i remember one time, like within a week after a break up, my ex was with someone new and posting those couples-y photos on socials. and like, what was noteworthy was that the guy looked a lot like me. like enough to where it was pointed out to me by a friend of mine, since i was purposely staying away from social media by that point.

it kinda snapped me out of my head about it and gave me the perspective that sometimes relationships fall apart because one of the parties has a very specific partner they are looking for, and in this case i was just the latest candidate who fell short of someone else’s life plan. in that way, it was not really about me.

as far as coping goes, i look for/investigate the things in life that i enjoy and put effort into pursuing them. when i was younger, i didn’t do that. i pursued absolution through relationships, preferring to only see myself through a partner’s eyes, so i always had this sensation like part of me was missing if i wasn’t with or courting someone.

it took some doing to unpack that and pay more attention / invest in myself, but it’s been worth it. i look back on some of those early relationships and now i’m grateful they didn’t pan out.