one life, one body. one existence.
And this is what I get. Born wrong, deformed, mutilated. Everything forever wrong. An outsider. Stuck in pain.
People have told me I’m grieving and I have to accept this, I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about it. About what should have been. What never can be.
And that’s it, isn’t it. I get one chance at this and this is what I get. I wish I’d been aborted and someone else got to live.
sometimes i feel this way, but the rest of the time the joker mentality helps me accept the absurd life i’m living (aka cope)
Only cope that seems to work for me is maladaptive daydreaming, but the moments of clarity and seeing what actually exists just breaks me
I honestly don’t even understand what it would be to embrace the absurdity of life.
suicide
Like I feel like fully accepting how crazy my life is just makes me want to kms. It’s unbelievable. It’s horror