this really sucks. she’s with someone else and says that maybe one day we can try again but not now. i’m in pieces trying to move on. i really thought things were going better than for a long time between us, but…
i am afraid that i’ll never find someone i connect with as deeply as her. she was my first and only love and i’m truly heartbroken. will it ever be ok again? does anyone know any good coping strategies or ways to deal with this?
Sorry comrade, the pain is real.
Statistics: most people do recover from something like this. Here’s hoping you’re in that category.
Coping: Distraction is good. Community is good – friends, family, spend time with them doing something other than talking about your ex.
Also unless you two were poly and that “soemone else” she’s with was her other partner, humongous
on her being with someone else already. Says a lot about her.
We opened the relationship briefly shortly before this happened but she lied to me about what was going on at every step with this person when the one thing that I had asked was to be open about what we’re up to. That’s what broke things up in the first place. Not quite as bad as straight up cheating, but a massive breach of trust nonetheless.
Im going through a very similar situation rn. We had a relationship of almost 4 years, we opened up after a bit of a crisis. She got together with another guy in parallel. After some toxicity thrown around both ways i broke up, we got back, now we agreed to just be friends and not promise anything to eachother to avoid frustrations as we are tired of the other not keeping promises. But somehow this lightened up the relation and we still get together, we just try to not expect anything from the other. I have no idea how you relationship was, to give advices. But cutting contact may or may not be the best choice if you both enjoy being with eachother. Sometimes we just need to reconfigure the agreements based on an honest perception of wht both want/need. Its not easy to get that perception. Its hard to understand what we want/what is good for us.
thank you. that’s very useful advice. sounds like a v similar situation to what I’m going through. I’ve definitely felt what you mean about just being friends and this lightening the relation up a bit; I’ve genuinely enjoyed hanging out with her lately with no strings attached.
After reading more comments, more things match. I too am living with her with a rent contract that should end in april. Im sure it is best to not live together, but moving out is a bit too complicated to do quickly. My income isnt stable, neither is hers, so we lean on eachother.
I guess I wish us both good luck.
Im enjoying being as real as possible with her, and i see her doing an effort to be real too. We sometimes get mad at the situation and and are a bit hurtful to eachother, but im finding that its possible to see the human behind those behaviours and not make it the end of the world like society seems to expect of us.
good luck to you too. It’s a really shitty situation. I’m trying to start dating to take my mind off things, at least casually, to help with the self-esteem blow that it’s been. idk if that’s a good idea but it’s helping in the short term to remind myself that whatever happens, I will find happiness somehow.
Im sorry, i take back part of what i said. If the person is lying too much, its probably better to distance yourself from them. Im being too passive and its just getting worse…
I think youre on the right path, see some friends and get your mind on something else.
That sucks. Was it her idea to open the relationship?
mutual really, stuff wasn’t working for a long time.
I see. Well, sometimes people just don’t fit right together. Sad that it took so long to figure out, but better 4 years then 16