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Yeah even I’m a beautiful girl and I was just laying here an hour ago thinking how much I want to have sex right now but the problem is when there’s nobody around to have sex with. That’s the problem.
My boss told me this is due to the skills shortage.
Sup.
skill issue huh, shame
I’m with the therapist. You couldn’t possibly have wanted sex for that long and not gotten laid. It’s just sex.
So at what point in your life do you get a coupon that guarantees free sex?
If this is true, OOP probably had some long unresolved trauma and/or underlying guilt religious indoctrination or obesity, low self-esteem or depression or something similar holding him back for that long. Not sure if this greentext was a word-for-word quoted conversation between a real-life patient & therapist, but if so, that therapist’s credentials need to be revoked. More likely the conversation was an imaginary one from some OOP’s lazy self-deprecating imagination.
Usually with a therapist or other people, there would be more likely of asexual erasure than questioning how I would have not gotten sex yet
Such empathy
Demisexual erasure, as per usual.
I think I can see what went wrong here. The therapist is probably trying to disrupt their internal narrative but hasn’t established the baseline trust. Confrontation can be important in therapy. Sometimes, people can get the idea that their agency doesn’t matter, that they are just the sort of person who doesn’t get to (lose weight/have sex/get that job/etc.) and part of a therapist’s job can be to get the patient to break down that belief by questioning it, but if they haven’t established the necessary trust with the patient, it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
it’s green text; it’s more made up than an r/aita and r/tifu post combined.
Context and tone are so important in therapy. I had trouble with a new counselor because she was far more challenging than my last one, who was more about building my confidence. She kept pushing, lightly, until I defended myself — I told her that suffering isn’t a competition and how I feel is valid — when I realized she was trying to get me to own my emotions when I was almost disassociating. She’s better than I initially thought, and she treaded that line very well.
The problem is that it’s bad fiction.
This is the only sensible response I can see in the whole comments section. Lot of replies from people who think a therapist’s job is to cheer you up with a wholesome pep talk and send you on your way.
Sometimes a pep talk is what you need. Sometimes it’s a harsh reality check. The quality of a therapist is partly determined by their ability to know when one or the other is needed.
Yeah the “you didn’t really try” can be super dismissive from a stranger. Or it can be a positive message like “you are stronger than you think” coming from a friend. But I don’t think even coming a friend you’d get that, when you are down the hole.
Yeah, and I think the better way of phrasing such a thing is “you’re defeating yourself before putting in a good external effort.”
I remember being young, a virgin, and struggling to get laid. And yeah I really thought I was trying, but it was more like I was trying to try. I wasn’t chatting people up, I wasn’t going out, I wasn’t socializing much at all, and when someone literally fell into my lap hitting on me I pushed her away. I was dealing with my own mental issues and while I wanted to get into a relationship or even just laid, those issues stood firmly between me and actually trying. Hell, it had turned out I had been hot the whole time.
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i wish a lady would interrupt my narrative with her baseline trust.
*thrust
it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
And Only time and repetition will be able to tell if it’s in good faith or bad faith.
so you’re asexual?
I want to have sex, I just haven’t
So, quick note, you can be asexual as in have no attraction to anyone and still be open to sex and horny. “I just haven’t found the right person yet!” can be it and you don’t understand the difference for decades.
That sounds more like aromanticism.
You can want sex but not be sexually attracted to anyone.
Yes, that’s called aromanticism. You can also be attracted to people without wanting sex, which is usually referred to as asexuality. You can also be both.
That’s what I said, that is asexuality, not aromanticism.
(But yes, aromanticism is close and it’s tough to figure out the difference if you have one or the other or both because the two are often thought to be the same thing)
she
”You can’t tell me you’ve honestly been trying this long and are still a virgin?”
There’s the problem, right there. Women marinate in so much attention they just cannot understand how men can want relationships and sex, yet not be able to get it. Their brains melt down when you demonstrate how fundamentally and radically different the male experience is.
Men: if you want true understanding, you have a much better chance of achieving that with a male therapist.
Yet another one for the “Lemmy isn’t sexist” collection.
While your underlying point isn’t a bad one, you’ve done a remarkably poor job of expressing it.
And I am astounded at the levels of cultivated ignorance needed to not have the point leap out and bodily slap people across the face.
Swing and a miss.
The problem here might be taking greentext screenshots as facts.
Those aren’t the facts I go after. You should examine the stats that come out of things like dating apps and papers published by actual sociologists examining intergender relationships. It’s absolutely wild how those real-world facts run completely counter to what most women say.
Could you show me some of those facts?
Could you show me some of those facts?
On mobile, no direct access to sources. But:
Compare the average man with the average woman. In general,
- the man will swipe right about 100 times before he can arrange a single coffee date.
