Finally, after almost two years of waiting, my insurance cleared me to do a neuropsychological assessment. After ten sessions speaking with a specialist, she diagnosed me as 2e, gifted and ADHD. Yay.

I was pretty certain that I had ADHD, but I also thought I might be on the autism spectrum. This is a very important result for me, because in case I ever need to find a new psychiatrist I won’t have to go through that old loop of being treated like a drug addict because I want ADHD medication. Lisdexamphetamine works extremely well for me, and it would be a shame if I had to stop taking it.

I have to admit I was surprised at her assessment that I’m not autistic. I scored pretty high on the RAADS-R and I notice several aspects of autism in my behavior. It would explain many things. However, she thinks I am… gifted.

Let me tell you folks, I need some help with that. I hadn’t thought about this before, and I’m really sorry to say this, because I feel like I’m really close to being ableist here, but… I hate being gifted. The reason why I say that is that I had never really considered what it looks like to even discuss giftedness.

I’ve been online for a couple of years, lurking in spaces that discussed neurodiversity, this site included, and I found these spaces to be full of incredibly cool people. Open-minded, welcoming, warm people who want to share their experience being neurodivergent. People who discuss ADHD and autism not as something to be ashamed of, but as a unique part of their own identity.

But then when I look for communities dedicated to gifted people, I might as well be trying to browse a MENSA forum. Everywhere I looked it was always a gaggle of people humblebragging about their IQ and how it’s so difficult to be so much deeper than everyone around you. The “highest IQ” people were out there saying the dumbest shit I had ever seen.

That’s when I realized that I don’t even know how to talk about this. Neurotypical people are largely open to discussing autism and ADHD. Nowadays, with increasing awareness of the implications of neurodivergence, I find that people have become increasingly open-minded and willing to learn about how to accommodate the needs that neurodivergent people might have.

However, how am I supposed to tell people that I’m gifted without sounding like an asshole? According to this assessment, I have a very high IQ, but that’s not something I feel comfortable discussing with most people. I will talk openly about my ADHD, but it really sucks that this other aspect of my brain that I’m so eager to discuss and learn more about has to be kept under wraps, because otherwise people will think I’m an arrogant prick.

I hope you folks understand. How do you even deal with a giftedness assessment? What’s your experience talking about it with people who are less informed about neurodivergence, and do not understand the negative side of giftedness? It honestly feels like the loneliest part of my brain.

Also, one last thing. My personality assessment had a category of traits related to openness, as in the Big Five personality model. Within this category, there’s a trait identified as liberalism, and I’m in the 80th percentile for that. I believe this means I’ve been officially diagnosed as the least liberal person on this website.

  • Poutine [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    31·
    6 days ago

    I don’t think I have ever met a “gifted” person who wasn’t autistic. I also haven’t seen that term used much in recent years, as I’m mostly familiar with it from the early 2000s where it was used to name a special education program in the school system. A program that was (as far as I can tell) 100% attended by students that were level 1 autistic (low support needs).

    From my understanding, the term “giftedness” mostly describes a very particular, narrow kind of exceptional ability, mostly in processing speed and fact retention. While this is certainly nice, it doesn’t mean that someone is automatically poised to become a great leader or something, despite what the gifted program may have led us to believe. It is possible to be incredibly good at standardized testing and also to suffer from a lack of ability in other key areas, and I would say that the majority of the students I know from the program embody this.

    Ultimately, my advice in general is that you don’t need to tell people unless they have similar experiences and it would be a positive thing to do. I find that neurotypical people tend to misunderstand the reason that we tell them such things, and it can ireverably change their perception of us. I have had people tell me that they think I am trying to brag when I so much as tell them that I am very good at math, so I can’t imagine how they would react if I used the term “gifted”, given its loadedness in the cultural context here. My personal approach is to be open about my ADHD with neurotypicals, because it is well-understood and accepted and doing so earns me some much-needed grace about certain things. But I only discuss autism with other autistics unless it’s online in a space like this which is demonstrably anti-ableist, because doing so with neurotypical people has only ever led to my social isolation once their perception of me changed. And giftedness is like the next step up in level of misunderstoodness. I have only ever discussed it with other “twice-exceptional” individuals, and all of them (us, in fact) have very much disliked the terminology and not identified with it.

    IQ discourse and the generalized narrow focus of “intelligence” which sidelines all other kinds of intelligence definitely leads to communities that are focused around the topic becoming very hitler-detector and I understand very much why you are turned away by them.

    • Poutine [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      16·
      6 days ago

      I also personally think of “giftedness” mostly as a trait that is identified for the benefit of capitalists to exploit. The program had a heavy emphasis on how to become better than non-gifted persons in the domain of moneymaking, and the majority of the sessions were about becoming an entrepreneur. Very much trying to cultivate Tony Stark wannabes and such. And even if the students don’t become that, you know that capitalists are excited to identify potential workers who have increased productivity that they can pay the same hourly wage and exploit more surplus labour value from.

      • joaomarrom [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
        14·
        6 days ago

        I also personally think of “giftedness” mostly as a trait that is identified for the benefit of capitalists to exploit.

        Absolutely, and I felt like this was something very common in the “gifted communities” I referred to in my post. Lots of people talking about giftedness and being successful at work. It’s maddening, very STEM-coded.

        • StillNoLeftLeft [none/use name, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
          10·
          6 days ago

          I’ve also realized that it just kind of means being exceptionally exploitable. The lovely societal feelings of shame, never feeling like you are enough and all the trauma from growing up undiagnosed just elevates this tendency to a level where the burnouts we probably all have been through become parts of everyday life. It’s incredibly toxic at its core.

    • joaomarrom [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      13·
      6 days ago

      I only discuss autism with other autistics unless it’s online in a space like this which is demonstrably anti-ableist, because doing so with neurotypical people has only ever led to my social isolation once their perception of me changed. And giftedness is like the next step up in level of misunderstoodness. I have only ever discussed it with other “twice-exceptional” individuals, and all of them (us, in fact) have very much disliked the terminology and not identified with it.

      That’s exactly what I mean, thanks for putting it so eloquently! I had honestly never stopped for a moment to consider this aspect of it. It’s a very loaded term that I’m really struggling to identify with. I didn’t expect this particular label to be so difficult to discuss constructively.

      IQ discourse and the generalized narrow focus of “intelligence” which sidelines all other kinds of intelligence definitely leads to communities that are focused around the topic becoming very hitler-detector and I understand very much why you are turned away by them.

      Yeah, I find it incredibly off-putting, because at some points it legit felt like the discussion was veering into very phrenology-like territory. Lots of bell curves being thrown around without any critical discussion of what the term “gifted” even means aside from your ability to do things that are seen as useful and desirable in a capitalist society.

      I’m not saying that all “gifted” people are like that, but the combination of a label that is seen by most as a compliment or a congratulatory term has the potential to become especially toxic in online communities like the ones we have access to nowadays. This is not something that can be discussed in a space where people are competing for attention and internet points. That’s like a recipe for creating a hundred little Elon Musks.