Kim who? Ah, right … famous for being famous. I don’t miss that ex.

I did not know it was still possible to make television this bad. I assumed that there was some sort of baseline, some inescapable bedrock knowledge of how to do it that now prevents any entry into the art form from falling below a certain standard. But I was wrong. The new series from Ryan Murphy, All’s Fair – starring Kim Kardashian, Naomi Watts and Niecy Nash as the founders of an all-female law firm delivering divorce-y justice to incredibly rich but slightly unlucky women under the azure skies of California – is terrible. Fascinatingly, incomprehensibly, existentially terrible. While I try to get my thoughts in order after bearing witness to the first episode, I’m going to give you a few direct quotes, so you can see why I’m struggling.

“Let’s put the ‘team’ in ‘teamwork’.”

“My flight was turbulent and so is my mood,” says Liberty (Watts) to a man barring her way to a client.

“He’s wolf-like in his possessiveness,” says a client of her husband.

It’s so awful, it feels almost contemptuous.