- out of five coffee dates, four will ghost him or otherwise fail to show up, leading to one successful date per thousand attempts.
- the average woman who asks can get the same buy-in by men for every ≈5 swipes right
- she will see only one ghosting or otherwise failing to follow through for every ≈25 such coffee dates.
- just managing to leverage a date is a 20:1 advantage in the woman’s favour.
- actually going on a date and not getting ghosted is about a 100:1 advantage in the woman’s favour
- for an average man, the asymmetry of experience gets progressively more nightmarish the further along you progress.
- when it comes to sexual experience, it is only the top-5% of men who have as much sexual experience as the bottom 60% of women. It is only the top 1% of men who have as much sexual experience as the top-35% of women.
.
- when men were presented with a scenario where a woman met 80% of his desired attributes, about ¾ said they would gladly entertain a relationship with her.
- when a woman was presented with the flip proposition, where a man met 80% of her desired attributes, a similar ¾ of them said the exact opposite… that they would absolutely refuse to entertain a relationship with such a man due to his glaring inadequacies.
.
- when gauging women, men invariably graded them on an almost perfect bell curve, with half being above average in physical attractiveness, and half below.
- when gauging men, women skewed the bell curve severely towards the bottom end, with slightly over 80% of men being “below average attractiveness”.
- men’s bell curve of women shifted objectively based on how attractive the cohort of women were. A more beautiful group was shifted higher, no different than if they were just a part of a larger group.
- women rated a more attractive group of men equally as harshly as a more random group, with 80% of them still being “below average attractiveness” regardless of how highly attractive they might be among the general population.
.
- individual exceptions exist, but in general women are still very loathe to marry a man that makes less than they do, or has a less socially prestigious job than she does. Women who make more than $100k almost never marry men who make less than they do, even when that difference is almost negligible.
- when the woman makes $100k, the average husband’s wage is about $220k
- In fact, early retirement by the man (and sometimes, even just retirement at the appropriate age) precipitates 100% of all retirement-triggered divorces… which are invariably woman-initiated.
Now, nothing is technically bad about any of this. It’s how evolution has shaped each sex to optimize their own sexual success.
Where things get ugly is when one side uses their own experience to whitewash the other side to either ignore issues, remain ignorant of those issues, or deny they even exist.
It is the therapist’s wildly hypocritical line - the last one quoted in the greentext - which so clearly demonstrated the prevailing attitudes of women. That because they get so much attention, the same must go for the average man as well.
And it most certainly does NOT.
Cherry picked lines aren’t going to convince anyone without context and peer-reviewed sources.
Where in the greentext does it say OP is a man?
Links to sources or didn’t happen
she
There’s the problem, right there.
uhh
Women marinate in so much attention
lol what?
bro seek help
bro seek help
For what? Being obsessed with reality? Putting evidence above ideology?
Sorry, no. I know how things are like out there, I’ve seen the data.
Sorry, no. I know how things are like out there, I’ve seen the data.
bwahaha… never thought to go out and experience life, no, you’re convinced you have it all figured out.
you’ve seen the data? the data?
GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE AND FORM RELATIONSHIPS YOU FUCKING TWATS, THERE ARE NO SHORT CUTS
GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE AND FORM RELATIONSHIPS
Inapplicable: already married for the last 20 years, together for 30 years.
I’m taken, not blind or ignorant. I have eyes to see what is happening out there, how much things have changed in the last three decades, how the relationships of others progress under modern conditions of Internet-unfettered hypergamy, and a functional mind with which to examine and critically analyze recorded statistics.
taken, not blind or ignorant… wow…
do you express these views to your wife? How’s that go lol?
I can’t speak for rekabis but my wife has agreed with everything rekabis said, as some of her own friends and many coworkers are exactly like this.
As for my own experience: back when Facebook was still “the Facebook”, I was in a Human Sexuality class in college. The prof split up the men and women and then had each side list what they want in a partner to illustrate that men and women have different values, and I was utterly disgusted by both sides.
Men: I want a woman with little sexual experience who will be obedient and faithful (translated: doting kissless virgin who will suck me off whenever I want, and never talk to other men)
Women: I want an independent man who can take me places, help me get what I need, and who listens (translated: a man who lives on his own, owns a car, will buy me things, and who will not challenge my braindead assumptions about life as a man)
I was listening to both sides construct their ideal person and then realize they couldn’t say what they actually wanted to say, so they reworded it, hence the translations. That’s the day I decided I would go find an intelligent woman who actually wants to touch grass and start a family. ~15 years later I have never been more glad I made that call because it does not appear that things improved at all.
I think we like to categorize people and put them into certain descriptions because it satisfies our desire to quantify the world and in NO REAL WAY actually reflects what’s happening out there.
