cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/38975713
Okay, at work I was surrounded by tons of people who were bigots. They would randomly say how they didn’t want free college because then who would serve at restaurants, while they would say that they care about the environment. They would casually say that the confederate flag was not a big deal. They would casually comment on how they didn’t have any black people in their schools when I sat down at the table. Whenever I sat down they would complain on how men salaries are higher than women, which I would have agreed on if it was not for the fact that the only people always discussing this was middle class white people, who only said this when I black man sat down, and statistically black people make the lowest salaries, so to me it felt like if someone from a buffet came to only complain to starving people that the next person at the buffet got more food than they did.
They made fun of my Mexican coworker who once got mistaken by the guy who was painting the stairs because he was Mexican. And many other microaggressions that are too numerous to tell.
But going to the point of my question: These people were pure asses, but they were brilliant at programming. They did so much better than me, and I was trying my best. It bothered me so much not just because their performance was better, but that they were bigots and their performance was better. It just felt like universal injustice. Made me wonder what was the point of trying if all your effort can just be surpassed by bigots.
I have to admit that I was pretty ignorant of corporate American culture, and had no idea what area I wanted to concentrate on. But somehow these people just knew all that shit. Like, I have no clue how they knew so much.
Which makes me wonder how do you deal with this feeling, and what gives you the motivation to keep trying, when even your best effort can be surpassed by people with terrible attitudes that you hate. Like, I know that I will never surpass people like that, and I don’t think the point of life is being in an endless scoreboard, but it literally just feels like pure ass, and I want to hear others experiences. I also hate feeling behind all the time.
I just sat down for the first time with them as a group on the lunch table, and this white girl just casually said that out of the blue. I barely knew any of these people, and there was the Mexican guy and Indian guy sitting, on the table, yet this one white women, just decided to make the comment about black people. It was honestly disrespectful and disgusting, how she decided that it was okay to other someone like that the first time they decide to join them on the table. To me it felt that to her the reasons that caused to this, namely slavery, segregation, apartheid, red lining, sundown towns and racial financial segregation, are just cute side notes, and that her comment was just a cutesy thing to point out, by the fact that she just laughed about it. Back when it happened I didn’t know how to respond to that, since who the hell starts a conversation with that? I was not used to that level of crassness since I wouldn’t do that to anyone. For instance, I barely had any Chinese people were I grew up, but I am not about to other a Chinese person while laughing about it as my first convo with them. That was just pure malice. It was a very disgusting experience
These are not the kind of people who help those that they deem outsiders. They give wrong advice on purpose. Or just act irritated if you ask them anything because they don’t want to have to deal with you nor share the top with anybody. Besides, these are not the kind of people that I would want to learn from anyway. And even if I wanted to, they are pretty good at gatekeeping knowledge and opportunities.