If violent retribution is one of the paths inceldom leads to, it’s not terribly surprising if a femcel group goes the same way. What’s that saying? “Hurt people hurt people”?
If the only bond a group of people have is due to the pain they’re in, it can easily turn toxic. It’s a shame so many people turn toward incel/femcel communities instead of toward groups about shared interests or topics. I get wanting to commiserate with others, but when it becomes a circle jerk of sadness, sticking around can make existing issues so much worse.
Problem with that is that there’s a very small window in which saving an incel/femcel is easy. Before that window, they’re generally still normal but maybe withdrawing. After that window…interacting with them just kinda sucks. You need to have a certain willingness to deal with excessive self-deprecating sadness and basically make life worth living for them.
Incel/femcel communities stew in that toxicity, so it’s easy to add your own toxicity to the stew. Normal people don’t want to put up with that shit.
Source: a dear friend from back in the day dealt with my nearly incel ass, preventing me from falling all the way down the hole.
Well done overcoming that situation! That friend sounds like they’re worth their weight in gold. I’m glad they were able to help you and you were able to redirect from that toxic pipeline.
I imagine prevention is the best medicine. I know a single comment from a stranger is unlikely to do much, but the more we talk about the dangers of falling down the incel rabbithole, the more likely someone will be able to recognize the situation for themselves.
Oh, I’m not congratulating you on getting laid, I’m glad you overcame the situation insofar as the mental prison of inceldom is concerned.
Regardless of what you do, you at least have a good head on your shoulders. The ability to self-reflect instead of blaming others is some key emotional growth. I’m proud of you for that.
Tbf it’s not entirely a skill issue (while still not being the fault of “women”).
The fracturing of society for starters isn’t helping, many people isolating due to that, and phones/social media/doomscrolling etc, many isolated during covid and still haven’t recovered to their old ways, many can’t afford to do shit else these days even if they did want to break out of it, none of that is helping and it’s a serious societal issue bigger than “skill issue” in reality.
Also the commodification of dating isn’t helping any, you have to be on and pay for the hook-up apps as a barrier to entry, or pay for (your own I don’t just mean hers) drinks at a bar, both of which are more conducive to hook-ups than long term partnerships. Short of that “get a hobby, make friends, and hopefully one of those friends will set you up with someone.” So basically if you’re a FOSS/privacy advocate who doesn’t drink much anymore and hates the idea of listing profiles like you’re a dog up for adoption, your only option is to pray.
The only other option is to go back to the old ways: Its a numbers game. Just ask, politely and take no for an answer (and not like, lewd, like ask for a lunch date or phone number or something), but ask, anywhere and everywhere, doesn’t matter if it’s now “uncouth” to ask in say the grocery store, fuck it. If she’s into you it’ll be fine, if not, fuck it who cares worst she can do is be rude and you’ll never have to talk to her again. I don’t do this now because I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but so far figuratively praying hasn’t worked and literally closing out bars (has become too expensive ffs but also) has only led to fleeting infatuations and FWBs, and while those are fun I’m looking for more than that, so, we’ll see maybe I’ll try it.
It’s a skill issue to a degree, but also dating has been negatively affected by a general trend of social isolation, the economy being bad, and the same social media brain rot that has affected everything else along with it, on top of that.
I mean, I definitely don’t start convos the way people want me to start convos, either. Idk. Just had the weirdest experience last night. Two weeks ago, I met this girl who was pretty cool in a friend way. Also, she doesn’t swing my way, no problem. Cool person. So last weekend I went out with her and some of her friends. One of her friends was kinda cute, we talked a bit, but not long at all. Nothing I would consider serious. I wasn’t trying to hit on her. She didn’t seem uncomfortable at all.
Then last night, hanging out with the same group of people. This girl I talked to would straight up run away if I got within ten feet of her. Happened twice, and then I started avoiding her because like…clearly causing distress with my presence alone.
What do I do with that? I mean apart from keep avoiding her, cause clearly she doesn’t want to be anywhere near me.
Yeah idk what I’d do with that either, idk that I’ve ever had that reaction (if I have I just never noticed). I mean “completely ignore” seems like what I’d probably do tbh, definitely never interact again.
Is that the right move? Fuckin’ idfk lol. But that’s what I’d default to.
![[OC] Anon is a femcel](https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/523423c1-eda5-4c6c-bf01-94be92d99bd7.png){kind=link}
If violent retribution is one of the paths inceldom leads to, it’s not terribly surprising if a femcel group goes the same way. What’s that saying? “Hurt people hurt people”?