But I’m glad you seem happy.
Oh my friend, stereotyping is kinda ridiculous. You have no idea what other people know unless you talk to them.
Yeah, as usual she’s the problem. lmao
Yeah, as usual she’s the problem. lmao
The therapist, who is utterly unwilling to consider that a man’s reality is wildly different from her own experiences?
Yes, absolutely.
I think the most women are smart enough to understand the differences between how men and women experience and express sexual desire, but maybe it sometimes grad school beats it out of people.
Like it’s truly bizarre that her first response was “Oh you’re asexual”, just immediately slapping an identity label on the experience rather than asking a simple probing question in the vein of “Why?”
(Of course all green texts are fake and gay etc)
I think the most women are smart enough to understand the differences between how men and women experience and express sexual desire, but maybe it sometimes grad school beats it out of people.
You are so far out in left field it isn’t even funny.
It’s just not the kind of response I’ve heard from women who aren’t super libed out, much less therapists, but I suspect there is trend away from listening and understanding and towards quick diagnosis and categorization in therapy.
therapist is offering to suck his dick and he’s just not getting it
That’s the gay part. Fake: man goes to therapy. Gottem.
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Satisfaction not guaranteed!
This is obviously fake and gay™, but PSA: if something similar happens to you IRL, it’s not therapy being useless, it’s therapist being an asshole and genuinely harmful to their patients.
Not sure if it’s the case here but I seen a thread at some point where tonnes of men were staying they had a bad time with a female therapist and had a much better time after changing to a man.
Maybe this is just one of those examples.
I wonder if a lot of women just don’t understand men all that well?
A lot of men don’t understand women all that well, so I can see how that tracks
From my experience, being an asshole does not correlate to gender
From my experience being inconsiderate to male problems does correlate with gender.
To be fair, shared life experiences make it easier. Training and experience should be able to compensate it, of course, but they do make it easier.
Probably goes for all genders, with male therapists having a harder time understanding female patients.
Yeah OP should say “1 therapist is useless”.
The problem is you don’t know if your therapist might be an asshole before speaking to them.
You just look for a new one then right? I dunno how it works in other places around the world but we don’t have to sign up for an annual contract or anything here in Japan.
Sure, you just look for someone else, but it’ll take a while, and then you don’t know if your new therapist is also an asshole. And the last interactions with therapists have left some scars that might discourage you from even looking for a new one. Besides the mental health issues that you have might already make it hard to just pick up the phone, which doesn’t make looking for a new therpist easier.
Generally speaking people who need mental health help are going to be more easily discouraged by a negative interaction than the general population even if they can afford therapy in the first place. In the US at least there’s also a shortage of therapists, meaning you might have to wait a long time to see anyone at all. And in my experience there are a lot more bad therapists than good ones (though assholes of this level are probably rare).
Honestly if it were me I’d just save myself the trouble, read a book on CBT and get some antidepressants. But that doesn’t work for everyone.
In Germany, it’s a nightmare to get a therapist in the first place. I called every number available to me, each of them was packed to the brim. Even the waiting list was full. Save for one, who I was able to at least talk to, but she didn’t reach out to me in almost a year now.
So basically, you need to have insane luck to get therapy. Hearing some people jump from therapist to therapist just like that sounds almost like an utopia.
Apparently, German men would die of having a mental breakdown when on a waitlist of seeing a therapist than actually getting therapy
It’s fair to expect every therapist to be better than this.
Yeah this sounds pretty believable to me there’s a lot of shitty therapists
And in most places, you can and should report a therapist who did this.
Yeah.
Turns out, a whole lot of therapists are actually fucking hacks, but they’re also really good at gaslighting.
Nothing makes someone feel safe and heard like a therapist completely unable to comprehend that something considered socially embarrassing is possible. If you have a friend like this, heathygamergg on YouTube is making some amazing dating videos and thinks helping someone date is something simple every therapist should be able to do. Maybe not quickly but as he put it, a 5 year goal so you aren’t as desperate
You also have to take into account that is a very high possibility that what this guy is doing is being creepy and a “nice guy”, and whether intentionally or not is pushing anybody who might be potentially interested in him away.
I’ve seen it with one of my idiot friends. He’s perfectly nice normal person and you can have sensible conversations with them but whenever it comes to hitting on girls he goes all pick up artist on them. Of course if there’s one group of people who can’t hit on girls it’s people who watch pickup videos on YouTube.
Therapists with specialties seem to dislike it when their client doesn’t fall under that umbrella. I had a therapist whose specialty was child sexual abuse. I told her I didn’t experience any and she defensively snapped “Are you sure? Maybe you don’t remember it!”. I did not stick with her for long.
