to have a bag full of stuff on you. Like I’m out and have a headache, boom Aspirin. At dinner and got some food in your teeth, bam flosser. It’s very satisfying when a situation comes up and you have the exact thing to solve a problem right there in your bag. But a backpack is too big and bulky and anything smaller becomes a purse and this looks down upon for a man to carry.
I only get the courage to wear it when on a trip where I can overly justify it. Like hiking, or a theme park or convention. I feel like if it was an everyday thing I’d have to explain it or hear about it more than I’d want to.
I see more and more men wearing fanny-pack-like crossbody bags where I am (Holland). Hopefully it will start catching on in your area!
I’m in Portland, OR and I see them a ton!
If you can pull it off, even a dress can be manly
I honestly never realized how much of af my stepdad did not give until much later. As a diabetic he would wear a fanny pack with his insulin, needless, and extra sugar drop candy in case his sugars dropped. This was before pumps were a thing. He would also wear bike shorts, slip on shoes with socks, a regular white t-shirt and a flannel as an outfit with the fanny pack. Oh and also transition lenses. The thing about the bike shorts is that his legs look like an eldritch horror because diabetics don’t heal very quickly when they get a scrape or cut. He also kind of looks like Dale from King of the hill.
I’m sure the picture I’m creating in my head is way more majestic than the reality was, but It’s beautiful. Sounds like after the fanny pack and socks he just said fuck it and leaned into it hard.
Get a cross body sling, One of those travel digital nomad things. The brand ones aren’t cheap but it’s like somewhat fashionable. Maybe that could work?
I’ve been into BDSM stuff since I was a kid basically, but I’ve always been to embarrassed to tell anyone or act on it because it’s some seriously kinky shit.
Local bdsm club
I’m so scared to be seen, that I can’t even go for a walk. I also want to get skateboard, but I can’t for the same reason. I’m terrified to be seen alone, or just seen in general.
Yet despite this, somehow I’m the opposite of that and manage a bunch of girls with compete confidence when I’m at work. I also have to deal with a ton of customers and don’t even hesitate to say no or let them have negative judgement to me. I’m very socially competent and meet new people all the time without fear of rejection and opening up. I definitely stand out, in a good way.
Yet I’m scared of them simply watching me going for a walk outside??
Interesting. I’m not scared of being seen but I like to not be seen. I spend a lot of time in nature and I always wear only earth tones. I like it when other people pass me up close but fail to notice me. I wonder if it has something to do with my voyeuristic tendencies. I love to just sit in a cafe to and watch people passing by.
I’d seek help, don’t want to tell people what’s normal and what’s not, but that’s definitely a slight deviation from the norm and it’s not helpful to you
That’s what it’s like to have GAD
Or being traumatized from being autistic and getting side eyes, snickers, giggles, eye rolls, scoffs, and bullying whenever you committed some social faux pas.
I remember I couldn’t even use earphones on the street or on school because I thought people were going to look at me more, even thought everybody uses them
Personally, I’d love to give streaming a go, the Twitch kind. I like playing games and I want to share my time with others, but social anxieties say otherwise
I used to stream a bit back in the justin.tv days and I would usually only get a handful of viewers but even to this day, it was some of the most unique gaming experiences I had. I used to try and play games that no one was streaming/talking about and a couple of times I actually ended up with the devs watching the stream and those were such great memories.
One time, I played this flash game where you had timed “lives” and the dev was watching (without me knowing) when I ran out of lives. I mentioned I’d be going to play something else while I waited for my lives to come back and he sent me a DM telling me that he would go and remove the timer so I could keep playing if I wanted.
That being said, I haven’t streamed since then and I’m honestly not even sure how I’d start again. I don’t think I’d ever enjoy having a large audience but I definitely enjoyed playing with a few people helping out on what to do next.
As a pretty much nobody streamer man on twitch, not even affiliate yet (I’m so close yet so far), I also struggle with social anxiety but find that streaming has been pretty easy for me. It’s different than actually having to interact with people face to face, so it feels more like talking on a thread than irl interaction.
Of course that’s just my experience and my anxieties may be on a much lower level than yours, but I recommend giving it a go if you think you’d have fun with it!
There’s loads of little daft hobbies I either don’t do at all or hide. I went magnet fishing with a friend once, we found some cool jewellery that I still have and it was fun, so I went home and bought my own kit, I’ve never been though cause I don’t want to be that person doing it alone, or to actually ask anyone to come. Just lives in a box.
Practicing DJing. Neither my wife nor daughter are into their quality house music (neither am I, they would argue… 😀) and we have elderly neighbours, so I find it hard to find time to make a real effort to practice, and get self-conscious and disheartened pretty quickly.
My setup is in our living room area, so it’s not very convenient when people are doing just about anything downstairs. Would love to have a bit more space to make mistakes and make a noise without it bothering others.
I’d still be crap at it right enough… ;-)
I’d still be crap at it right enough… ;-)
But wouldn’t it be soooo fun?
Oh, most definitely! :-)
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Do what’s best for you.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to transition.But the people who really care about you will accept you either way.
You are worthy of love.
I see you, you are valid and you are worth it <3
I sympathize with that. I work with two ftm trans and even though they pass pretty well you just know not everyone is going to let that go and they probably have to deal with people giving them weird looks, or even obviously looking for too long trying to guess at what gender they are.
And even when you have friends that understand and love you people can misgender accidentally by no malicious fault of their own, and even apologizing and working on that doesn’t make it any less awkward and a call to attention. It’s an every day difficulty in a lot of ways, especially in public.
