The sucker is so oily that he slip right trough the cat door

Stephen Miller lives under the carpet by the front door so they never get the chance. He has already captured and sucked the bodily fluids completely out of 3 locksmiths that tried. They’re still searching for the body of a 4th locksmith, but currently we believe Miller ate the entire body.

His tiny hands fit right inside the locks

What makes you think he knows where his keys are?

The CPC is much too occupied with serious matters to be playing pranks on an orangutan.