One time in A-School I was stuck cleaning the same floor every day for like a week. Inside a building, lots of us kept our ball caps tucked into the back of our pants during the day. I ducked into a stall to sneak a nap, because labor for labor’s sake is bullshit. While entering, I realized I needed a poop, so dropped trou and sat down. Did my business, then when I stood up noted with a sigh I not only forgot my hat had been tucked away…but I had pooped on it.

Can’t flush it. Not gonna fish poopie hat outta the bowl to throw it away without gloves or something. So I left to see what I could find. 10mins later we have an all hands called by the base CO.

Apparently someone has made a terrible anti-Navy political statement. They have thrown a ball cap into a toilet and dropped a hefty dump right on top. The CO was livid. Especially once I immediately burst out laughing. Literally in tears at how stupid all of this is. He called me out and I explain exactly what happened in front of a building full of random sailors, who are all also laughing. He stomps off, I get a half-hearted beat down by my Chief, and life goes on.

Anyway, yeah sailors are dumbasses and there’s a hundred reasons the plumbing is fucked. Wasn’t me this time I promise.