Soooo after a month of trying, I have given up trying to get my 7900xtx setup back from my ex.
I have been grinding at work using a ryzen 5500U handheld with a smashed display and a usb-c dock as my stopgap system.
This is what I have settled on as the replacement:
https://pcpartpicker.com/list/GGrhwY
My primary usecase is g*ming, although my most played titles are HEAVILY cpu bound to the point that an Arc B580 would do in the counterfactual world where Intel did not operate factories on destroyed Palestinian villages.
The 9070xt is a gambit that ML hype keeps prices inflated through the launch of UDNA in 3 years.
DisplayPort daisy chaining would require the monitor to support it, which as these only have one DisplayPort I’m pretty sure they do not. There would likely also be bandwidth restrictions. It also looks like they only support 240hz@1080p over HDMI vs the 250hz the DP supports, minor but could be an issue if you’re trying to do 5760x1080. Sapphire does have a good reputation though, I’d definitely use them if they did Nvidia (or AMD decided to make high end GPUs again).
Edit: It looks like you could get a daisychain adapter but that’d be another thing to fail and more money to spend when you could just avoid the issue.