If the only bond a group of people have is due to the pain they’re in, it can easily turn toxic. It’s a shame so many people turn toward incel/femcel communities instead of toward groups about shared interests or topics. I get wanting to commiserate with others, but when it becomes a circle jerk of sadness, sticking around can make existing issues so much worse.
Yeah like people are calling this fake but like. Women’s fundamental humanity being equal to men’s means there’s just as much capacity for degeneracy.
Problem with that is that there’s a very small window in which saving an incel/femcel is easy. Before that window, they’re generally still normal but maybe withdrawing. After that window…interacting with them just kinda sucks. You need to have a certain willingness to deal with excessive self-deprecating sadness and basically make life worth living for them.
Incel/femcel communities stew in that toxicity, so it’s easy to add your own toxicity to the stew. Normal people don’t want to put up with that shit.
Source: a dear friend from back in the day dealt with my nearly incel ass, preventing me from falling all the way down the hole.
Well done overcoming that situation! That friend sounds like they’re worth their weight in gold. I’m glad they were able to help you and you were able to redirect from that toxic pipeline.
I imagine prevention is the best medicine. I know a single comment from a stranger is unlikely to do much, but the more we talk about the dangers of falling down the incel rabbithole, the more likely someone will be able to recognize the situation for themselves.
Eh.
I’m still in my mid 30s and involuntarily celibate. I’m just not an incel. I recognize this is a skill issue on my part, not the fault of women.
Fuck it, in a couple of years I’ll fuck off into the ocean and go sailing.
Oh, I’m not congratulating you on getting laid, I’m glad you overcame the situation insofar as the mental prison of inceldom is concerned.
Regardless of what you do, you at least have a good head on your shoulders. The ability to self-reflect instead of blaming others is some key emotional growth. I’m proud of you for that.
Lol I don’t get laid
Tbf it’s not entirely a skill issue (while still not being the fault of “women”).
The fracturing of society for starters isn’t helping, many people isolating due to that, and phones/social media/doomscrolling etc, many isolated during covid and still haven’t recovered to their old ways, many can’t afford to do shit else these days even if they did want to break out of it, none of that is helping and it’s a serious societal issue bigger than “skill issue” in reality.
Also the commodification of dating isn’t helping any, you have to be on and pay for the hook-up apps as a barrier to entry, or pay for (your own I don’t just mean hers) drinks at a bar, both of which are more conducive to hook-ups than long term partnerships. Short of that “get a hobby, make friends, and hopefully one of those friends will set you up with someone.” So basically if you’re a FOSS/privacy advocate who doesn’t drink much anymore and hates the idea of listing profiles like you’re a dog up for adoption, your only option is to pray.
The only other option is to go back to the old ways: Its a numbers game. Just ask, politely and take no for an answer (and not like, lewd, like ask for a lunch date or phone number or something), but ask, anywhere and everywhere, doesn’t matter if it’s now “uncouth” to ask in say the grocery store, fuck it. If she’s into you it’ll be fine, if not, fuck it who cares worst she can do is be rude and you’ll never have to talk to her again. I don’t do this now because I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but so far figuratively praying hasn’t worked and literally closing out bars (has become too expensive ffs but also) has only led to fleeting infatuations and FWBs, and while those are fun I’m looking for more than that, so, we’ll see maybe I’ll try it.
It’s a skill issue to a degree, but also dating has been negatively affected by a general trend of social isolation, the economy being bad, and the same social media brain rot that has affected everything else along with it, on top of that.
It’s absolutely a skill issue by my age.
I have gotten dates at the grocery store before, which is where the second skill issue comes in: women don’t stick around very long.
Ah well shit, maybe then idk. I have the opposite problem I guess, hard to start a convo, but if I do I can usually keep people around.
I mean, I definitely don’t start convos the way people want me to start convos, either. Idk. Just had the weirdest experience last night. Two weeks ago, I met this girl who was pretty cool in a friend way. Also, she doesn’t swing my way, no problem. Cool person. So last weekend I went out with her and some of her friends. One of her friends was kinda cute, we talked a bit, but not long at all. Nothing I would consider serious. I wasn’t trying to hit on her. She didn’t seem uncomfortable at all.
Then last night, hanging out with the same group of people. This girl I talked to would straight up run away if I got within ten feet of her. Happened twice, and then I started avoiding her because like…clearly causing distress with my presence alone.
What do I do with that? I mean apart from keep avoiding her, cause clearly she doesn’t want to be anywhere near me.
Yeah idk what I’d do with that either, idk that I’ve ever had that reaction (if I have I just never noticed). I mean “completely ignore” seems like what I’d probably do tbh, definitely never interact again.
Is that the right move? Fuckin’ idfk lol. But that’s what I’d default to.