Yeah, and I think the better way of phrasing such a thing is “you’re defeating yourself before putting in a good external effort.”

I remember being young, a virgin, and struggling to get laid. And yeah I really thought I was trying, but it was more like I was trying to try. I wasn’t chatting people up, I wasn’t going out, I wasn’t socializing much at all, and when someone literally fell into my lap hitting on me I pushed her away. I was dealing with my own mental issues and while I wanted to get into a relationship or even just laid, those issues stood firmly between me and actually trying. Hell, it had turned out I had been hot the whole time.