Mfs literally smashing their face with hammers wtf is this thats-why-im-confused Mfs say they’re using maths thats-why-im-confused Whats this crap being fed to the yute? Sexual market valuation? Wtf are you theJPMorgan and chase of dustiness? thats-why-im-confused

  • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net
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    2 months ago

    The only man I ever fell in love with was short, hairy, a bit fat, and relatively unkempt.

    Importantly he was clean, patient, gentle, serious when it mattered and playful when it was appropriate, never made any misogynistic remarks, never put me down, took consent and boundaries seriously, willing to learn, and open to talking things through. Only once did he ever raise his voice at me and he quit drinking (with some ups and downs over the years) the next day.

    He has literally always got women orbiting him because he is genuinely interested in women as people. That and like washing your arse is the bar.

    Whenever men say they need to meet xyz standard to even get attention from women I always wonder: are they talking about the extremely fashionable women who are evidently interesting in current trends and conforming to them?

    It seems to me it’s harder to always look beautiful enough that people ignore your abrasive personality than just relax a little and show some genuine interest in treating women like people.

    • LaughingLion [any, any]@hexbear.net
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      2 months ago

      I agree. I also bet he was like me, not blaming women for the fact that he wasn’t the most attractive man around. It’s not their fault or obligation to be attracted to his or my looks (or lack thereof). He was attractive through a dozen other ways that the toxic manosphere simply cannot fathom to improve within themselves.

      I do think the last thing isn’t true. Some people are just naturally physically attractive with very little effort. Just like some men are naturally kind, funny, and fun to be around. What is easy for one isn’t for another.

      I don’t think I’d have a lot of trouble dating if I were single again. I mean, I wouldn’t even fuck with dating apps where your photo and bio need to do 95% of the heavy lifting. I’m cooked there. Why would I, though? I have friends that would be more than happy to set me up with single women they know. If I changed my status to single right now within a week I think I know at least one woman who’d be chatting me up.

      All that said, living with a lack of acknowledgment of your looks does hit you sometimes.

      • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        I do think the last thing isn’t true. Some people are just naturally physically attractive with very little effort. Just like some men are naturally kind, funny, and fun to be around. What is easy for one isn’t for another.

        There’s defs a spectrum but maintaining beauty isn’t just how your body looks. It’s care washing and shaving, keeping abreast of fashion trends, skincare (sun, lips, pimples etc), knowing how to dress to set off your features, exercising, diet management etc.

        There are very few people in the world that can just roll out of bed and look handsome in a street appropriate sense. True some people have it easier than others and some have more interest than others but it’s always work. It’s just you only see the finished product.

        All that said, living with a lack of acknowledgment of your looks does hit you sometimes.

        For sure, I’m plain boarding on ugly. I’ve never been tremendously interested in performing beauty and at my age as a women no matter how much effort I put in I’ll never be visible again. It is what it is, we all just play our hands.

        I’m sure everyone carries their own secret desires and anguishes, they’re not evenly doled out but all you can do is try make the world kinder for those that come after, raging about it will just get you tired and bitter.

        • LaughingLion [any, any]@hexbear.net
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          1 month ago

          what i hate about these conversations is when i say im unattractive then people try to explain attractiveness to me like im not a human being and ends up being a not so subtle dig about how i must not have tried hard enough. like in 40 years of being alive ive never accidentally put on the right shirt or washed my face. its really so fucking insulting even if it is not meant to be

          look, ive tried. its okay. im not destined to be physically attractive or ever get unsolicited compliments. it is what it is. its not anyone’s fault. being ugly really is a lived experience that people who havent lived it just really dont understand and the more i try to explain it to folks on the occasion it gets brought up the more i realize there is just this uncrossable barrier of understanding they simply will never get

          • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net
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            1 month ago

            That wasn’t my intention at all I’m sorry. I only meant to say that being beautiful all the time is a lot of effort, even for the people that find it realistic.

            No about of skincare is going to make someone with burn scars look like a model or whatever.