I have ADHD and was diagnosed as an adult. Even when I’m caught up on meds and everything I’m having a severe mental block when it comes to playing with dolls and action figures and similar toys.
My kid is just barely 4 and loves playing with toys now more than they ever have before. I feel like such a shit dad because it’s so hard for me to give the scene my undivided attention and I clearly don’t play for long enough intervals to satisfy them.
Any tips? They’re an only child and i try to deflect and go outside or suggest books or arts and crafts but once again that makes me feel like I’m telling them what to play instead of playing with them.
I am looking for advice however i will say now that just powering through and playing with the dang toys works sometimes but not nearly as often as I’d like
Ask open ended questions. “What do you think they’ll do next?”
It never hurts to fall back to the old improv trope of “yes anding” where anything your child does with the toys, you further by adding to it or reinforcing what they’re already doing.
If you have any memories of playing as a child, you can rely on that to help inform your current opportunity to play. When I was young, Hot Wheels tracks were multi-purpose. It’s a sword. Made into a circle, it’s a magic portal. Often as adults we don’t engage with our imagination in the same ways that we did so effortlessly when we were young. If you feel silly, you’re doing it right.
When my kids were around this age, I loved to give the toys unique voices. British accents. Low deep voices. Slow voices. Fast voices. Robot voices.
At 4, their building capabilities aren’t the greatest, but you can help in that arena by creating landscapes of blocks for their toys to navigate. Towers, bridges, streets, hills, pyramids, mountains.
If a toy/character can fly… guess who has the strength to pick up a four year old holding a “flying” toy to add the simulated sensation of flight to their imaginative play…
Let me reinforce that you don’t have to be good at this. You’re wanting to be there. You’ve reached out for help and you clearly want to give your child the best. That means you’re doing better than most. You are a great parent. Your talents and abilities will influence and provide for your kiddo’s wellbeing in a myriad of ways over their lifetime. You’ve got this.
Hey thanks I really appreciate the confidence boost at the end there. I do lots of voices when i read to them I should try that for sure.
my girl is almost 4 and loves play-doh and drawing. More often than not I can give her some crayons and paper/coloring book and she’ll be fine playing by herself, and if she wants me to help she will direct me to specific pieces of the coloring book. “you do this, I do this”. Makes it a lot easier to play when she’s telling me exactly what to do.
damn i remember you posting about being a new parent and now she’s already 4, time really do keep on slippin, slippin, slippin, into the future
Its so true. Now that my kid is in school (which I work at) everyone says thr same thing. Its hard to believe how much of a little person she’s becoming. Time fucking flys.
My one very much likes to play with me and I love playing and going outside and drawing and play doh but something about playing with toys and roleplaying as they toy saps my energy and makes me feel so bad about it.
“okay little one, you play the doctor and I’ll pretend to be in a coma”
Is there something specific distracting you/pulling you away? Are you looking at your phone or something?
No, it’s the executive dysfunction machine has decided we don’t want to do it. Very frustrating.
To be clear, I’m asking as a fellow ADHD-having parent of a toddler. What do you go do instead?
I end up suggesting we go outside or do something else until he relents. I really hate just leaving him to play on his own
Have you ever played dungeons and dragons?
Dungeon master for a 2 year strong weekly campaign
You have to bust those skills out at playtime, my guy! That’s precisely the kind of muscle you have been building! Just pretend you have dice. If you reframe this playtime as adventure time in the Dungeon and Dragons sense, couldn’t that break you out of this funk?
Recreate the October revolution each time you must imagine a scenario
My kid keeps saying we can’t execute the romanovs because it makes us just as bad as they are and it’s like bro, you’re 4, you can understand this. think about it for a second
Someone clearly needs to read some theory. Maybe time to switch up the bedtime stories?
Well. Now I want to go get my old Pooh figures out of my closet, and play with my toys for the rest of the afternoon. Thanks, comrade.
Not a parent either but I played with my younger siblings as a child so I remember what I did. You could try making a simple storyline with heroes and villains and act it out with your kid using the figures (if you don’t remember how, tap into the kids’ shows you liked as a child yourself). Just go ham acting the various characters (your kid will be one of the good guys probably), you might start enjoying it yourself
I don’t have kids or know how to talk to kids or play with toys and whatnot but I would suggest trying to learn from what your kid does, like see what they enjoy doing with the toys and just do more of that
And don’t feel like a terrible parent for not engaging your kid the right way. As long as you’re being kind and you’re paying attention to them you’re a good parent. They’ll remember having fun with you, not the specific shit you play
What kind of toys are we talking about here? We have a number of dress up “toys” that let the kids pretend to be doctors or construction workers or cashiers, and those are a lot of fun. They drive the play by being a doctor and you just pretend they’re your doctor.
When in doubt just pretend to be Italian American and put on a funny long island accents. Works every time.