I swear some therapists exist just to teach you to stick up for yourself by being lousy at their jobs.
when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail and stuff
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
Story of Mr(s) Garrison’s life.
To be fair, black-hole-ing a traumatic memory absolutely happens to people. That said, that reaction is absolutely not how to go about resurfacing that kind of thing. If anything it needs to be handled with way more care than self-reported trauma.
Nope. This was mostly a psychological fad in the 1980s that led to many ruined lives from false accusations. Even the Wikipedia page starts off by saying the phenomenon has been largely discredited. Many people still believe in it but the vast majority of cases of “repressed memory” cannot be independently proven outside of the patient and therapist and in many cases are actually contradicted by externally verifiable facts.
aka all the 1980s/1990s lit on alien abduction was based on this crap and using ‘hypnosis’ to ‘reveal’ it.
it makes for good story telling, which is why it became a staple of TV dramatizations.
Are you sure? Cause mostly I hear the idea of repressed memories being bullshit.
See the Satanic Panic where a bunch of people suddenly “remembered” being forced to do Satanic Rituals at daycare
I have very few memories of my dad being abusive to me, family has told me stories and I remember none of them but I know they happened.
I have repressed memories, but that was intentional on my part and its not like it undoes the C-PTSD. Just means I don’t wake up in a cold sweat anymore like I did when I was 10, the memories are there and can come back with the right trigger but they are luckily rather scarce.
I just wish I could do that to the embarrassing shit I’ve done over the years, and there’s one happening right now FUCK. It’s like I have a cursed version of Nenios ability to forget in Pathfinder wrath of the righteous.
It’s a thing. It’s because Traumatic™ memories are stored differently in your brain than normal bad memories. Essentially the part of your brain primarily responsible for digging up memories doesn’t have the connections it world normally use to call up the memory, but the connections within the sensations and experiences of the memory still exist. That’s why a person can “unlock” these memories.
You have to be super careful trying to dig these things out though, because it is absolutely possible to accidentally lead a person into false memories.
Informational and episodic memory are stored in different parts of the brain and recalling episodic memory also involves the emotion centres but I don’t think a happy memory and a traumatic memory are necessarily stored any differently.
How does PTSD fit into repressed memories?
Apparently Traumatic™ is different from traumatic with no emphasis. I am not a neurologist but it’s my understanding that you can sit people in fMRI (or other brain activity monitoring systems) along with other monitoring systems and watch the difference between a normal memory and a flash-back. Like the Traumatic™ will function differently in ways you can measure. I learned about it from The Body Keeps the Score but I haven’t read further than that. If you have resources that aren’t too technical let me know. Some of what was in that book was pretty soft science, but the Traumatic™ memory stuff was pretty hard as far as I could tell.
What do you even supposed to say to that.
I’m pretty sure it never happened but I guess I could have forgotten, I guess, if you want.
Fake- anon talks to girl
Gay- anon goes to therapy
Fake: Anon would read David Smail’s How To Survive Without Psychotherapy before going to therapy
Straight: She then “suggest” hypnosis for his not getting laid problem. Then over many sessions while she is planting post-hypnotic suggestions and triggers, she turns him into a mindless obedient drone towards every women he meets, even when it is inconvenient for him.
Therapist are like toothpaste. You keep trying another one until you find one that you like.
I like my toothpaste like I like my therapists, twice a day and in my mouth.
It took me half a decade to find my first therapist (that would be covered by insurance and accepts new patients (the German health system is fucked)). But I do believe I got quite lucky.
You should see the finnish system… there is no therapist on sight to point of being illegal by basic constitutional rights, and still nobody bats an eye nor do you get any treatment that helps.
Most people would say shoes …
I just switched to a new toothpaste.
How is it?
A little too minty.
On to the next one, then.
I still got most of a tube to work my way through. I think I’m going try the cheapest colgate next.
I recommend whatever the cheapest Sensodyne is.
Mint is milder than Colgate. Active ingredient is Strenuous fluoride which is better for your teeth and bonus points it reduces sensitivity to hot/cold
In my experience, Colgate tends to leave a feeling that the teeth and mouth are still not as clean as they should be — at least the cheap varieties do. That’s while I scrub in there for like fifteen minutes.
In comparison, everything feels squeaky clean after Blend-a-Med. But idk if it’s widely available outside of the Europes.
$2 tube of Colgate w/ baking soda & peroxide. All you need.
Do you like cinnamon? I switched to cinnamon paste and floss, because my cat loves mint. I didn’t know it existed until I just searched out of desperation.
You don’t like your cat checking your breath?
I do like cinnamon. So much so I just restocked my Wrigleys big red supply. I don’t think I want cinnamon toothpaste though.
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